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This is an archive of 115th Congressional Dumpster Fire Fark threads for the month of March, 2017
Click this link for the current month, or here for the rest of the archive.

BackgroundEdit

This section will provide background information about the members of the 115th U.S. Congress, or their party affiliation, etc. any information to give a basic overview of the 115th U.S. Congress that does not necessarily need a Fark-related thread.

  • date first called into session: January 3, 2017
  • date Americans can first expect relief: January 3, 2019
    • elections November 6, 2018
  • to read about all the legislative crap they're up to click here, for outstanding individual achievements in assholery, click here, for "investigations" click here and for confirmation hearings click here

Congresscritters and how to contact themEdit

Current Pending BillsEdit


Fark Threads on the President's Address to CongressEdit

  1. Colbert completed Trump's 'say it to my face' challenge
    1. Here is the real democratic response to Trump's speech
    2. With a coherent speech for once, Donald Trump may have just had his Bar Mitzvah moment
    3. Apparently not having learned their lesson from the past election, Democrats pick the most underwhelming candidate they could find to deliver the Democratic response to Trump. How underwhelming? Even Rachel Maddow panned him as small and stunty
    4. President ME has left the building: Trump references self 60 percent less than Obama in first SOTU address. And remember, this is Donald Trump we are talking about
    5. Factchecking of Trump's speech exceeds expectations by 17%
    6. Of the three bills and two executive orders President Trumpler signed yesterday, guess which one wasn't given a signing ceremony or photoshoot
    7. Trump's first address to congress was watched by three billion people, more than any other American President before him
    8. We now know Trump is no ballerina, he didn't have a one-night "pivot" concerning his State of the Union speech, so just stop picturing him in a tutu
    9. Fox News was the most-watched cable network for Trump's State of The Confederacy speech
    10. "The media's reaction to his speech to Congress was shameful"


Fark Threads on LegislationEdit

To stare into the abyss that is the previous months of this circus, please click here (Don't say you weren't warned)

GeneralEdit

Repeal of MedicareEdit

  1. Poor people don't want health care and Jesus was against helping the sick for free. Apparently we've been doing it wrong all this time
  2. Trumpcare raids Medicare to enrich the wealthy and plant a bomb meant to destroy it forever. America First, indeed

Repeal of ACAEdit

  1. Background
    1. Is Obamacare really failing?
  2. Backlash
  3. Repeal
  4. (3/23/2017) Reporter: Sen Roberts are you worried that cuts to the "essential health benefits" regs will cause people to lose access to vital healthcare? Roberts: "Well I sure wouldn't want to lose my mammograms"..hyuk hyuk hy..let me begin my three part apology by... 
  5. Replacement
    1. A healthcare plan only republicans can see? We are really taxing that "Emperor has no clothes" parable to the limit
    2. "We won't know what's in the healthcare bill until after it's been voted on." Of course. Typical libe-what? Rand Paul? RAND PAUL
    3. Another day / another leak / another way / to take a peek / at RyanCare version 10.5
    4. Finally, House Republicans have released their plan that will replace Obamacare. No, you don't need to know its cost yet, just enjoy the plan. What's that? Who's covered? I SAID JUST ENJOY THE PLAN
      1. "Meh, he's a crazy asshole. What did you expect? Don't look at us, you voted for the guy." - The GOP Leadership
      2. Why Democrats will eventually come to love Obamacare Lite
      3. No one likes Ryancare because it's either A) too evil or B) not evil enough
    5. GOP diligently works to reform healthcare by repealing the extremely problematic 10% sales tax on indoor tanning. Maybe if the Great Cheeto doesn't have to pay such high taxes on tanning beds he will layoff the spray
      1. The bar has now been set for "stupidest thing said during the Obamacare repeal debate". " Rep Jason Smith (Slow-MO) decrying Obamacare's tax on tanning beds, If Democrats are concerned about dskin cancer "Why haven't they put a tax on the sun instead?"
    6. This timeline of how Trumpcare went from fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies to putrid shiatbiscuits in just 24 hours is a perfect example of how the Trump administration is running like a well-oiled Charlie Sheen
    7. "You can't wait one week to see what it would cost?" an exasperated Shepard Smith lambastes Republican Congressman Buddy Carter for trying to push through an ill-informed ACA repeal
      1. Columnist Charles "C-Unit" Krauthammer says the GOP healthcare bill is Obamacare Lite. Bonus: Says the GOP should pass it anyway. Double Bonus: Because this is all FDR, Eisenhower, and Obama's fault
      2. It looks like the most effective way to save Obamacare is simply to label whatever awful "replacement" the GOP comes up with as "Trumpcare" and sit back and let the Narcissist-in Chief do all the heavy lifting to kill it
    8. Rand Paul introduces simple bill to full repeal Obamacare titled "Popcorn Dot Gif Act of 2017"
    9. Much like the average Farker trying to give up drinking, Republicans are finding it hard to give up obstructionism after their 8 year long addiction
  6. Congressman Burgess (ĐŻ-TX) is willing to lose job by causing Americans to lose health insurance
  7. Could Republican bumbling have resulted in a single-payer health care system? Wait, would that mean Bernie Sanders won after all?
  8. WTF in Chief Donald Trump warns republicans that by repealing Obamacare they are "putting themselves in a very bad position"
  9. Shepard Smith says it's "stunning" that after years of Republicans being united on fighting Obamacare, they can't agree on a replacement
  10. "Repair"
    1. Rescinding coal miners health benefits
      1. Oh, nothing. It's just that 23000 coal miners and their dependents are about to lose their health insurance. I guess they should've just been born rich

TrumpCareEdit

World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017

  1. World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017. No, really, that`s what it's actually called
    1. President Trump: Our wonderful new Healthcare Bill is now out for review and negotiation. Kellyanne Conway: TrumpCare? Oh, hell to the no
      1. Please call the atrocious Republican healthcare plan "Trumpcare". Because the White House doesn't want you to call it that
    2. The big Trumpcare question: "Can I keep my doctor?" HA HA HA HA HA. NO
    3. The Uber-conservative National Review "If you want to see political malpractice in action, you don't have to read Donald Trump's latest tweet - just look at the mess Republicans have made of replacing Obamacare"
    4. Trump tries, fails to be Presidential. This is not a repeat from every hour of every day for the past 47 days
    5. President Trump (R) in January:"There will be health insurance for everybody. Much less expensive than Obamacare and much better." White House Budget Director Mulvaney (R) in March:"Insurance for ordinary people is not really the end goal"
    6. Breitbart, Steve Bannon's own personal public relations arm, thinks the GOP's ACA replacement is terrible
    7. Everyone can relax now, the GOP is not replacing Obamacare completely, just the parts that actually work
    8. GOP ObamaCare replacement at least has a critical tax break for corporate executives struggling to pay their bribes to lobbyists
    9. Fox News slams GOP health care reform plan. Yes, THAT Fox News
    10. For some reason Paul Ryan is acting like your boring poli sci teacher explaining obamacare repeal
  2. The first House panel advances the ACA repeal
    1. Paul Ryan: The "fatal conceit" of Obamacare is that HEALTHY people with insurance subsidize SICK people's health costs
  3. Hey, wait a second. Why AREN'T the insurance companies screaming bloody murder about the potential destruction of the individual insurance market?
  4. Brookings Institute:"At least 15 million will lose their coverage under the American Health Care Act." Congressional Republicans:"We don't like your negative analysis so we'll make our own. With some spreadsheets or whatever"
  5. Paul Ryan; "Trump will never win a beauty contest." Wait, what? Oh, Trumpcare will never win a beauty contest. Coulda went either way
  6. Sarah Palin (yeah, her) actually manages to veer close to a couple of salient points before the wheels inevitably fly off
  7. Trump voters to be hardest hit by Trump's health care plan. Clinton voters still set to suffer debilitating cases of schadenfreude
  8. Even Breitbart thinks that Tom Price's comments that "everyone will be covered" under Trumpscare was the lie of the year
  9. CBO will release their score for Trumpcare at 4 PM, to be followed by Presidential toilet rant on twitter at 5 AM
    1. CBO estimates 14 million people losing health insurance if American Health Act is passed
    2. CBO projects iPhone sales to drop by 14M in 2018, accelerate to over 24 million by 2026
    3. NBC Reporter: "Can we trust that what the President says is real?" Bullshiat Spice: "If he's not joking, of course"
    4. Sean Spicer seemed shocked to hear Jim Acosta say poor people existed; he just thought it was a myth like Star Wars or Hillary Clinton having people murdered
    5. Newt licks himself some Trump butt. Mmm, that's good Trump butt
    6. Trump White House on CBO report on Trumpcare: unbelievable, fake news. Our own analysis shows that by 2026 twice as many Americans will lose health insurance as the CBO report. So there
    7. CBO report suggests TrumpCare may be responsible for thousands of unplanned births. Man, I keep hearing he's screwing us, but I didn't take it literally
    8. (3/23/2017) CBO just released scoring for amended Trumpcare bill. HOLY FARK: 52 million uninsured, and premiums would skyrocket. LGT PDF 
  10. As their Obamacare replacement cuts off funds for Planned Parenthood, Republicans want to reassure women that other clinics will step up to provide their low-cost breast exams, contraception and cancer screenings. Let's see how that worked in TX
  11. Paul Ryan would like to remind all Americans that Trump had his tiny hands all over the crafting of the GOP's healthcare legislation
  12. Trump's agenda hinges on the fate of Trumpscare
  13. GOP is scrambling to re-write their healthcare bill after the CBO estimates show just how much it will piss off their voting base of old white people
  14. Trumpcare raids Medicare to enrich the wealthy and plant a bomb meant to destroy it forever. America First, indeed
  15. A bunch of GOP senators are rooting for Republican healthcare efforts to fail because they don't want to get blamed for killing millions of people
  16. 1) Don't get sick. 2) If you do get sick, die quickly
  17. With his so-called healthcare bill imploding, Paul Ryan does the only thing he can do - schedule a final vote on it for next week
  18. HHS Sec. Tom Price says that benchmark for healthcare should be care, not insurance coverage. Aight we can all agree on that? Now let's hear how Trump/GOP plans to provide said care... oh laissez-faire mmmkay that worked magnificently the last time
  19. Ryan goes all in on Don'tCare
  20. Rand Paul predicts that Trumpcare will pass, fail completely, and only then after the complete collapse of the healthcare system will any real negotiations towards healthcare reform begin
  21. Trump threatens Republicans to support TrumpCare or lose their seats. Or possibly grab them by it, one of the two
    1. Bullshiat Spice: Come on guys, obviously the President was having some fun with recalcitrant GOP members who refuse to back Health Care bill, he wasn't actually threatening them...no, really. Trust him
    2. What's it like to have Trump grab you by the pussy?
    3. "If they vote against [Trumpcare] they could face the wrath of a vengeful and combative president. If they vote for it, they risk retribution from the Koch [bros.] and other powerful right-wing players whose money can be pivotal in re-election races"
  22. Republican Senator thinks that maybe, possibly, Republican voters might get mad at them for passing a bill that doesn't do anything remotely close to what they've been promising for 7 years
  23. President Trump's stellar negotiation tactics have caused three wavering Republican lawmakers to firm up their stance on the ACA repeal-and-replace bill: they came out against it
  24. 2009 GOP: Democrats adding incentives to the ACA bill in exchange for votes is pure evil. 2017 GOP: Hey NY delegation, what'll it take to buy your votes for our bill?
  25. Let's check in with some actual healthcare providers and see what they think about Paul Ryan's Trumpcare powerpoint.... oh. Oh my
  26. GOP: We can't vote for Trumpcare. It's terrible. Trump: What if we fix it so states can require Medicaid recipients to work to get Medicaid? GOP: ...Go on
  27. (3/23/2017) TrumpCare is so full of win, only 17% of voters approve of it -- including a paltry 41% of Republicans 
  28. (3/23/2017) We're going to vote today to throw 24 million Americans off healthcare. Why don't we just go ahead and arrest 54 disabled people in wheelchairs protesting while we're at it? That ought to generate some favorable press 
  29. (3/24/2017) Old and busted: "We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it." New hotness: "Once we get it done, we can have the chance to really explain it" 
  30. (3/24/2017) Trump comes out with withdrawal method for GOP package 
  31. (3/24/2017) Congressman: You know, it might be a good idea to pause the President's legislative agenda until the investigation into his possible collusion with the Russian government is complete 
  32. (3/24/2017) Sometimes you drain the swamp, sometimes the swamp drains you 

