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The purpose of this page will be to compile Fark threads dealing with the dumpster fire that is the 115th U.S. Congress.

This page is for the month of February, 2017
For previous months, please see the archive

BackgroundEdit

This section will provide background information about the members of the 115th U.S. Congress, or their party affiliation, etc. any information to give a basic overview of the 115th U.S. Congress that does not necessarily need a Fark-related thread.

  • date first called into session: January 3, 2017
  • date Americans can first expect relief: January 3, 2019
  • to read about all the legislative crap they're up to click here, for outstanding individual achievements in assholery, click here, for "investigations" click here and for confirmation hearings click here

Congresscritters and how to contact themEdit

Current Pending BillsEdit


Fark Threads on the President's Address to CongressEdit

  1. White House officials subscribing to that "definition of insanity" axiom hoping that Trump's speech to Congress won't be a rambling diatribe of insane racist street preacher thoughts, Prison Planet articles, and tin-pot dictator wet dreams
  2. Trump administration to drug everyone during his speech to Congress Tuesday in the hopes we all forget the hilarious failure that is the Trump Administration thus far
    1. In tomorrow's speech to a joint session of Congress, President Trump should seek bipartisanship and find middle ground with Democrats
  3. It's your official pre-speech discussion thread. Main thread goes live 9PM ET
    1. Six critical reactions to keep an eye on during President Trump's first address to Congress: Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
    2. State of the Donald Official Discussion thread-- POTUS entry at 9pm ET


Fark Threads on LegislationEdit

To stare into the abyss that is the previous months of this circus, please click here (Don't say you weren't warned)


GeneralEdit

  1. Congress is not advancing Trump's agenda
  2. The Senate is tearing itself apart. Didn't this happen in Attack of the Clones? Isn't that how Palpatine rose to power?
  3. GOP frets over the fact that people expect them to do stuff and fix things
  4. GOP's dreams for Congress have become a mirage
  5. The next six weeks are a "Do or die" moment for the GOP as they need to prove they can transform from a "chest thumping opposition party" into one that can be trusted to actually govern. In other words, in six weeks the GOP is done for


Governing D.C.Edit

  1. Having solved all problems of national and global significance, Congress decides to resume governing the District of Columbia


H.R. 621 Land is Disposable Act of 2017Edit

better known as Disposal of Excess Federal Lands Act of 2017

  1. Rep Chaffetz (R-epulsive Cancerous Growth) is sponsoring HR 621 because f*ck America, that's why
    1. Rep Jasn Chaffetz withdraws his bill to require the Dept of the Interior to sell off millions of acres of publicly held land after discovering there is such a thing as going too damn far even in the eyes of Utah voters


Stop Protecting Streams and Start Protecting CoalEdit

  1. House to repeal Obama's Coal Ruling which prohibits polluting streams. #DAMMITDONALD
  2. Americans used this election to let politicians in DC know what they want, and what they want is coal mining debris to be dumped into our waterways again


Office of Congressional EthicsEdit

  1. Single-day trifecta for Trump Administration officials getting investigated now in play


Repeal of ACAEdit

  1. Prelude and/or background
  2. Backlash
  3. Repeal
  4. In response to the explosive Trump/Russia revelations and the dangerous dysfunction in the White House, a refocused Congressional GOP promises to get serious, tackle the situation head-on, and finally investigate how to repeal the ACA
  5. GOP finally comes up with a idea to pay for their Obamacare repeal: Tax everyone's employer-based health insurance as regular income
  6. Replacement
    1. "So, we're going to need a bit more time to craft an acceptable alternative to Obamacare. Like, say until after the 2018 midterms. Wouldn't want to mess up any of our re-election chances, now would we?"
    2. It's Old Man yells at cloud vs Frank Burns in a debate over the future of Obamacare. 9pm eastern on CNN
  7. With "Die Quickly" not working out well to replace the ACA this bootstrappy lawmaker would like to try life coaches for all
    1. Ryancare poised to turbocharge the winning by letting Americans pay more for insurance that is far inferior, shifts more medical costs on to families, and covers far fewer people
    2. The leaked GOP Obamacare replacement plan is here, and if you or a loved one has a pre-existing condition and you can't pay for your treatment out of pocket, you should start planning your goodbyes
  8. John Oliver compares the GOP's Obamacare replacement plan to "your dad in a thong"
  9. Key House Republican to oppose GOP healthcare bill because it allows people to receive healthcare
  10. House Majority Whip Steve Scalise says the leaked draft of the GOP's Obamacare replacement plan that circulated yesterday is "no longer viable" because you PEEKED and RUINED the surprise
  11. "Repair"
    1. Republicans quietly giving up on "Repeal and Replace", shift to "Repair" on Obamacare
  12. What is it we're talking about again?
    1. One third of Americans don't know Obamacare and the ACA are the same thing. This is the same one third who thought Trump might make a good President and that Duck Dynasty is good entertainment