GOP Vote on TrumpCare Leaning ...Edit

  1. General
    1. (3/23/2017) Will the Affordable Care Act be repealed, paving the way for Trumpscare? Will enough GOP votes flip to the other side and keep the ACA intact? Trump forced a vote without having support. It's your Official ACA Repeal Discussion Thread Live thread
    2. (3/23/2017) Trump and pals just rewrote the Trumpcare bill to appease the right-wingers and you'll never guess what happened to the support from the moderates 
    3. (3/23/2017) Despite overnight scrambling, as of this morning, Republican House "no" vote counts on Obamacare repeal sit at 36, well above the 22 vote threshold needed to kill the bill 
    4. (3/23/2017) Republicans delay Trumpcare vote after failing to garner enough votes for passage 
    5. (3/23/2017) Russian backed despot issues terroristic demand to U.S. government 
    6. (3/24/2017) Donald Trump is taking on The Freedom Caucus. Whoever wins, we lose đŸ‘‘
  2. (3/24/2017) The healthcare vote hasn't even happened yet and already Republicans are accusing each other of epic blunders, drinking fetus smoothies, and loving communism 
  3. (3/24/2017) They don't have the votes 
  4. (3/24/2017) Yesterday's ACA vote was delayed after threats. Will Trump's cunning stunt pay off, or will he be handed a bipartisan defeat? It's do-or-die for American Health Care as the House votes on Trumpscare. Vote Cancelled Live thread
  5. (3/24/2017) Trumpcare debate and vote at 3:30 EST. Watch it become Failcare Live thread
  6. (3/24/2017) Will he announce his resignation on the heels of a crushing defeat? Will he blame the Democrats? Will he blame Trump and Pence? THIS is your Paul Ryan "seppuku" press conference (4pm start) Live thread
  7. (3/24/2017) Sometimes you drain the swamp, sometimes the swamp drains you 
  8. Still On the Fence
  9. No
    1. Rep. Rod Blum (R IA 1st)
      (President Trump's stellar negotiation tactics have caused three wavering Republican lawmakers to firm up their stance on the ACA repeal-and-replace bill: they came out against it)
    2. Rep. Ted Budd (R NC 13th)
      President Trump's stellar negotiation tactics have caused three wavering Republican lawmakers to firm up their stance on the ACA repeal-and-replace bill: they came out against it)
    3. Rep. Leonard Lance (R NJ 7th)
      President Trump's stellar negotiation tactics have caused three wavering Republican lawmakers to firm up their stance on the ACA repeal-and-replace bill: they came out against it)

TrumpCare FailureEdit

  1. (3/25/2017) "The businessman president, who sold himself to tens of millions of disillusioned voters last year as the outsider who could tame a broken capital, ended his first confrontation with lawmakers overmatched, outmaneuvered and ultimately empty-handed" 
    1. (3/25/2017) Derpbert says that by suffering a crushing, embarrassing defeat on health care, Trump actually won and is actually stronger than ever. He would explain how, but it would require charts, graphs, and an abacus. And really, who has time? 
    2. (3/26/2017) Pence says, don't worry people of West Virginia, the scourge of public insurance will be gone with nothing good to replace it because I'm a Republican. Oops, did I say that out loud? 
    3. (3/26/2017) Trump voters, angered and outraged that the Affordable Care Act was not repealed [which is good for them], blame everyone but the actual source of the failure 
    4. (3/26/2017) Conservative media agrees: Trump is not to blame for the Trumpscare failure 
  2. (3/25/2017) "The GOP was counting on wiping out nearly $1 trillion in Obamacare taxes to help finance the sweeping tax cuts they've got planned for their next legislative act. And now it's unclear where all that money will come from." Fark needs a "ha-ha" tag âœ‚
  3. (3/25/2017) Paul Ryan: We've spent so much time being the party of "no" that we've forgotten how to govern 
    1. (3/26/2017) Steve Bannon has lost control of the classroom 
    2. (3/26/2017) Earlier today, Trump went on Twitter to tell his cultish followers to tune in to Fox News and watch Judge Jeanine. Those who did saw her channel her inner Trump and demand Paul Ryan step down as Speaker of the House 
    3. (3/26/2017) Priebus: Trump had no idea whatsoever that Judge Pirro was going to say all of those nasty things about Paul Ryan when he urged everyone to watch her show on Saturday 
  4. (3/25/2017) Who run Congresstown? Who... run... Congresstown? Freedom Caucus runs Congresstown. FREEDOM CAUCUS RUNS CONGRESSTOWN 
    1. (3/26/2017) "Mr. President, we need to figure out how to win back the Freedom Caucus." "I know, I'll link them to the evil Dumbocrats, so my followers will all turn on them." "Umm...brilliant idea, Mr. President" 
    2. (3/26/2017) Trump is 'red hot' with rage over healthcare debacle and determined to make disloyal Republicans pay 
  5. (3/27/2017) Trump's repeal Obamacare is re-imagined as a D&D game gone awry. Check out next week when Prince Trump (R-avnos) blows all his illusions covering a secret Tzimisce connection in a Vampire: The Masquerade LARP session 
  6. (3/27/2017) Every tough vote is going to suffer the same fate as Trumpcare, because even in a sleazy town like DC, the only currency in a tough vote is trust. And literally nobody trusts Trump 
  7. (3/28/2017) Turns out Paul Ryan's reputation as a wonky genius was a bit oversold; Republicans are bedazzled when you bother to use numbers at all, but his tax plan is "a modest proposal"-level garbage 
  8. (3/28/2017) Trumpscare did not have the support of the majority of Trump voters 
  9. (3/29/2017) New poll shows deluded Republicans blame the "bad bill" for Trumpscare failure and not Trump 
  10. (3/31/2017) Asshole sides with taint against dick 

Zombie TrumpCareEdit

  1. (3/28/2017) 'She'll be back. I barely touched her. And it was just the one time with her sister.' 
  2. (3/28/2017) Obamacare repeal is not dead, is getting better, thinks it'll go for a walk 
  3. (3/29/2017) Trump and GOP last week: "We have no healthcare Plan B, if this fails, that's it." This week: "We totally have like 50 Plan Bs and we're very determined to kill as many of you people as possible" 
  4. (3/30/2017) Paul Ryan refuses to work with Democrats on health-care legislation, a fact that will not in any way prevent him from blaming them when it doesn't pass 
    1. (3/30/2017) Some Republicans upset that Ryan accidentally said in public that they shouldn't work with Democrats at all 

Monitor Russian SanctionsEdit

H.R. 1313Edit

bypass GINA (Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act of 2008)

  1. House GOP bill would let employers demand workers' genetic test results

Convert Abandoned Mine Lands reserveEdit

make $1 billion available to help coal workers

  1. GOP: Obama killed the coal miners' jobs. GOP Rep.: Here's $1B to put them back to work. GOP: Not interested

H.R. 985Edit

"Fairness" in Class Action Litigation Act

  1. GOP lawmakers are about to pass two laws that would make it nearly impossible to sue corporations

H.R. 720Edit

Lawsuit Abuse "Reduction" Act

  1. GOP lawmakers are about to pass two laws that would make it nearly impossible to sue corporations

RANDPAUL ObamaCare Repeal billEdit

  1. Rand Paul introduces simple bill to full repeal Obamacare titled "Popcorn Dot Gif Act of 2017"

Active Cyber Defense Certainty (ACDC) ActEdit

"Get Hacked, Hack Back" would amend the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of xxxx

  1. New bill: Hacking victims have right to self-defense, can hack back

SOAREdit

Scholarships for Opportunity and Results Reauthorization Act
funding religious schools in D.C.

  1. House okays using taxpayer money for Islamic schools

GOP Infrastructure PlanEdit

  1. Civil engineers estimate it will cost approximately the amount of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to fix all of America's broken shiat

Hearing Protection ActEdit

misnamed bill regarding gun silencers

    1. The "Hearing Protection Act" is a GOP-introduced bill to a) update laws for maximal headphone volume output, b) make measurement of sound levels at live concerts mandatory, c) reduce restrictions on gun silencers

Overturning Obama-era RegulationsEdit

FCC privacy regulationsEdit

  1. Privacy, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. GOP wants to do away with FCC's entire privacy rulemaking to allow ISPs to sell your entire browsing history to advertisers or other third parties without your consent

Repeal ESSAEdit

Every Student Succeeds Act

    1. Congress votes to repeal rules that would hold school systems accountable for student performance, because that would REALLY fark up Betsy Devos' plan to outsource the public school system to Bob's Bait Shop and Institute of Jesusological studies

Ratify NATO confirmation for MontenegroEdit

  1. Tillerson forced to ask congress to hurry the fark up and ratify NATO confirmation for Montenegro, please

Sell ISP information to advertisersEdit

Senate Joint Resolution 34

  1. (3/23/2017) By 50-48 vote, the Senate passes Flake's bill to allow your ISP to sell your browsing history to anyone willing to pay for it. Evil corporations are getting tired of winning and having you for lunch 
  2. (3/29/2017) Yesterday, Congress killed internet privacy, so let's support a crowdfunding campaign that seeks to purchase and publish the search histories of all U.S. lawmakers responsible for this 
  3. (3/29/2017) Even the clowns from the Breitbart comments cesspool think the GOP are a bunch of dickbags for overturning Obama's online privacy regulations 

Competitive Health Insurance Reform Act of 2017 (H.R. 372)Edit

repeal McCarran-Ferguson special exemption from federal antitrust laws

  1. (3/23/2017) That law that exempted Health Insurance companies from creating monopolies? It could go down as early as next month 

Drug-testing unemployment applicantsEdit

  1. (3/28/2017) While we were distracted by Russia and healthcare, Congress voted to drug test the unemployed 

MAR-A-LAGO ActEdit

Make Access Records Available to Lead American Government Openness Act

  1. (3/24/2017) Democratic Congressman: Since the President claims he works while golfing at Mar-a-lago, shouldn't he be publishing the visitor's log so that we know who is influencing him? Oh yeah, while we're at it, let's demand the White House log as well 
    1. (3/28/2017) Good thing people like Russian oligarchs don't visit Trump and associates at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, imagine if there were visitor logs and records of those visits? Boy, would it look bad if they were on there, ya know? 
    2. (3/29/2017) Government Accountability Office decides that maybe it should look into this whole "Mar A Lago" thing. At least until Trump declares them enemy combatants 

Compel President to release his taxesEdit

  1. (3/29/2017) House Republicans block effort by Democrats to obtain President Trump's taxes because of course they did 

BudgetEdit

  1. (3/25/2017) "The GOP was counting on wiping out nearly $1 trillion in Obamacare taxes to help finance the sweeping tax cuts they've got planned for their next legislative act. And now it's unclear where all that money will come from." Fark needs a "ha-ha" tag âœ‚
  2. (3/27/2017) "He is fine taking eyeglasses from children so he can pass a bill," an angry Joy Reid says of Paul Ryan and his ironic Ayn Rand philosophy. When will Republicans learn Rand was a welfare queen with terrible ideologies that would destroy America? 

DeficitEdit

  1. (3/27/2017) Now that they control government again, Republicans are back to saying that "deficits don't matter" 

Tax CutsEdit

  1. (3/25/2017) "The GOP was counting on wiping out nearly $1 trillion in Obamacare taxes to help finance the sweeping tax cuts they've got planned for their next legislative act. And now it's unclear where all that money will come from." Fark needs a "ha-ha" tag âœ‚

The HONEST ActEdit

Honest and Open New EPA Science Treatment Act

  • would prohibit the EPA from writing any regulation that uses science that is not publicly available
  1. (3/30/2017) Republicans vote to disallow the EPA to rely on science 

Net NeutralityEdit

  1. (3/30/2017) Not content to gut internet privacy rules and allow ISPs to sell your browsing history to anyone, Trump and the GOP now set their sights on their next target of government over-regulation, net neutrality 

Tax "Reform"Edit

  1. (3/30/2017) History proves the White House will not be able to drive the tax reform train; they will, in fact, derail it 
  2. (3/31/2017) Paul Ryan's tax plan could finally achieve equality in the US ... by shifting 99.6 percent of the tax relief to the wealthiest 1 percent of the country so that everybody else can be equally poor 


Fark Threads on Congressional InvestigationsEdit

To view the full mess starting from January, 2017, please click here (Don't say you weren't warned)

Trump Campaign contacts with RussiaEdit

  1. Democrats are finally realizing that Comey knows quite a bit more about Russia and Trump than he's letting on
  2. Is Trey Ghowzi a scandal yet?
  3. Realizing that their base will still vote for them regardless of what he does, the GOP stays on the SS Trump
  4. The Trump-Beltway wars have only just begun
  5. Sorry Dems, the whole Jeff Sessions gig you've got going is nothing but fake news
  6. And here it is. The stupidest thing you will read all day
  7. FBI and NSA called to testify on Trump-Russia investigation. CIA was going to be called, but thanks to Wikileaks, Congress already knows what CIA was going to say anyway
  8. Nothing to see here -- just Trump associates directly communicating with Russian hackers mere weeks before the DNC was hacked
  9. AG Sessions: "Khorosho, ya sdelayu vse, chto vozmozhno, chtoby vosstanovit' nezavisimost' i professionalizm Ministerstva yustitsii"
  10. Trump Campaign Knew
  11. Russian spies offer to help tech companies overcome American spies
  12. White House finally responds to growing questions about Wikileaks CIA dump, Trump's wiretap accusation and connections to Russia...by canceling all press events
  13. White House spokesperson: Trump doesn't know a damn thing
    1. The master of understatement Shepard Smith finally snaps on the latest Michael Flynn collusion revelations, barks "There's been a lot of lying." It's just some light treason, right?
  14. FBI continues investigating the "odd" cyber link between a Russian bank and Trump's corporate holdings
  15. All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in one easy char- Really? Seven? We need THAT Many? OK, fine: All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in SEVEN, actually fairly complicated charts
  16. Sen. Murphy says what many of us are thinking, Wikileaks timing for releasing this info on the CIA is suspiciously timed, almost as if they were trying to deflect attention from something else, but what could that be?
    1. The real shocker in the WikiLeaks scoop is the demonstration, once again, that the U.S. government can't keep secrets
  17. Lindsey Graham vows to "find out all things Russian" and has put Trump right in his crosshairs
  18. James Comey to officially reveal if FBI is investigating Trump's ties to Russia during presidential election
  19. Russian oligarch who purchased Trump's Palm Beach mansion for way above market price, admits his plane and Trump's shared a tarmac in North Carolina days before the election, but totally did not meet or anything, trust him
  20. Senate Intelligence Committee
    1. Trump allies Roger Stone and Paul Manafort both wanted for questioning in Russia investigations
    2. (3/24/2017) After CNN reports that Trump aides are being investigated by the FBI for collusion with Russia, Roger Stone sends a ranting letter saying he was defamed and will "spank" his accusers "like little children". Difficulty: he wasn't named in the report 
  21. And today Comey throws Trump under the bus
    1. "Is Russiagate just a conspiracy theory?" If the headline ends in a question
  22. House Intelligence Committee
    1. Will Comey reveal that Trump is a puppet? Will the pee tape come to light? Will Trump demand Comey's head after the hearing? THIS is your House Intelligence Committee Hearing on Russia-gate thread (hearing starts at 10 AM EDT on C-SPAN)
      1. Comey confirms the FBI is investigating Trump team for Russia connections they can sweep under the rug
      2. James Comey answers the least suspenseful question in recorded history
        1. Pro tip: Wait until the hearing is over before you mischaracterize someone's congressional testimony, Mr. President, or you run the risk of being corrected in real-time
      3. Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing
      4. Pretty much, the only way today could have gone worse for Trump is if PornHub added a "presidential watersports" category to their search engine or Melania was revealed as a victim of "the Fappening 2.0"
      5. White House continues to defend wiretapping claim despite today's contrary statements from "so-called FBI Director" Comey
    2. (3/29/2017) You have to hand it to House Republicans, they are steadfastly refusing to throw Devin Nunes under the bus, instead they've decided they will ALL climb under the bus together and show those wheels who's boss 
    3. (3/29/2017) The evidence is now clear that the White House and Devin Nunes, the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, have worked together to halt the Russia Investigation 
    4. (3/29/2017) Devin Nunes explains that he wouldn't be totally cocking up this whole Russian investigation if the Democrats weren't forcing him to do a really bad job and also to betray his responsibility by being Trump's bootlicking toadie. See? The Dems did it 
  23. (3/30/2017) Paul Ryan: "I've seen the documents that Freaked Devin Nunes out. But I don't think he has" 
  24. (3/30/2017) Two aides have hit the Nunes Tower. Oh the hilarity 
  25. Minor unpaid Trump volunteer Paul Manafort was paid millions to push pro-Putin policy in US and Europe for the last decade
  26. A lot of smoke so far, here's some actual fire: US officials say Trump campaign coordinated with the Russians
  27. (3/25/2017) NBC's Andrea Mitchell: White House officials are "purging their cell phones" in expectation of getting subpoenaed 
  28. (3/25/2017) CNN analyst says the FBI has flipped Michael Flynn in a deal to implicate others in the Trump administration for colluding with Russia 
  29. (3/28/2017) What's this? Oh nothing, just a letter from the Justice Department trying to use the presidential communication privilege to block former Attorney General Sally Yates from testifying before the House Intelligence Committee about Trump-Russia ties 
    1. (3/28/2017) Spicer says it's 100% false that the White House tried to stop Yates from testifying, which means they TOTALLY tried to do that 
  30. (3/28/2017) Nunes: How can a blind man be a lookout? Graham: How can an idiot be the House Intelligence Committee Chairman? Nunes: ___ 
    1. (3/28/2017) Nunes: I have investigated myself and found no wrong-doing 
  31. (3/28/2017) Russian bank: Oh f*ck yes, we met with Jared. It was glorious 
  32. (3/29/2017) Why the FBI cannot expose the Trump/Russian collusion 
  33. (3/29/2017) Comey tried to warn us 
  34. (3/30/2017) The Senate Intelligence Committee holds open hearings on the Russian involvement in the 2016 US Presidential elections and other elections across Europe. Get your popcorn ready, folks. 10:00 AM EDT on C-SPAN 3 Live thread
    1. (3/30/2017) So, what did Kushner discuss with the Russians? 
  35. (3/30/2017) Flynn offers to testify in exchange for Immunity, Jeff Bridges giving him back that arcade 
    1. (3/31/2017) Trump praises Mike Flynn for seeking immunity after watching Fox & Friends. I guess the segment didn't tell Trump who Flynn will be testifying against 
      1. (3/31/2017) Jayson Chaffetz has rare moment of clarity, points out that Donnie needs to STFU about Flynn's request for immunity. Things to return to normal in Jason's head in 3, 2, 1 
      2. (3/31/2017) How to make Trump rage-quit an exec order signing ceremony. Step 1: have CBS' Major Garrett ask a question about Michael Flynn (skip video to 42:30) 
    2. (3/31/2017) Senate Intelligence Committee to Mike Flynn: NO IMMUNITY FOR YOU 
    3. (3/31/2017) The five biggest moments in the downfall of Michael Flynn, who proved Sally Yates correct 