Net NeutralityEdit

  1. Net neutrality assault can be stopped by citizens, snark


Executive Order Banning Certain MuslimsEdit

Overturning Obama-era RegulationsEdit

  1. Okay I get that things are crazy in America right now, but what if we let schizophrenics buy guns again?
  2. While we've all been busy watching the train wreck that is the Trump administration, Congress has been quietly repealing a lot of regulations that kept us safe, and held corporations accountable
  3. Republicans fast track bill to bring back ridiculously high and convoluted overdraft fees. Are we tired of winning yet?
  4. House brings us one step closer to being able to defend ourselves against the goblins that live in the attic and spy on us for the Council of Warlocks


Apology TourEdit

  1. Day 13: President Trump has Congress shiatting bricks and doing damage control
  2. Congratulations, Mr. Speaker, this is your whole job now: "Speaker Paul Ryan found himself in a familiar spot Tuesday: responding to controversial statements from President Trump


Federal corporate taxesEdit

  1. House Republicans face opposition to their plan to overhaul the way corporations pay federal taxes from a powerful group of lawmakers - other Republicans. The call is coming FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE


Election Assistance Commission Termination ActEdit

  1. After 2016 raised serious concerns about outside governments trying to influence or even hack our elections, House Republicans have swung into action: to advance a bill to eliminate the Election Assistance Commission which oversees ballot security


Split 9th CircuitEdit

  1. Last month, when no one was looking, McCain co-filed a Senate bill to split up the court that just blocked the Muslim ban


Defund and Repeal Consumer Financial Protection BureauEdit

  1. GOP declares total war against Consumer Financial Protection Bureau because Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #82 demands such
  2. The House bill to "reform" Dodd-Frank would end the CFPB's Consumer Education division, take away the Bureau's ability to act against "unfair,abusive or deceptive" practices of banks, and remove their consumer complaint tracking..you know for freedom


Repeal Dodd-FrankEdit

  1. The House bill to "reform" Dodd-Frank would end the CFPB's Consumer Education division, take away the Bureau's ability to act against "unfair,abusive or deceptive" practices of banks, and remove their consumer complaint tracking..you know for freedom


Monitor Russian SanctionsEdit

  1. Trump: Why does the House act like the 'third wheel' on a bad date?


"Congressionally-directed spending"Edit

Congress has always been at war with earmarks

  1. GOP: We'll never bring back so-called 'earmarks'. Now, let me tell you about this new feature we like to call "congressionally-directed spending"


"[S]trengthen and modernize" Endangered Species ActEdit

  1. "..., and f*** the animals too"


Medical Exam for Candidates for POTUSEdit

  1. For absolutely no reason in particular. Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) has introduced legislation that all future presidential candidates must undergo a physical and mental health examination by an independent doctor who will publicly release the results


Defund Planned ParenthoodEdit

  1. House passes bill to allow Trump to grab millions of women by the pussy at once
  2. Turns out that you actually DO have to commit a crime before the GOP can punish you for it. Go figure


H.R. 861Edit

Terminate the EPA Bill

  1. "Trump isn't going to terminate the EPA," says increasingly nervous columnist for the seventh time this week


H.R. 610Edit

"Choices" in "Education" Act of 2017

  1. Homeschoolers revolt over a Republican bill which would give them federal funds for teaching their children at home, but only after they tell the government that they're teaching their children at home


Fark Threads on Congressional InvestigationsEdit

To view the full mess starting from January, 2017, please click here (Don't say you weren't warned)

Possible Russian Interference Of 2016 POTUS ElectionEdit

  1. "There's very little doubt that Russia interfered with elections" says soon to be ex-Defense Secretary Mattis
  2. Three - Three FBI probes into Russian election hacking scandal. Ah, ah, ah
  3. If we know one thing about this Congress, they really care about deleted e-mails, right?
  4. How Trump is getting away with corruption


Possible Interference with Economic Sanctions against RussiaEdit

  1. The hearings will begin any minute now
  2. Rep. Adam Schiff,the top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee,told democrats in a private conference today that more information on Russia/Trump/Flynn ties will surface soon and "are only the beginning"
  3. House Intelligence Committee Chairman (R-eprehensible) says his panel will not investigate Flynn's ties to Russia, but will investigate the leaks that led to his resignation
  4. Single-day trifecta for Trump Administration officials getting investigated now in play
  5. Rand Paul just comes out and admits that Republicans shouldn't be investigating Republicans
  6. And the first GOP Congressman has hit the Trump-Putin International Hotel and Pleasure Palace
  7. "I have no idea." - Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-eally? No way.)
  8. How Trump is getting away with corruption
  9. The Republican chair of the House Intelligence Commitee describes attempts to investigate the Trump/Russia connection as "a witch hunt against the American people". Bad thoughts toward our leader are doubleplusungood
  10. House Speaker Paul Ryan (R):"We found no evidence that Trump aides were in contact with Russia. We've seen only sand"


Release of President's Tax ReturnsEdit

  1. House panel rejects demands for Trump to release his tax returns


Possible Violation(s) of Emoluments Clause by POTUS or POTUS StaffEdit

  1. How Trump is getting away with corruption


Obama's Last-minute Weapons Shipment to KenyaEdit

  1. Congress to investigate why Obama gave Kenya a half-billion dollars in weapons on his last day in office


Rep. Nadler's "Resolution of Inquiry"Edit

demanding Attorney General hand over “any document, record, memo, correspondence or other communication” pertaining to “criminal or counterintelligence investigations” related to Trump, White House staff or his business"