Possible Russian Interference Of 2016 POTUS ElectionEdit

  1. And Jeff recuses
  2. The fact that the Top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee which has been charged with looking into Russia's interference in the election was also a member of Trump's transition team should in no way cast doubt on the panel's work
  3. You know all those "BernieBros"? Turns out some were probably paid Russian agents, not that there are any here on Fark, of course

Possible Interference with Economic Sanctions against RussiaEdit

  1. WH ordered to keep all information they have regarding Russia. Presumably for the big bonfire they'll have when Putin has a state visit
  • Senate Judiciary Committee
    "asked the White House and law enforcement agencies to keep materials related to Trump associates’ alleged ties to Russia"
  • Senate Intelligence Committee
    "asked federal agencies to keep materials that tie into its investigation into Russian cyber hacking and other efforts to disrupt the election"
  1. And.... Here.... We... Go
  2. AG Sessions to hold press conference at 4pm Eastern, presumably to tell us that he did not have relations with that country. Or that he did. Either way, grab the popcorn, and here we go, again

Release of President's Tax ReturnsEdit

  1. White House releases tax info before Maddow's show, then Trump gets on the Twitter and calls it fake. WTF is this guy's problem?
    1. Donald Trump Jr. goes on Twitter rant about fake news after Rachel Maddow unveiled his father's very real tax returns
    2. Trump attorney challenges Scarborough to prove Trump team is behind tax leak, because proof is something everyone else has to provide
    3. And the biggest revelation from President Trump's leaked tax return? He will benefit more than anyone else with his proposed tax plan
    4. Maddow: Guys, there's a reason his campaign theme was "You can't always get what you want"
    5. Rachel Maddow rickrolled her liberal flock, and they love her for it and can't wait for the next benevolent serving of anti-Trump scraps
    6. Is MSNBC lackey Rachel Maddow in legal trouble for publishing Trump's tax return? Probably not but she should be
  2. "I know we at MSNBC done goofed. But hey, its real, so at least we got that going for us"

Possible Violation(s) of Emoluments Clause by POTUS or POTUS StaffEdit

Obama's Last-minute Weapons Shipment to KenyaEdit

Rep. Nadler's "Resolution of Inquiry"Edit

demanding Attorney General hand over “any document, record, memo, correspondence or other communication” pertaining to “criminal or counterintelligence investigations” related to Trump, White House staff or his business"

Obama Alleged Phone TappingEdit

  1. House Intelligence Committee requests that Trump FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: over his evidence of wiretapping by Monday
    1. House Intelligence Committee set today as the deadline for Trump to provide evidence he was the victim of an Obama "wiretapp." Will Trump follow through? What will happen if he fails to provide the evidence? Either way, things will get crazy today
    2. Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
      1. Welcome to Politics 2017 - The Year of the Walk Back
      2. Trump again says he was wiretapped as long as you include people listening to people in any situation as wiretapping
  2. Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
  3. House judiciary Republicans ask for FBI briefing on Trump's wiretapping claims, moon landing from 1969, and whereabouts of the Tooth Fairy
  4. Trump defenders are starting to sound like English Lit professors at a Joyce seminar: "So now you have to decide, are you going to take the tweets literally? And if you are then clearly the president was wrong. But if you're not"
  5. Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
    1. White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation"
    2. No longer even trying to hide it
    3. Deputy Director of the NSA calls Trump's UK spying allegations "just crazy", "arrant nonsense". Then insinuates Trump is ignorant and stupid. Why yes, he is retiring shortly
  6. Secret Service laptop containing the floor plans to Trump Tower and info about the Clinton email investigation stolen
  7. "Circumstantial evidence" regarding collusion between Russia and Trump campaign. The seven or so Trump surrogates who had many meetings with Russians not withstanding
  8. And today Comey throws Trump under the bus
  9. UK Intelligence Chief warns that Russia may have been behind Donald Trump's claim that British intelligence had wiretapped Trump Tower
  10. White House continues to defend wiretapping claim despite today's contrary statements from "so-called FBI Director" Comey
    1. David Cameron jokes that a main perk of no longer being British Prime Minister is that he doesn't have to listen to Donald Trump's wiretapped conversations any more, proving British brand of Conservative Humour is as weak as its American cousin
    2. Former Nixon White House Counsel John Dean: The actions of the Trump White House in response to the Russia story seem AWFULLY familiar to me...wait, don't tell me, it'll come to me any second
  11. People close to the president say Mr. Trump's Twitter torrent had less to do with fact, strategy or tactic than a sense of persecution bordering on faith: He simply believes that he was bugged in some way, by someone
  12. Rep. Nunes claims that Trump people were picked up on FBI wiretaps of Russians, which means, technically, Obama wiretapped the Trump campaign, which is the best kind of wiretapping
    1. Trump feels "somewhat vindicated" about his "wire tapping" allegations. "Somewhat vindicated" is in quotes meaning not actually vindicated at all

House Intelligence CommitteeEdit

  • 20 March 2017
    • FBI director James Comey
    • NSA director Admiral Mike Rogers, US Navy
  1. "FBI investigation...could hamper [Trump's political agenda for months, if not years, to come." HA. Years?]
  2. The FBI Russia probe will also investigate the Western wing of Russia's propaganda machine, Breitbart and Infowars
  3. The internet is forever, and things you post can come back to haunt you later. Isn't that right, Mrs. Kellyanne "Ha, ha, you're being investigated by the FBI" Conway?
  4. "The FBI probe into Trump and Russia is huge news. Our political system isn't ready for it"
    1. (3/23/2017) Devin Nunes may be trying to save his own ass 
    2. (3/23/2017) House intel committee head apologizes for his actions yesterday, saying, "Was that wrong? Should I have not done that?" 
    3. (3/23/2017) Kayleigh McEnany tried to say her fellow CNN panelists didn't support the Fourth Amendment. She was quickly humiliated, as is tradition 
  5. (3/23/2017) George W. Bush's ethics lawyer says FBI is "uncovering evidence of treason" by far right US news websites over their links with Russia. In other news, Bush had an ethics lawyer. Who knew? 
  6. (3/23/2017) Rep. Quigley (D-Down Under) becomes second intel committee member to confirm more-than-circumstantial evidence of Trump-Russia collusion during the '16 campaign 
  7. (3/24/2017) Former Trump campaign hanger-on Paul Manafort offers to perjure himself in front of the House Intelligence Committee 
  8. (3/24/2017) Former Trump campaign hanger-on Paul Manafort offers to perjure himself in front of the House Intelligence Committee 
  9. (3/24/2017) For no apparent reason, the Republican Intelligence Committee Chair decided to cancel the public hearing on the panels investigation of Trump and possible collusion with Russia 
  10. (3/25/2017) The conspiracy thickens as it's revealed House Intelligence Chair Devin Nunes went on a dead of night excursion and vanished from view the night prior to revealing the full details of the Intel revelations on Trump 
  11. (3/26/2017) Suitcases full of unmarked bills are out. These days you just have dirty politicians invest in a bit of real property or a brand and then flip that brand for a thousand times its worth while forcing distribution through an oligarch-controlled market Nunes’ heavily invested in company with ties to Russia

Independent CommissionEdit

to investigate allegations of potential coordination between the Trump campaign and the Russians

  1. House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
  2. (3/29/2017) Apparently Carly is more than just a wee bit miffed that nobody on the Trump transition team would return her calls 

Senate Intelligence CommitteeEdit

  1. (3/29/2017) Senate intelligence leaders say starting tomorrow 20 people will be questioned to finally get to the bottom of what influence Russia had over the Clintons during the 2016 election 

Fark Threads on Trump cabinet confirmation hearingsEdit

There was a whole lot more than appears here, please check the archive for the full horror show

GeneralEdit

Senate Rule 19Edit

Carson for Secretary of Housing and Urban DevelopmentEdit

  1. Senate confirms Ben Carson as secretary of HUD. Current plans are to inform him when he wakes up

Perry for Secretary of EnergyEdit

  1. Rick Perry officially confirmed as Secretary of... uh... Secretary of... wait I had something for this

Bannon for FĂźhrer of National Security CouncilEdit

Acosta for LaborEdit

  1. Trump's new pick for labor secretary made court deals with convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein

Wilson for Secretary of the Air ForceEdit

  1. (3/30/2017) Trump's AF Sec. Nom kept dodging Senator questions about consulting work she did for Sandia National labs which they're curious about since the company refunded $443K of the $464K they were paid after the GAO couldn't find any work they'd done 