  1. Republican lawmakers plan on derailing inquiry into Manchurian President's ties to Russia because of course they do. They do acknowledge that it may make things awkward with their constituents
  2. How Trump is getting away with corruption


Fark Threads on Trump cabinet confirmation hearingsEdit

There was a whole lot more than appears here, please check the archive for the full horror show

GeneralEdit

  1. Trump so good at 9 dimensional Kerplunk he's got libs protesting outside Chuck Schumer's house
  2. GOP warns they'll break out the blow (sans hookers) in order to stay in session 24-7 to confirm Trump nominees
  3. Trump nominees complain that White House isn't doing enough to protect them from spineless rubber stamp Congress that occasionally asks questions like "why you such a douche, bro?"
  4. 549 key positions in the administration need Senate confirmation. 14 have been filled. 20 await confirmation. 515 don't have nominees

Senate Rule 19Edit

  1. Sen. Warren reads the Congressional record, Coretta Scott King's words when Sessions was nominated as a judge in 1986. You best believe that's a rule 19 violation according to majority leader McConnell
    1. The silencing of Elizabeth Warren has backfired on the GOP
    2. Apparently, reading Coretta Scott King's letter out loud on the Senate floor is only a violation of rule 19 if you're a woman
    3. Senator Elizabeth Warren was silenced by an old obscure Senate rule that was prompted by a fistfight


Sessions for Attorney GeneralEdit

  1. The Enforcement of the Civil Rights and Voting Rights act is now close to being in the hands of Jefferson Davis Beauregard Davis III
  2. Sen. Warren reads the Congressional record, Coretta Scott King's words when Sessions was nominated as a judge in 1986. You best believe that's a rule 19 violation according to majority leader McConnell
    1. The silencing of Elizabeth Warren has backfired on the GOP
    2. Sean Spicer: 'I can only hope that if Coretta Scott King was still with us,' I'd hope she'd support Jeff Sessions
    3. Apparently, reading Coretta Scott King's letter out loud on the Senate floor is only a violation of rule 19 if you're a woman
    4. Senator Elizabeth Warren was silenced by an old obscure Senate rule that was prompted by a fistfight
  3. Coretta Scott King's biggest supporter confirmed as Attorney General


Tillerson for Secretary of StateEdit

  1. Tillerson confirmed as Exxon ambassador to Russia
    1. Great Milestones in American Foreign Policy: The Monroe Doctrine (1823) The Roosevelt Corollary (1902) the Truman doctrine (1948). The Reagan Doctrine (1983). The Putin Doctrine (2016)


DeVos for Education SecretaryEdit

  1. Two down, one to go
  2. Sen. Roy Blunt will always stick by Betsy DeVos. After all, she bought his son a governorship
  3. Mike Pence picks Betsy DeVos as Secretary of Edumacation


Bannon for Führer of National Security CouncilEdit

  1. Let's ramble through some of Steve Bannon's thoughts in 2015: "Here's Why There Ought To Be A Cap On Women Studying Science And Maths". Oh Lawd


Puzder for Labor SecretaryEdit

  1. The newest Trump appointee battle? Puzder, the conflict-of-interest heavy pick for Labor Secretary
  2. The genius behind "Suicide Squad" confirmed by the Senate and now fifth in line for the presidency. Brought to you by Carl's Jr
  3. Senate Republicans ask Trump to withdraw his Puzder, it's not that kind of party
  4. Precedent pulls Puzder


Veterans Affairs Secretary=Edit

  1. Trump's Veterans Affairs secretary confirmed 100-0


Carson for Secretary of Housing and Urban DevelopmentEdit

  1. Ben Carson wakes up from eight year nap, says he's ready to work and do whatever it is Trump wants him to do


McMahon for Administrator of SBAEdit

  1. Linda McMahon wins the undisputed Small Business Administration belt


Verma for Administrator of (CMS)Edit

Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services

  1. Seema Verma--which sounds like a forgotten Tolkien character but is really a health care lobbyist--is Trump's pick to oversee Medicare and Medicaid, both of which she has said "fosters dependency"


Pruitt for Director of Environmental Protection AgencyEdit

  1. John "Profiles in Courage" McCain has decided he has "a thing", in Germany, the day of the confirmation vote for Scott Pruitt to head the EPA
  2. Scott Pruitt confirmed as head of Environmental Destruction Agency

Ross for Secretary of CommerceEdit

  1. Wwwwilllllbuurrrrrrr, you are now the commerce secretary


Fark threads on federal judiciary confirmation hearingsEdit

GeneralEdit

  1. "We have an excellent chance of clearing the deck of all the vacancies that we inherited from the previous administration, and there are quite a number of them"