Fark Threads on Federal Judiciary Confirmation HearingsEdit

GeneralEdit

Gorsuch for Supreme Court JusticeEdit

  1. Democrats paralyzed as Gorsuch skates. To be fair, his Biellmann spin and stag jump combo earned him a 10.0 from the Ecuadorian judges
  2. If Neil Gorsuch isn't a legitimate SCOTUS judge, then I understand the Senate has ways of shutting that down
  3. Will Democrats find their collective spines and be able to repel the nightmare of Conservative extremism that is Neil Gorsuch? Will we be reminded of the GOP's obstruction? It's your Official Supreme Court Confirmation Hearing Discussion Thread
  4. GOP Senators ask Judge Gorsuch the probing questions: "What's the answer to life, the universe, and everything?" and "Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?" Hey, I thought there wasn't going to be a litmus test
  5. Gorsuch believes it is improper to state opinions about historic cases. A SCOTUS appointee with no opinion or regard for precedent? The perfect candidate
  6. Unanimous Supreme Court overturns a Gorsuch decision ... in the middle of his confirmation hearing
    1. 'The SCOTUS bladder is something the whole country stands in awe of'
  7. Supreme Court Nominee thinks you should die to protect your company's property, no word on if he thinks the company owes you a funeral or if they can sue your spouse for cleaning up after your corpse
  8. (3/23/2017) Arizona Senator Jeff Flake asks Neil Gorsuch if he would rather fight "one horse- sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses." At least that explains how the Senator ended up with his last name 
  9. (3/23/2017) Sen. Chuck Schumer: "Eight is enough" 
  10. (3/24/2017) Could be when conservatives finally wake up about their Supreme Court pick Justice Neil Gorsuch, he might just become their worst nightmare 
  11. (3/25/2017) Lindsey Graham holds a town hall in deep red South Carolina to say he supports Judge Gorsuch's nomination to the Supreme Court. Let's check in to see how it goes. Ohlawdy.jpg 
  12. (3/29/2017) GOP: Either Gorsuch or Gohome 
  13. (3/29/2017) "No matter who's in power" only applies when Democrats have it 
  14. (3/30/2017) How many days does it take for Democratic Senator spines to crack and disintegrate into dust? Ah-one... ah-ha two.... ahhhh three. Three 
  15. (3/30/2017) Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) can't decide if she'd rather lose her seat in a general election, or a primary 
  16. (3/30/2017) GOP calls potential Gorsuch filibuster by Democrats "unprecedented". Merrick Garland unavailable for comment 
  17. (3/30/2017) First two Democratic Senators choose to be primaried next year, drag the Overton Window further rightward 
  18. (3/31/2017) Senator Richard Blumenthal will cast a no vote in confirming Gorsuch 


Fark threads on Trump AmbassadorshipsEdit

Please check the archive for previous threads on Ambassadorships since there probably won't be any more ambassadors in the future

Palin for Ambassador to CanadaEdit

soorry, eh

Ambassador to RussiaEdit

  1. Putin taps Jon Huntsman as ambassador from US

UN Ambassador for Food and AgricultureEdit

  1. Brownback catches last chopper outta Saigon...er....Kansas


Fark Threads on OversightEdit

No OversightEdit

  1. Trump to send 1000 troops to Syria because you can't win wars if you don't fight them

FCC Oversight HearingEdit

on Net Neutrality

  1. And there it is, the stupidest comment on net neutrality you've heard all day

House Committee on Energy and CommerceEdit

hearing on TrumpCare

  1. Health care hearing turns to chaos as Republican complains men have to pay for prenatal care

Reports from Congressional Budget OfficeEdit

cost of GOP healthcare misadventures

  1. GOP wants you to know that Keith Hall is a liberal hack who isn't fit to be CBO director
    (the previous link occured prior to the CBO's official announcement)
  2. CBO will release their score for Trumpcare at 4 PM, to be followed by Presidential toilet rant on twitter at 5 AM
    1. CBO estimates 14 million people losing health insurance if American Health Act is passed
    2. CBO projects iPhone sales to drop by 14M in 2018, accelerate to over 24 million by 2026
    3. NBC Reporter: "Can we trust that what the President says is real?" Bullshiat Spice: "If he's not joking, of course"
    4. Newt licks himself some Trump butt. Mmm, that's good Trump butt
    5. Trump White House on CBO report on Trumpcare: unbelievable, fake news. Our own analysis shows that by 2026 twice as many Americans will lose health insurance as the CBO report. So there
    6. If you hated Obamacare because your premiums went up too much, just wait until you try the new and improved 750% hike in Trumpcare
  3. Brookings Institute:"At least 15 million will lose their coverage under the American Health Care Act." Congressional Republicans:"We don't like your negative analysis so we'll make our own. With some spreadsheets or whatever"
    1. (3/23/2017) CBO just released scoring for amended Trumpcare bill. HOLY FARK: 52 million uninsured, and premiums would skyrocket. LGT PDF 

Federal government’s use of facial recognitionEdit

House Oversight and Government Reform Committee

  1. (3/23/2017) Walking piece of garbage and noted hypocrite Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) proposes using facial recognition software to track illegal immigrants 

Federal student loansEdit

Subcommittee on Higher Education and Workforce Development

  1. (3/23/2017) Is there a secret contest among GOP reps to see who can be the biggest asshole in public? WI Rep suggests abolishing Pell Grants because the kids just "waste" the money on computers and "goodies" and hey, they can just borrow the money anyway 

Senate Armed Services CommitteeEdit

  1. Army Gen. Curtis Scaparrotti
    Supreme Allied Commander Europe (SACEUR) of NATO Allied Command Operations, commander of the United States European Command
    1. (3/24/2017) Trump campaign accused of aiding the Taliban 

House Oversight CommitteeEdit

  1. (3/24/2017) Cummings and Chaffetz request Michael Flynn documents from White Hous-Oh shucks, seems they all fell into one of the several fireplaces in the White House. Wet floors will do that, ya know 

Senate Intelligence CommitteeEdit

  1. (3/27/2017) The Senate Intelligence Committee, the one NOT run by a Trump "stooge," has decided they would like "a word" with Trump son-in-law/beard Jared Kushner about the words he exchanged before the election with a Russian bank chief and the Ambassador 
  2. (3/29/2017) Senate intelligence leaders say starting tomorrow 20 people will be questioned to finally get to the bottom of what influence Russia had over the Clintons during the 2016 election 

March 31, 2017 HearingEdit

  • Title: "Disinformation: A Primer in Russian Active Measures and Influence Campaigns"
  • Testimony
    • Clinton Watt
      former FBI Special Agent; fellow, Foreign Policy Research Institute
  1. (3/31/2017) With Nixon, it was 'follow the money'. With Trump is more like "follow the trail of dead Russians.' 
  2. (3/31/2017) "Part of the reason active measures have worked in this U.S. election is because the commander in chief has used Russian active measures, at times, against his opponents" 

House Agriculture CommitteeEdit

hearing to discuss considering requiring SNAP beneficiaries to work

  1. (3/31/2017) GOP lawmaker: the Bible says the unemployed shall not eat 


Fark Threads on CongresscrittersEdit

The only reason why there is an archive for these assholes is so people might see examples of what not to do

GeneralEdit

  1. If the Republican party still has a moral center, it needs to find it or face extinction
  2. Apparently Republicans have become Russia's b*tches
  3. Right-wing House Republicans not happy with slow progress of Obamacare repeal so they're gonna build their own ACA repeal bills. With blackjack. And hookers
  4. Much like the average Farker trying to give up drinking, Republicans are finding it hard to give up obstructionism after their 8 year long addiction
  5. ProPublica fact-checks lawmakers' constituent letters and finds out that both sides really are bad. ChecktetrisBOOMSHAKALAKA, libulardorethuglikans

CaucusesEdit

Congressional Black CaucusEdit

  1. (3/23/2017/9525746) Lionel, could you get the waiter for a second, I want to leave him a big tip to show how much I love you people. What? Whaddya mean this isn't a restaurant? Who've I been tipping this whole time?  bf{{}}

House Freedom CaucusEdit

  1. (3/24/2017) Donald Trump is taking on The Freedom Caucus. Whoever wins, we lose đŸ‘‘
  2. (3/25/2017) Who run Congresstown? Who... run... Congresstown? Freedom Caucus runs Congresstown. FREEDOM CAUCUS RUNS CONGRESSTOWN 
    1. (3/26/2017) "Mr. President, we need to figure out how to win back the Freedom Caucus." "I know, I'll link them to the evil Dumbocrats, so my followers will all turn on them." "Umm...brilliant idea, Mr. President" 
  3. (3/26/2017) RNC PR-BS: White House will court moderate Democrats on the border wall-containing tax plan, possibly bypassing the House Freedom Caucus 
  4. (3/27/2017) The House Freedom Caucus' next trick: demanding that Planned Parenthood be defunded in the spending bill next month, or block it, threatening a shutdown of the Federal Government 
  5. (3/27/2017) Rep Ted Poe (R-TX) resigns from the Freedom Caucus saying "some of its members would vote against the Ten Commandments if it came up for a vote". Hard to tell if he was being serious or just trolling 
  6. Rep. Mark Meadows (R NC 11th)
    1. (3/27/2017) Freedom Caucus member hailed as hero for stopping leopards from eating his constituents' faces by trying to make leopards eat . . . jeez, even this stupid meme can't make sense of what's going on anymore 
  7. (3/30/2017) 193 Democrats, 30 Freedom Caucus members. Enough to start impeachment proceedings. Guess who Trump just called out on Twitter đŸ‘‘
    1. (3/30/2017) Freedom Caucus members to Donald Trump: welcome to the swamp, numbnuts 
  8. (3/31/2017) Asshole sides with taint against dick 

Republican CaucusEdit

  1. (3/29/2017) "Party before country" sinks to unprecedented depths as the GOP largely can't stand Trump but remains painfully and shamefully silent in the face of his trainwreck presidency 
  2. (3/29/2017) You have to hand it to House Republicans, they are steadfastly refusing to throw Devin Nunes under the bus, instead they've decided they will ALL climb under the bus together and show those wheels who's boss 

MeetingsEdit

Members informally discuss the President's proposed budgetEdit

  1. GOP to Trump: No, you can't shut down Meals on Wheels
  2. Congressional Republicans rebuke Trump's budget
  3. The age of open government is ending
  4. GOP Representatives: Here we'll put $75* billion into the bill. Don't ask what it does. We won't know until the Senate passes it