Gorsuch for Supreme Court JusticeEdit

  1. No
    1. Remember when Harry Reid triggered the "nuclear" option and he was warned it was a bad precedent to set?
  2. Millennial to Pelosi: Is there anything Democrats can do to differentiate themselves from Republicans in terms of economic policy? Pelosi to Millennial: We're capitalists. That's just the way it is
  3. Will Gorsuch be another Scalia when it comes to criminal law? A look at the many Scalia opinions favoring defendants, except those who got their doors busted in or were driving while black
  4. Remember a time when Judge Gorsuch was praised by the Democrats and Liberals as a well qualified, mainstream, and moderate Judge? You know from the time he made it on the Appellate Court until the day Trump nominated him for SCOTUS
  5. Sorry liberals, your case against Judge Neil Gorsuch has no basis in reality
  6. Gorsuch's confirmation hearing will rend the Senate asunder
  7. Come for the "Biden Rule", stay for the "Ginsburg Standard"


Fark threads on Trump AmbassadorshipsEdit

Please check the archive for previous threads on Ambassadorships since there probably won't be any more ambassadors in the future

Palin for Ambassador to CanadaEdit

soorry, eh

  1. Proving that even Canadians have their limits, news that Sarah Palin might be appointed Ambassador sparks impolite reactions


Fark Threads on CongresscrittersEdit

The only reason why there is an archive for these assholes is so people might see examples of what not to do

GeneralEdit

  1. Members of Congress becoming increasingly frustrated with trying to communicate with President Trump resort to tweeting at him hoping he or the White House will notice
  2. This is the Silence of the Lambs Congress. They're utterly silent, emerging from the House gym or their three-hour lunches only to scream to the press about Trump
  3. All of Washington is using an app called Confide, which allows deletion of messages after reading. Only problem is, it's not legal
  4. Make America Baked Again. Pro-marijuana lawmakers form first ever Congressional Cannabis Caucus
  5. Could the Republicans' gerrymandering actually end up helping Democrats?
  6. The two defining characteristics of the new right: 1. Hatred for everything different. 2. Indifference of corruption by their own leaders
  7. The republicans might be too scared to face voters at town hall meetings, but they haven't yet missed a single meeting with rich donors and their bottomless bank accounts. Priorities people. Priorities
  8. Divided Republicans await clarity from Trump on key issues, because clear communication and clarity is totally something he does


MeetingsEdit

  1. A meeting between lawmakers and the acting director of ICE took an interesting turn when several Hispanic Democrats were "asked" to leave. It's almost as if certain people don't want them to know what's going on
  2. Late into a getaway Friday, James Comey was briefing senators on Russia. They will now all get a week in Sochi as part of the time share package

Obedient GOPEdit

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R UT 3rd)Edit

chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform

  1. Rep Chaffetz (R-epulsive Cancerous Growth) is sponsoring HR 621 because f*ck America, that's why
  2. Rep Jasn Chaffetz withdraws his bill to require the Dept of the Interior to sell off millions of acres of publicly held land after discovering there is such a thing as going too damn far even in the eyes of Utah voters
  3. But her emails?
  4. Jason Chaffetz (R):"The protesters at my town hall meeting were paid to show up in an attempt to bully and intimidate me"
  5. Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-unaway) claims paid agitators protested at his town hall. Should have been worried about masked, armed people who rushed guards to try getting in. "They exercised their open-carry right. But it's obviously a challenge for us"
  6. Jason Chaffetz contemplates standing upright with his new found spine
  7. Considering he thought all the people screaming "do your job" at his last town hall meeting were paid plants bused in by George Soros, I don't think the we can expect more than Chief Wiggums -level effort from the "top cop" on government ethics
  8. Jason Chaffetz decides maybe he should be locked up
  9. We can't investigate any Russian connections, we are far too busy investigating this

Rep Nancy Pelosi (D CA 12th)Edit

House minority leader

  1. Pelosi: "We don't get much support from Wall Street" Fact Check: Your campaign donation disclosures have determined that is a lie

Senator Mitch McConnell (R KY)Edit

Senate Majority Leader

  1. "We have an excellent chance of clearing the deck of all the vacancies that we inherited from the previous administration, and there are quite a number of them"
  2. Sen. Warren reads the Congressional record, Coretta Scott King's words when Sessions was nominated as a judge in 1986. You best believe that's a rule 19 violation according to majority leader McConnell
    1. The silencing of Elizabeth Warren has backfired on the GOP
    2. Sean Spicer: 'I can only hope that if Coretta Scott King was still with us,' I'd hope she'd support Jeff Sessions
    3. Apparently, reading Coretta Scott King's letter out loud on the Senate floor is only a violation of rule 19 if you're a woman
    4. Senator Elizabeth Warren was silenced by an old obscure Senate rule that was prompted by a fistfight
  3. Meet Donald Trump's details man. Wait, he has one?
  4. That eight-member Supreme Court will hurt Trump and the GOP. If only they hadn't stonewalled Obama
  5. Yertle flees Kentucky tarmac in an SUV to avoid protesting constituents, arrives at his home to discover the protesters were outside there too
  6. Come for the "Biden Rule", stay for the "Ginsburg Standard"
  7. "I have no idea." - Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-eally? No way.)
  8. You know, it's getting so's you can't even hold a private meeting with fatcat business leaders in your state without a bunch of constituents showing up outside and acting like they have a right to be heard and ask you questions or something
  9. On infrastructure: "What I hope we will clearly avoid, and I'm confident we will, is a trillion-dollar stimulus." Ladies and gentlemen, Mitch McConnell