Special ElectionEdit

MontanaEdit

  1. At-large Congressional District

to fill seat of Ryan Zinke, who is now Secretary of the Interior

Obedient GOPEdit

Senator Marco Rubio (R FL)Edit

  1. Senators who have an office in your home states, please raise your hands. Not so fast, Senator Rubio
    1. Marco Rubio turned the other cheek only for the invisible hand of the market to spank him on that one too
  2. Marco Rubio says Snoop Dogg shouldn't have shot a toy gun at a clown dressed as President Trump, possibly since second amendment solutions for problems should only be proposed by clowns
  3. Marco Rubio says Snoop Dogg should have been more careful about pretending to shoot a Trump clown in a video because "presidents have been assassinated before"
  4. (3/30/2017) GOP calls potential Gorsuch filibuster by Democrats "unprecedented". Merrick Garland unavailable for comment 
  5. (3/31/2017) Little Marco says Russia targeted him too 

Rep. Darrell Issa (R CA 49th)Edit

  1. To no one's surprise, Darrell Issa wasn't actually serious about calling for investigations into the Trump administration
  2. Judge tosses out defamation lawsuit because Darrell Issa (R-dishonest and CAllous) failed to show that he wasn't dishonest and callous

Senator RANDPAUL (R KY)Edit

  1. Rand Paul introduces simple bill to full repeal Obamacare titled "Popcorn Dot Gif Act of 2017"
  2. "We won't know what's in the healthcare bill until after it's been voted on." Of course. Typical libe-what? Rand Paul? RAND PAUL

Senator Joe Leiberman (D CT)Edit

  1. Former Senator Joe Lieberman (Quisling-CT) says the Democratic strategy of across-the-board opposition to having people's faces eaten off is "thoughtless" and Dems should "compromise". Maybe just let the leopards eat the nose and ears, for example

Senator Ron Johnson (R WI)Edit

  1. Senator Ron Johnson, apparently terrified of actually speaking to constituents, treats them like stalkers and sends them cease and desist letters. Of course, calling 83 times in the space of a week is a bit excessive
  2. And there it is, the stupidest comment on net neutrality you've heard all day

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R UT 3rd)Edit

chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform

  1. Channeling St. Reagan, Jason Chaffetz suggests poors should buy healthcare instead of those Cadillacs they drive to the grocery store in order to buy steak and lobster with their food stamps
  2. FEC filings show Jason Chaffetz used over $700 of his campaign donors' money to shop at the Apple Store last year
  3. House okays using taxpayer money for Islamic schools
  4. (3/23/2017) Walking piece of garbage and noted hypocrite Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) proposes using facial recognition software to track illegal immigrants 

Rep. Trey Gowdy (R SC 4th)Edit

  1. Is Trey Ghowzi a scandal yet?
  2. Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing
  3. (3/27/2017) Apparently, Trey Gowdy missed the part where Devin Nunes admitted to running to Trump and giving him details on the Russia probe 

Rep. Mike Bost (R IL 12th)Edit

  1. GOP congressman says holding town halls is like being yelled at in a ritual "that the Orientals used to do"

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D CA 12th)Edit

House minority leader

  1. Nancy Pelosi: I never met Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak. File photo: Oh yeah? Nancy Pelosi: Oh, heh... did I say never? I meant never one-on-one. Ha, silly me

Rep. Dr. Roger Marshall (R KS 1st)Edit

  1. Poor people don't want health care and Jesus was against helping the sick for free. Apparently we've been doing it wrong all this time

Rep. Steve King (R, IA 4th)Edit

  1. Congressman Steve King (R-eally Crazy) wants a purge. No, really, he said that
  2. Steve King thinks he would look real snazzy in a Nazi uniform
    1. Republicans tell Steve King that he's being a little too obvious with the dog megaphone
    2. Steve King reminded on the House floor "They are our babies"
    3. Republican congressman and proud Twitter racist Steve King finally caves to all the pressure, gives interview detailing how he's been crushed by the weight of all of his GOP colleagues patting him on the back
    4. Apparently, there were people who thought Iowa was a vacation destination. Who knew?

Rep. Paul Ryan (R WI 4th)Edit

Speaker of the House

  1. "Meh, he's a crazy asshole. What did you expect? Don't look at us, you voted for the guy." - The GOP Leadership
  2. For some reason Paul Ryan is acting like your boring poli sci teacher explaining obamacare repeal
  3. Paul Ryan: The "fatal conceit" of Obamacare is that HEALTHY people with insurance subsidize SICK people's health costs
  4. Much like the average Farker trying to give up drinking, Republicans are finding it hard to give up obstructionism after their 8 year long addiction
  5. Oh, look, Steven Mnuchin just wrote the letter begging Congress to raise the debt ceiling so America doesn't default. Let's see if Republicans are still as opposed to it as they were when Obama was president
  6. Paul Ryan; "Trump will never win a beauty contest." Wait, what? Oh, Trumpcare will never win a beauty contest. Coulda went either way
  7. Paul Ryan defends the eight days Congress is scheduled to be in session in April. Or as Congress calls working eight days in one month, putting in a little OT
  8. Breitbart begins sharpening some very long knives
    1. Microwave catches Paul Ryan throwing Trump under the bus
    2. Breitbart loves trolling Paul Ryan. Well who wouldn't?
  9. Paul Ryan would like to remind all Americans that Trump had his tiny hands all over the crafting of the GOP's healthcare legislation
  10. With his so-called healthcare bill imploding, Paul Ryan does the only thing he can do - schedule a final vote on it for next week
  11. Ryan goes all in on Don'tCare
  12. Let's check in with some actual healthcare providers and see what they think about Paul Ryan's Trumpcare powerpoint.... oh. Oh my
  13. (3/25/2017) Paul Ryan: We've spent so much time being the party of "no" that we've forgotten how to govern 
    1. (3/26/2017) Earlier today, Trump went on Twitter to tell his cultish followers to tune in to Fox News and watch Judge Jeanine. Those who did saw her channel her inner Trump and demand Paul Ryan step down as Speaker of the House 
      1. (3/26/2017) Priebus: Trump had no idea whatsoever that Judge Pirro was going to say all of those nasty things about Paul Ryan when he urged everyone to watch her show on Saturday 
  14. (3/27/2017) "I would call it 'responsible nationalism,' " Ryan said, according to Bannon. Science calls it dividing by zero, warns DO NOT DO bull{{}}
  15. (3/27/2017) "He is fine taking eyeglasses from children so he can pass a bill," an angry Joy Reid says of Paul Ryan and his ironic Ayn Rand philosophy. When will Republicans learn Rand was a welfare queen with terrible ideologies that would destroy America? 
  16. (3/28/2017) Turns out Paul Ryan's reputation as a wonky genius was a bit oversold; Republicans are bedazzled when you bother to use numbers at all, but his tax plan is "a modest proposal"-level garbage 
  17. (3/30/2017) Paul Ryan: "I've seen the documents that Freaked Devin Nunes out. But I don't think he has" 
  18. (3/30/2017) Paul Ryan refuses to work with Democrats on health-care legislation, a fact that will not in any way prevent him from blaming them when it doesn't pass 
    1. (3/30/2017) Some Republicans upset that Ryan accidentally said in public that they shouldn't work with Democrats at all 
  19. (3/31/2017) Paul Ryan's tax plan could finally achieve equality in the US ... by shifting 99.6 percent of the tax relief to the wealthiest 1 percent of the country so that everybody else can be equally poor 

Senator Mitch McConnell (R KY)Edit

Senate Majority Leader

  1. "Meh, he's a crazy asshole. What did you expect? Don't look at us, you voted for the guy." - The GOP Leadership
  2. (3/29/2017) GOP: Either Gorsuch or Gohome 
  3. (3/30/2017) The task of salvaging the GOP's agenda falls on the shell of one man: Yertle 
  4. (3/30/2017) GOP calls potential Gorsuch filibuster by Democrats "unprecedented". Merrick Garland unavailable for comment 

Senator Chuck Grassley (R IA)Edit

  1. Leave it to curmudgeonly Iowa republican Chuck Grassley to oppose a special prosecutor over Russia

Senator Thom Tillis (R NC)Edit

  1. NC Senator Thom Tillis bravely scheduled a town hall meeting. That took place via telephone

Rep. Lamar Smith (R, TX 21st)Edit

Chairman of the House Science, Space and Technology Committee

  1. GOP lawmakers are about to pass two laws that would make it nearly impossible to sue corporations
  2. (3/30/2017) Republicans vote to disallow the EPA to rely on science 

Rep. Pete Sessions (R TX 32nd)Edit

House Rules Committee chair

  1. World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017. No, really, that`s what it's actually called
  2. Trumpy Spice: "Every member of the House and Senate will be able to have their opportunity to have amendments (on TrumpCare) offered through the committee process and on the floor," GOP Leadership: The Hell you say

Rep. Buddy Carter (R GA 1st)Edit

  1. "You can't wait one week to see what it would cost?" an exasperated Shepard Smith lambastes Republican Congressman Buddy Carter for trying to push through an ill-informed ACA repeal

Rep. Hal Rogers (R KY 5th)Edit

  1. GOP: Obama killed the coal miners' jobs. GOP Rep.: Here's $1B to put them back to work. GOP: Not interested

Sen. Jeff Flake (R AZ)Edit

  1. Privacy, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. GOP wants to do away with FCC's entire privacy rulemaking to allow ISPs to sell your entire browsing history to advertisers or other third parties without your consent
  2. GOP Senators ask Judge Gorsuch the probing questions: "What's the answer to life, the universe, and everything?" and "Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?" Hey, I thought there wasn't going to be a litmus test
  3. (3/23/2017) By 50-48 vote, the Senate passes Flake's bill to allow your ISP to sell your browsing history to anyone willing to pay for it. Evil corporations are getting tired of winning and having you for lunch 

Rep. Jason Smith (R MO 8th)Edit

  1. The bar has now been set for "stupidest thing said during the Obamacare repeal debate". " Rep Jason Smith (Slow-MO) decrying Obamacare's tax on tanning beds, If Democrats are concerned about dskin cancer "Why haven't they put a tax on the sun instead?"