Rep. Tom McClintock (R CA 4th)Edit

  1. Republican U.S. Congressman from California holds town hall about the Affordable Care Act, with predictable outcome

Rep. Paul Ryan (R WI 4th)Edit

Speaker of the House

  1. Congratulations, Mr. Speaker, this is your whole job now: "Speaker Paul Ryan found himself in a familiar spot Tuesday: responding to controversial statements from President Trump
  2. Paul Ryan's constituents host town hall without him, talk to empty chair representing the master of Stockholm Syndrome
    1. Wherefore art thou, Paul Ryan's balls?
  3. House Speaker Paul Ryan (R):"We found no evidence that Trump aides were in contact with Russia. We've seen only sand"

Senator Ted Cruz (R TX)Edit

  1. Racist senator tells channel for racists that other party is for racist clan members. Racism
  2. Ted Cruz: Political Leader, Senator, Legal Scholar, greatest troll ever
  3. Ted Cruz planning to have his dad visit Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Rep. Matt Gaetz (R FL 1st)Edit

  1. Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL) decides to say fark it, let's just go full Wasteland and eliminate the EPA altogether

Senator Roy Blunt (R MO)Edit

  1. Sen. Roy Blunt will always stick by Betsy DeVos. After all, she bought his son a governorship

Senator Tom Cotton (R AR)Edit

  1. GOP: We're not against immigrants in our country, we love legal immigrants. It's those who are here illegally that are the problem. Okay, we lied, we don't like them either
  2. Let's see if Sen. Tom Cotton's bold strategy to confront 100% paid protesters pays off
    1. Tom Cotton (R) has at least enough balls left to show up at his town-hall meeting. Let's see how that is gOH MY

Rep. Sean Duffy (R WI 7th)Edit

  1. CNN host to GOP Rep: You list Islamic terror attacks but omit domestic ones, why? Rep: They are different. Host: Why? Rep: Quebec was a one-off, Host: and McVeigh? Rep: that was too long ago? Host: Charelston? Rep: but look at all the good it caused

Senator Thom Tillis (R NC)Edit

  1. Republican Senator Thom Tillis compares constituents calling his office to DDoS attacks. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works

Rep. John J. Duncan Jr (R TN 2nd)Edit

  1. Ayn Rand loving, boot strappy, manly man Republican Congressman refuses to hold open town hall meeting because he might actually hear something he doesn't like and he just can't handle that sort of thing right now

Senator Luther Strange (R AL)Edit

  1. Alabama AG and comic book supervillain Luther Strange to replace Jeff Sessions in U.S. Senate

Senator David Perdue (R GA)Edit

  1. Republicans fast track bill to bring back ridiculously high and convoluted overdraft fees. Are we tired of winning yet?
  2. Senator David Perdue (R-Georgia): Facing my constituents isn't my style

Rep. Andy Biggs (R AZ 5th)Edit

  1. Last month, when no one was looking, McCain co-filed a Senate bill to split up the court that just blocked the Muslim ban

Rep. Chris Collins (R NY 27th)Edit

  1. GOP congressman: Not only should Donald Trump NOT release his tax returns, NO elected official should

Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R TX 5th)Edit

  1. GOP declares total war against Consumer Financial Protection Bureau because Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #82 demands such

Rep. Brad Sherman (D CA 30th)Edit

  1. Rep Brad Sherman (D - ough): "We lost, so either our programs need to be retooled or our communication needs to be retooled. Now which do you think is easier for us to focus on?"

Senator Rand Paul (R KY)Edit

  1. Rand Paul just comes out and admits that Republicans shouldn't be investigating Republicans

Rep. Devin Nunes (R CA 22nd)Edit

House Intelligence Committee Chairman

  1. House Intelligence Committee Chairman (R-eprehensible) says his panel will not investigate Flynn's ties to Russia, but will investigate the leaks that led to his resignation
  2. The Republican chair of the House Intelligence Commitee describes attempts to investigate the Trump/Russia connection as "a witch hunt against the American people". Bad thoughts toward our leader are doubleplusungood
  3. "No evidence" yet of Trump campaign contacts with Russia. Fortunately, full blown hysteria doesn't require evidence
    1. House Intelligence Chairman, who is supposed to conduct impartial investigation into Trump's ties to Russia, says there's nothing there and everyone needs to move along

Rep. Pete Sessions (R TX 32nd)Edit

  1. GOP: We'll never bring back so-called 'earmarks'. Now, let me tell you about this new feature we like to call "congressionally-directed spending"

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R CA 48th)Edit

  1. Congressman calls constituents who want a town hall meeting "enemies of democracy"

Rep. Steve King (R, IA 4th)Edit

  1. Homeschoolers revolt over a Republican bill which would give them federal funds for teaching their children at home, but only after they tell the government that they're teaching their children at home

Senator John McCain (R AZ)Edit

  1. In shocking news, John McCain is a maverick in name only and has backed all of Trump's decisions with his votes
  2. How bad are these town halls getting for Republicans? John McCain would rather make unannounced visits to war zones than go home to his constituents

Rep. Tim Murphy (R PA 18th)Edit

  1. Another republican ducks out of a public discussion because of a large, confrontational crowd - of 24 people

Rep. Dave Brat (R VA 7th)Edit

  1. The guy who took out Eric Cantor has another trick up his sleeve for Republicans: how to survive their town halls

Senator Joni Earnst (R IA)Edit

  1. Iowa Senator Joni Ernst, the hog farmer who bragged about castrating pigs and wearing bread bags on her feet, held a town hall where angered GOP voters who felt betrayed chanted "YOUR LAST TERM"

Rep. Steve Womack (R AR 3rd)Edit

  1. Voter completely owns GOP Rep. Steve Womack: "You guys wasted a lot of money on Benghazi, waste a little on Trump" (w/video goodness)

Rep. Darrell Issa (R CA 49th)Edit

  1. Darrell Issa to skip town hall meeting so he can spend more time trying to impeach Hillary

Senator Bill Cassidy (R LA)Edit

  1. NaDHa'ghach - 'you have no honor'. Republican congressman subjected to klingon ritual of discommendation. claims he was framed by the Ferengi

Senator Marco Rubio (R FL)Edit

  1. Since he's been refusing to hold one on his own, Progressive activists held a "town hall meeting" featuring a cardboard cutout of Marco Rubio in place of the Senator. Unclear if anyone could tell the difference
  2. Marco Rubio is avoiding town halls due to "liberal activists." Because all Republicans love him, you see

Rep. Peter King (R NY 2nd)Edit

  1. Ummm yep, that's our New York Republican Rep. Peter King, spineless on the outside... and still rotten on the inside

Rep. Mike Conaway (R TX 11th)Edit

  1. Republican criticizes "God Bless America", pussy

Rep. Mike Burgess (R TX 26th)Edit

  1. "Some people just don't care enough about their own care." Other people care enough to make sure some people just can't get care

Rep. Mark Walker (R NC 6th)Edit

  1. Key House Republican to oppose GOP healthcare bill because it allows people to receive healthcare


J.V. TeamEdit

  1. State Senator Rob Bradley (R, FL, 5th)
    1. Holster your Skittles: NRA-backed bill would make it much easier to claim self-defense in murder cases
  2. Dan Adamini
    Secretary of the Marquette County (MI) Republican Party
    1. Michigan Republican offers solution of "Another Kent State" to resolve all those pesky students expressing their opinions
      1. One resigned in Mich-I-Gan
  3. State Senator Judy Burges (R, AZ, 22nd)
    1. Arizona Republicans decide charities who help refugees should be penalized $1,000 per day for their kindness
  4. State Senator Charles Perry (R, TX, 28th)
    1. Don't mess with Texas...unless you are President Trump and threaten to cut our federal funding. Then we are eager to roll over and be your ever obedient biatch
  5. State Rep. John Landon (R, IA, 37th)
    1. Republican lawmakers in Iowa believe local government is bad
  6. State Rep. Dave Deyoe (R, IA, 49th)
    1. Republican lawmakers in Iowa believe local government is great
  7. Gov. Butch Otter (R ID)
    1. With "Die Quickly" not working out well to replace the ACA this bootstrappy lawmaker would like to try life coaches for all
  8. State Rep. Terry Lynn Weaver (R, TN, 40th)
    1. Having solved all of Tennessee's problems, legislature wants to declare children conceived from IVF illegitimate
  9. State Senator Joey Hensley (R, TN, 28th)
    1. Having solved all of Tennessee's problems, legislature wants to declare children conceived from IVF illegitimate
  10. State Rep. Justin Humphrey (R, OK, 19th)
    1. So babies are parasites?
  11. State Rep. Kevin Austin (R, MO, 136th)
    1. Missouri lawmaker holding hearings on rolling back discrimination protections decides he only wants to hear from white people
  12. Alabama state House
    1. Alabama House passes bill to deny funding to "sanctuary" colleges offering safe havens to immigrants, minorities from hate crimes, because nobody wants that in the state
  13. Texas State Legislature
    1. Texas bathroom bill could cost them the Super Bowl. Not that the Cowboys or Texans have a shot anyway
  14. Eric Greitens
    governor of Missouri
    1. Missouri's new governor complains about how the media is covering him, even as he continues to refuse to talk to reporters
  15. State Senator Charles Schwertner (R, TX, 5th)
    1. Texas senator doesn't want to yield the floor, so he shatters a table
  16. James Green
    Vice Chairman of the Wasatch County GOP
    1. Utah GOP official sorry for writing letter expressing his true feelings on equal pay for women
  17. State Senator Ron Richard (R, MO, 32nd)
    1. Dream of operating a shady and deceptive business that rips off customers every day? Then set up shop in Missouri, where it'll soon be illegal to sue a business for anything
  18. State Senator Mark Chelgren (R, IA, 41st)
    1. Iowa Lawmker introduces bill to "create greater diversity of thought" at Iowa's Universities.. by instituting a hiring freeze "until the number of registered Republicans and Democrats on the faculty fall within 10 percent of each other"
  19. The State of Oklahoma
    1. Governor Failin' says Oklahoma faces $878 million shortfall for upcoming year, revenue failure declared and if we don't tax the poors more it will get worse
  20. State Senator Ed Emery (R, MO, 31st)
    1. State lawmakers hope to make Missouri the latest state to send pecker checkers into school bathrooms to harass your kids
  21. Missouri State Legislature
    1. Since a recession could not possibly happen again, Missouri legislature votes to cut available unemployment benefits down to 13 weeks
  22. Arizona State Senate
    1. Arizona Senate votes to seize assets of those who plan, participate in protests that turn violent
    2. How Trump plans on dismantling Constitutionally-protected protests
  23. Montana State Senate
    1. Montana Republicans: we can't let people vote by mail because they might vote for Democrats
  24. State Rep. Paul Espinosa (R, WV, 66th)
    1. In other news, WV currently has a Dept. of Education
  25. Maryland State Legislators
    1. Marylanders took a gamble believing that casinos would solve education budget, with predictable results
  26. Various state legislatures
    1. Republican state legislators flooding the system with bills that would make protesting illegal, and would lessen charges filed against drivers who drove through protest lines. That's 17 kinds of farked up, right there