Senator Lamar Alexander (R TN)Edit

Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) chairman

  1. Congress votes to repeal rules that would hold school systems accountable for student performance, because that would REALLY fark up Betsy Devos' plan to outsource the public school system to Bob's Bait Shop and Institute of Jesusological studies

Senator Orrin Hatch (R UT)Edit

  1. 174 year-old Senator Orrin Hatch (R-eally Old) announces he will run for another term of office so he can shout more crazy things at cameras

Rep. John Shimkus (R IL 15th)Edit

  1. Health care hearing turns to chaos as Republican complains men have to pay for prenatal care

Rep. Devin Nunes (R CA 22nd)Edit

chair, House Intelligence Committee

  1. The fact that the Top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee which has been charged with looking into Russia's interference in the election was also a member of Trump's transition team should in no way cast doubt on the panel's work
  2. Rep. Nunes claims that Trump people were picked up on FBI wiretaps of Russians, which means, technically, Obama wiretapped the Trump campaign, which is the best kind of wiretapping
    1. House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
    2. Rep. Nunes thought he was putting out the Trump Tweet Tapp fire. Only he reached for gasoline instead of water
    3. Trump feels "somewhat vindicated" about his "wire tapping" allegations. "Somewhat vindicated" is in quotes meaning not actually vindicated at all
    4. (3/23/2017) Devin Nunes may be trying to save his own ass 
    5. (3/23/2017) House intel committee head apologizes for his actions yesterday, saying, "Was that wrong? Should I have not done that?" 
    6. (3/23/2017) Rep. Quigley (D-Down Under) becomes second intel committee member to confirm more-than-circumstantial evidence of Trump-Russia collusion during the '16 campaign 
    7. (3/23/2017) McCain: Yeah, we don't know what Nunes thought he was doing either 
    8. (3/23/2017) Kayleigh McEnany tried to say her fellow CNN panelists didn't support the Fourth Amendment. She was quickly humiliated, as is tradition 
    9. (3/24/2017) Devin Nunes tries to justify his betrayal of principles and duty by stating he had an "obligation" to run and tell Trump he was f*cked 
    10. (3/24/2017) For no apparent reason, the Republican Intelligence Committee Chair decided to cancel the public hearing on the panels investigation of Trump and possible collusion with Russia 
  3. (3/23/2017) Nancy Pelosi calls House Intelligence Committee Chair Devin Nunes "a stooge" for the president, though, observing traditional rules of legislative decorum, she declined to say WHICH stooge, but it's pretty clear she means Shemp 
  4. (3/25/2017) The conspiracy thickens as it's revealed House Intelligence Chair Devin Nunes went on a dead of night excursion and vanished from view the night prior to revealing the full details of the Intel revelations on Trump 
  5. (3/26/2017) Suitcases full of unmarked bills are out. These days you just have dirty politicians invest in a bit of real property or a brand and then flip that brand for a thousand times its worth while forcing distribution through an oligarch-controlled market Nunes’ heavily invested in company with ties to Russia{{}}
    1. (3/27/2017) Apparently, Trey Gowdy missed the part where Devin Nunes admitted to running to Trump and giving him details on the Russia probe 
    2. (3/27/2017) Devin Nunes makes Bill Clinton's "I smoked but I did not inhale" line look positively forthright, saying he was ON the White House grounds before his big announcement, but wasn't meeting with anyone FROM the WH 
  6. (3/28/2017) Devin Nunes tells Bill O'Reilly that Democrats want him to quit the Russiagate investigation because "they know I am quite effective." You see, he has a certain set of skills; specifically, running to the source of the investigation to warn him 
  7. (3/28/2017) Spiceweasel: Look, if Nunes told someone, since he has clearance and is the head of the House Intelligence Committee, then he's probably authorized to share that info, even to someone without clearance 
  8. (3/28/2017) Nunes: How can a blind man be a lookout? Graham: How can an idiot be the House Intelligence Committee Chairman? Nunes: ___ 
  9. (3/28/2017) Rep. Eric Swalwall: This is what the cover-up to a crime looks like, especially when the perpetrators are named Moe, Larry, and Curly 
  10. (3/28/2017) The company that Nunes lists as his single largest personal investment has suddenly scrubbed all references to doing business in Russia, claiming it was a one-off deal in 2013. The Russian distributor says they still are doing business to this day Alpha Omega Winery
  11. (3/28/2017) Nunes: I have investigated myself and found no wrong-doing 
  12. (3/29/2017) You have to hand it to House Republicans, they are steadfastly refusing to throw Devin Nunes under the bus, instead they've decided they will ALL climb under the bus together and show those wheels who's boss 
  13. (3/29/2017) The evidence is now clear that the White House and Devin Nunes, the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, have worked together to halt the Russia Investigation 
  14. (3/29/2017) Devin Nunes explains that he wouldn't be totally cocking up this whole Russian investigation if the Democrats weren't forcing him to do a really bad job and also to betray his responsibility by being Trump's bootlicking toadie. See? The Dems did it 
  15. (3/30/2017) Paul Ryan: "I've seen the documents that Freaked Devin Nunes out. But I don't think he has" 
  16. (3/30/2017) Two aides have hit the Nunes Tower. Oh the hilarity 

Rep. Joe "The Oil Gargler" Barton (R TX 6th)Edit

  1. Texas congressman Joe "The Oil Gargler" Barton repeatedly insists that beating women is a state's rights issue, then yells at his constituents to shut up when they disagree with his rampant idiocy

Senator Mike Crapo (R ID)Edit

chair, Senate Banking Committee

  1. The "Hearing Protection Act" is a GOP-introduced bill to a) update laws for maximal headphone volume output, b) make measurement of sound levels at live concerts mandatory, c) reduce restrictions on gun silencers
  2. (3/29/2017) Republican senators decide to review the whole "too big to fail" process 

Rep. Jeff Duncan (R SC 3rd)Edit

  1. The "Hearing Protection Act" is a GOP-introduced bill to a) update laws for maximal headphone volume output, b) make measurement of sound levels at live concerts mandatory, c) reduce restrictions on gun silencers

Rep. Chris Collins (R NY 27th)Edit

  1. "He's doing everything that he promised he would do - working to secure our borders, took us out of TPP, has the best cabinet that has never been assembled in history," says GOP congressman who gave Trump an A for his performance. Hilarity ensued
  2. (3/24/2017) Old and busted: "We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it." New hotness: "Once we get it done, we can have the chance to really explain it" 

former Rep. Steve Stockman (R TX 9th, 36th)Edit

  1. Former Texas Representative Steve Stockman (R) accused of spending money meant for charity on himself. And, according to Stockman, he would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for the meddling deep state and its dog

Rep. Dave Brat (R VA 7th)Edit

  1. Dave Brat goes into a conspiracy theory meltdown live on the air after Katy Tur asks him a few simple questions

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R CA 50th)Edit

  1. (3/23/2017) Rep Duncan Hunter (R-abbit) attempts to address ethics violations by distracting everyone with a bunny. Admit it, you would fall for the bunny distraction 

Rep. Glenn Grothman (R WI 6th)Edit

  1. (3/23/2017) Is there a secret contest among GOP reps to see who can be the biggest asshole in public? WI Rep suggests abolishing Pell Grants because the kids just "waste" the money on computers and "goodies" and hey, they can just borrow the money anyway 

Senator Lindsey Graham (R SC)Edit

  1. (3/25/2017) Lindsey Graham holds a town hall in deep red South Carolina to say he supports Judge Gorsuch's nomination to the Supreme Court. Let's check in to see how it goes. Ohlawdy.jpg 

Rep. Mark Meadows (R NC 11th)Edit

  1. (3/27/2017) Now that they control government again, Republicans are back to saying that "deficits don't matter" 
  2. (3/27/2017) Freedom Caucus member hailed as hero for stopping leopards from eating his constituents' faces by trying to make leopards eat . . . jeez, even this stupid meme can't make sense of what's going on anymore 

Senator Richard Burr (R NC)Edit

  1. (3/27/2017) The Senate Intelligence Committee, the one NOT run by a Trump "stooge," has decided they would like "a word" with Trump son-in-law/beard Jared Kushner about the words he exchanged before the election with a Russian bank chief and the Ambassador 

Senator Tom Cotton (R AR)Edit

  1. (3/29/2017) Republican senators decide to review the whole "too big to fail" process 

Senator Dick Durbin (D IL)Edit

Minority Whip

  1. (3/30/2017) How many days does it take for Democratic Senator spines to crack and disintegrate into dust? Ah-one... ah-ha two.... ahhhh three. Three 

Senator Chuck Schumer (D NY)Edit

Minority Leader

  1. (3/30/2017) How many days does it take for Democratic Senator spines to crack and disintegrate into dust? Ah-one... ah-ha two.... ahhhh three. Three 

Senator Jon Tester (D MT)Edit

  1. (3/30/2017) How many days does it take for Democratic Senator spines to crack and disintegrate into dust? Ah-one... ah-ha two.... ahhhh three. Three 

Senator Claire McCaskill (D-MO)Edit

  1. (3/30/2017) Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) can't decide if she'd rather lose her seat in a general election, or a primary 

Senator Rob Portman (R OH)Edit

  1. (3/30/2017) GOP calls potential Gorsuch filibuster by Democrats "unprecedented". Merrick Garland unavailable for comment 

Senator David Perdue (R GA)Edit

  1. (3/30/2017) GOP calls potential Gorsuch filibuster by Democrats "unprecedented". Merrick Garland unavailable for comment 

Senator John Cornyn (R TX)Edit

Majority Whip

  1. (3/30/2017) GOP calls potential Gorsuch filibuster by Democrats "unprecedented". Merrick Garland unavailable for comment 

Senator Heidi Heitkamp (D ND)Edit

  1. (3/30/2017) First two Democratic Senators choose to be primaried next year, drag the Overton Window further rightward 

Senator Joe Manchin (D WV)Edit

  1. (3/30/2017) First two Democratic Senators choose to be primaried next year, drag the Overton Window further rightward 

Rep. Jodey Arrington (R TX 19th)Edit

  1. (3/31/2017) GOP lawmaker: the Bible says the unemployed shall not eat 

JV TeamEdit

All these threads were moved to the ALECworks page

WTF?Edit

WTF!?