WTF?Edit

No one was expecting these

Congressional Black CaucusEdit

  1. In case you were wondering if the President of the United States actually asked a black person today to set up meetings with other black people by virtue of their blackness, the answer is
    1. Congressional Black Caucus discovers Trump's a weirdo
    2. "Not all black people in DC know each other"

Rep. Seth Moulton (D MA 6th)Edit

  1. Rep. Seth Moulton: "General Mattis may resign because Trump is so farking insane"

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R UT 3rd)Edit

  1. For absolutely no reason in particular. Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) has introduced legislation that all future presidential candidates must undergo a physical and mental health examination by an independent doctor who will publicly release the results

Rep. Tom Garrett (R VA 5th)Edit

  1. Hoping to prevent the liberal horde outside his door from burning him in effigy over his stance on health care, Rep. Tom Garret (R, VA-5th-of-booze) tries to give them something else to light up by introducing a bill to legalize marijuana
    1. Jeff Sessions envisions an America in which marijuana is sold at every corner grocery store. Hey, maybe this guy isn't so bad after all

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R CA 48th)Edit

  1. African strongmen, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, "friends in Europe", and Jack f*cking Abramoff. All we need is someone to call a hit and we'll have a terrible noir film


JV SquadEdit

  1. Bill de Blasio
    mayor of New York City
    1. Bill de Blasio interviewed by Federal prosecutors over...something



Everyone ElseEdit

Senator Elizabeth Warren (D MA)Edit

  1. Sen. Warren reads the Congressional record, Coretta Scott King's words when Sessions was nominated as a judge in 1986. You best believe that's a rule 19 violation according to majority leader McConnell
    1. The silencing of Elizabeth Warren has backfired on the GOP
    2. Sean Spicer: 'I can only hope that if Coretta Scott King was still with us,' I'd hope she'd support Jeff Sessions
    3. Apparently, reading Coretta Scott King's letter out loud on the Senate floor is only a violation of rule 19 if you're a woman
    4. Senator Elizabeth Warren was silenced by an old obscure Senate rule that was prompted by a fistfight
    5. Coretta Scott King's biggest supporter confirmed as Attorney General

Senator Cory Booker (D NJ)Edit

Senator Chuck Schumer (D NY)Edit

Senate minority leader

  1. Capitol Hill grinds to a halt, consumed by news of Trump's Russian connections. So, thanks Trump?
  2. Chuck Schumer says that soon Republicans will grow a spine and put an end to their support of Trump's general horribleness. Any. Day. Now

Senator Al Franken (D MN)Edit

Senator John McCain (R AZ)Edit

  1. McCain to Trump: How about you do some Presidentin' and help Ukraine fight off current Russian aggression? Is this thing on?
  2. Like an abused spouse calling a party host to apologize for their partner's drunken and boorish behavior at the event, today John McCain called the Australian Ambassador " to express my unwavering support for the U.S.-Australia alliance,"
  3. John McCain has become the sole voice of reason in the GOP

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D CA 12th)Edit

House Minority Leader

  1. Nancy Pelosi (D) decides that the call for less political correctness goes both ways, calls Steve Bannon a white supremacist during press conference. Twice
  2. Capitol Hill grinds to a halt, consumed by news of Trump's Russian connections. So, thanks Trump?

Rep. Richard Neal (D, MA 1st)Edit

  1. Remember the 1980s, when Democrats and Republicans talked to each other about tax policy? Representative Richard Neal (Old-MA) does

Senator Chris Murphy (D CT)Edit

  1. "Do you agree that Trump is a fascist, Senator?"

Senator Lisa Murkowski (R AK)Edit

  1. "I cannot live in fear of a tweet," Murkowski (R-eally fired) said, laughing, as she defended her opposition to confirming Betsy DeVos

Rep. Bill Pascrell Jr. (D NJ 9th)Edit

  1. Do it
    1. House panel rejects demands for Trump to release his tax returns

Senator Jeff Merkley (D OR)Edit

  1. Apparently, reading Coretta Scott King's letter out loud on the Senate floor is only a violation of rule 19 if you're a woman
    1. Senator Elizabeth Warren was silenced by an old obscure Senate rule that was prompted by a fistfight
    2. Coretta Scott King's biggest supporter confirmed as Attorney General

Rep. Ted Lieu (D CA 33rd)Edit

  1. Bill to require White House to have psychiatrist evaluate the mental health of the President. Here. I'll save you some money. The President is crazier than a barnyard rat on meth. There you go, see how easy that was?
  2. Congressman Ted Lieu demands investigation into Trump's use of unsecured Android phone and WH staff's use of private email servers. This should make it to committee by sometime around 2028

Rep. Adam Schiff (D CA 28th)Edit

  1. Rep. Adam Schiff,the top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee,told democrats in a private conference today that more information on Russia/Trump/Flynn ties will surface soon and "are only the beginning"

Senator Lindsay Graham (R, SC)Edit

  1. Sen. Lindsey Graham: My, my, I do declare, contact between Trump campaign and Russian intel officials would be a game changer, you hear

Rep. Elijah Cummings (D MD 7th)Edit

  1. Trump: Rep.Cummings backed out of meeting with me claiming 'Oh, I can't move, it might be bad for me politically. I can't have that meeting". Rep. Cummings: "Dude,what?"

Rep. Walter Jones (R NC 3rd)Edit

  1. And the first GOP Congressman has hit the Trump-Putin International Hotel and Pleasure Palace

Rep. Mark Sanford (R SC 1st)Edit

  1. GOP Congressman Mark "Appalachian Trail" Sanford is all out of farks to give, and hates Trump with a white-hot hate

Rep. Karen Bass (D CA 37th)Edit

  1. Congresswoman Karen Bass holds town hall with everybody pretty much agreeing with each other that Trump's agenda is terrible

Senator Susan Collins (R ME)Edit

  1. Dooooooo Eeeeeeeeet

Rep. Jerry Nadler (D NY 10th)=Edit

  1. Republican lawmakers plan on derailing inquiry into Manchurian President's ties to Russia because of course they do. They do acknowledge that it may make things awkward with their constituents

Rep. Tom Emmer (R MN 6th)Edit

  1. Even the Republican town halls are nice in MN: Oh you better don't stop supporting Trump and stop threatening to repeal Obamacare, I may have to vote Democratic next election, dontchaknow

Senator Tom Udall (D NM)Edit

  1. I see your Gorsuch and raise you a Garland

J.V. SquadEdit

  1. State Rep. Beth Fukumoto (R?/D?, HI, 36th)
    Hawaii state House minority leader
    1. Fukumoto may leave GOP. Trump last seen trying to figure out which Japanese island that was and where it was located
  2. State Senator Daylin Leach (D, PA, 17th)
    1. Come after me you fascist loofa-faced shiatgibbon
  3. Various Indiana Republican Politicians
    1. The People of the State of Indiana would like to thank the American public for removing the horror that was Mike Pence from their government
  4. Various lawmakers from various jurisdictions
    1. Lawmakers from around the country introducing legislation for the sole purpose of annoying Trump
  5. Paul Penzone
    Maricopa County Sheriff
    1. Not News: Sheriff obeys Constitutional law. News: Immigration law Fark: In Arizona. ÜberFark: Sheriff is Joe Arpaio's replacement
  6. Kansas State Legislature
    1. A coup has begun in Brownbackistan
      1. Governor Brownbackstain to just let tax hike bill become law without his signature. Yeah, about that
      2. Kansas legislature: We need to raise taxes. Gov. Brownback: Vetoed. Kansas legislature: OVERRIDDEN
      3. As the revolt in Brownbackistan gains momentum, rebel forces seize control of the state legislature and vote to accept Obamacare funds to expand Medicaid, and restore the tenure rights to public school teachers that were removed in 2014
  7. Utah State Senate
    1. Utah saying No Mo to the No Promo Homo sex ed law
  8. Chris Hurst
    1. An American comes up with a brilliant gun violence prevention system, but first a lot of people had to die
  9. Ed Gonzalez
    Harris County Sheriff
    1. Newly elected Latino democratic sheriff informs the federal government that their deputies will no longer serve as deputies for ICE
  10. State Senator Ricardo Lara (D, CA, 33rd)
    1. California may go single-payer if it can find $40 billion per year in extra revenue on top of new employer and employee taxes
  11. Minnesota state Senate
    1. Minnnesota legalizes Sunday liquor sales after 100+ years. Coincidence that It happened shortly after Trump became POTUS? Subby thinks not


See AlsoEdit




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