Senator Claire McCaskill (D MO)Edit

  1. Claire McCaskill: Jeff Sessions should resign because as a senator he once talked to the Russian Ambassador...you know just like me and every one of my hypocrite DNC colleagues on the Senate Armed Services Committee

Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D FL 23rd)Edit

  1. In a great confluence of political cross currents of nothingberger, the story that DWS failed to recognize SEAL's widow turns out to be fake, or was it?

Senator Chris Coons (D DE)Edit

  1. After railing against Republicans for throwing a government shutdown tantrum, Democrats plan to throw a government shutdown tantrum

Senator Lindsay Graham (R, SC)Edit

  1. Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
  2. (3/30/2017) Mike Huckabee caught on tape making assumptions on Lindsey Graham's sexuality 

Senator Ted Cruz (R TX)Edit

  1. Ted and Heidi Cruz to dine with Trump tonight, and Ted's moonlighting as the Zodiac Killer won't even crack the top ten most awkward factors
    1. Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
    2. Grandpa Munster says the Trumps were "gracious and warm" during dinner at the White House and everything was fine, just fine, and there is no reason to suspect otherwise

Senator Marco Rubio (R FL)Edit

  1. Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
  2. (3/31/2017) "Part of the reason active measures have worked in this U.S. election is because the commander in chief has used Russian active measures, at times, against his opponents" 

Senator Al Franken (D MN)Edit

  1. With their newfound irrelevance since Nov. 8th, Democrats are using their down time to explore new hobbies. For example, Sen. Al Franken is hosting a casserole competition

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R TX 1st)Edit

  1. House judiciary Republicans ask for FBI briefing on Trump's wiretapping claims, moon landing from 1969, and whereabouts of the Tooth Fairy

Senator Mitch McConnell (R KY)Edit

Senate Majority Leader

  1. Senate Stenographer participates in Nap Day in the middle of Mitch McConnell speech

Senator Bernie Sanders (I VT)Edit

  1. You've never really libbed until you're so lib that Bernie Sanders isn't liberal enough for you

Senator John McCain (R AZ)Edit

  1. News: Sen. McCain directly accuses politician of working directly for the Russians and Vladimir Putin, on the senate floor. Fark: Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky for not supporting bill to advance Montenegro's bid to join NATO
    1. After John McCain called Rand Paul a Russian collaborator, Rand Paul went on TV and said that John McCain was the best argument for term limits, as he has become unhinged in his old age. Oh Snap
  2. (3/29/2017) North Korea threatens war with the United States over Senator John McCain's amateur outreach (Not safe for work content in sidebar/below article) 

Senator RANDPAUL (R KY)Edit

  1. News: Sen. McCain directly accuses politician of working directly for the Russians and Vladimir Putin, on the senate floor. Fark: Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky for not supporting bill to advance Montenegro's bid to join NATO
    1. After John McCain called Rand Paul a Russian collaborator, Rand Paul went on TV and said that John McCain was the best argument for term limits, as he has become unhinged in his old age. Oh Snap
  2. Rand Paul predicts that Trumpcare will pass, fail completely, and only then after the complete collapse of the healthcare system will any real negotiations towards healthcare reform begin

Rep. Alan Lowenthal (D CA 47th)Edit

  1. Guy who doesn't like gay people stomps all over their flag. This is not a metaphor

Rep. Paul Ryan (R WI 1st)Edit

Speaker of the House

  1. (3/24/2017) Will he announce his resignation on the heels of a crushing defeat? Will he blame the Democrats? Will he blame Trump and Pence? THIS is your Paul Ryan "seppuku" press conference (4pm start) Live thread
  2. (3/24/2017) Sometimes you drain the swamp, sometimes the swamp drains you 

Senator Joni Earnst (R IA)Edit

  1. Slavishly devoted Trump supporter and Iowa senator Joni Ernst is holding a town hall in Cedar Rapids today. No word if she'll show up wearing bread bags on her feet

Rep. Peter King (R NY 2nd)Edit

  1. What's it like to have Trump grab you by the pussy?

Rep. Maxine Waters (D CA 43rd)Edit

  1. (3/23/2017) Please note: when preparing a legal attack, please make sure the target of your lawsuit actually exists tweet from Transportation Secretary's account encourages sitting member of U.S. Congress to sue POTUS' "soul"

Senator Elizabeth Warren (D MA)Edit

  1. (3/27/2017) Sure the Democrats want to elevate Elizabeth Warren within the party ...but so do the Republicans. They seem to think she'll make a good boogeyman in the 2018 elections 

Rep. Ted Poe (R TX 2nd)Edit

  1. (3/27/2017) Rep Ted Poe (R-TX) resigns from the Freedom Caucus saying "some of its members would vote against the Ten Commandments if it came up for a vote". Hard to tell if he was being serious or just trolling 

JV TeamEdit

These links were moved to the ALECworks page

Wait-and-SeeEdit

these Congresscritters aren't sure yet how their decisions will play politically, so they're not committing to anything publicly

Rep. Charlie Dent (R PA 15th)Edit

  1. Meet the Republicans who could stop Trumpscare

Rep. Barbara Comstock (R VA 10th)Edit

  1. Meet the Republicans who could stop Trumpscare

Rep. John Faso (R NY 19th)Edit

  1. Meet the Republicans who could stop Trumpscare

Rep. Dan Donovan (R NY 11th)Edit

  1. Meet the Republicans who could stop Trumpscare

Senator Tom Cotton (R AR)Edit

    1. "Tehran Tom" Cotton wants a do-over on Trumpcare

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D CA 12th)Edit

House Minority Leader

  1. Dems to Sessions: GTFO
  2. (3/29/2017) Will it ever be okay for Democrats to work with Trump? Template:Comp

Senator Chuck Schumer (D NY)Edit

Senate minority leader

  1. (3/29/2017) Will it ever be okay for Democrats to work with Trump? Template:Comp


Everyone ElseEdit

Rep. Keith Ellison (D MN 5th)Edit

  1. It's almost as if two adults, who agree on most things, can sit together and work after they compete

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D CA 12th)Edit

House Minority Leader

  1. Dems to Sessions: GTFO
  2. (3/23/2017) Nancy Pelosi calls House Intelligence Committee Chair Devin Nunes "a stooge" for the president, though, observing traditional rules of legislative decorum, she declined to say WHICH stooge, but it's pretty clear she means Shemp 
  3. (3/28/2017) Nunes: I have investigated myself and found no wrong-doing 

Rep. Adam Schiff (D CA 28th)Edit

ranking member, House Intelligence Committee

  1. Democrats are finally realizing that Comey knows quite a bit more about Russia and Trump than he's letting on
  2. Adam Schiff says that Session' explanations for his meetings with the Russian ambassador "make no sense"; tells Jack McCoy to have detectives Briscoe and Green bring him in and go over his statements again
  3. House Intelligence Committee requests that Trump FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: over his evidence of wiretapping by Monday
    1. House Intelligence Committee set today as the deadline for Trump to provide evidence he was the victim of an Obama "wiretapp." Will Trump follow through? What will happen if he fails to provide the evidence? Either way, things will get crazy today
  4. Trump defenders are starting to sound like English Lit professors at a Joyce seminar: "So now you have to decide, are you going to take the tweets literally? And if you are then clearly the president was wrong. But if you're not"
  5. Trump leaked classified CIA intel to Tucker Carlson on live TV: ranking House intel member
  6. "Circumstantial evidence" regarding collusion between Russia and Trump campaign. The seven or so Trump surrogates who had many meetings with Russians not withstanding
  7. Intel offers no evidence of Trump Tower spying. To be honest, I always suspected AMD
  8. House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
  9. (3/24/2017) Former Trump campaign hanger-on Paul Manafort offers to perjure himself in front of the House Intelligence Committee 

Senator Lindsay Graham (R, SC)Edit

  1. Dems to Sessions: GTFO
  2. Lindsey Graham vows to "find out all things Russian" and has put Trump right in his crosshairs
  3. Lindsey Graham threatens to impeach Trump if he starts waterboarding. I hope surfboarding is still okay, since we know Trump loves his water sports
  4. (3/28/2017) Nunes: I have investigated myself and found no wrong-doing 

Senator Al Franken (D MN)Edit

  1. Sorry Dems, the whole Jeff Sessions gig you've got going is nothing but fake news
  2. Sen. Franken: Lies, and the perjured Jeff Sessions who tells them

Senator Chuck Schumer (D NY)Edit

Senate minority leader

  1. Chuck Schumer to Trump: I'll talk about my Putin meeting under oath. Will you?

Rep. Ted Lieu (D CA 33rd)Edit

  1. Congressman points out to Trump that if his TT phones were tapped, then he's in deeper poop than he imagined because the tap would have required a warrant , which in turn would have required Probable Cause in front of a FISA judge
  2. (3/24/2017) Congressman: You know, it might be a good idea to pause the President's legislative agenda until the investigation into his possible collusion with the Russian government is complete 

Senator Tom Cotton (R AR)Edit

  1. Even Sen. "Tehran Tom" Cotton isn't willing to hop aboard Trump's latest crazy Train

Senator Ben Sasse (R NE)Edit

  1. "Meh, he's a crazy asshole. What did you expect? Don't look at us, you voted for the guy." - The GOP Leadership

Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D RI)Edit

  1. Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws
  2. (3/24/2017) Democratic Congressman: Since the President claims he works while golfing at Mar-a-lago, shouldn't he be publishing the visitor's log so that we know who is influencing him? Oh yeah, while we're at it, let's demand the White House log as well 
    1. (3/28/2017) Good thing people like Russian oligarchs don't visit Trump and associates at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, imagine if there were visitor logs and records of those visits? Boy, would it look bad if they were on there, ya know? 
    2. (3/29/2017) Government Accountability Office decides that maybe it should look into this whole "Mar A Lago" thing. At least until Trump declares them enemy combatants 

Senator Tom Udall (D NM)Edit

  1. Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws
  2. (3/24/2017) Democratic Congressman: Since the President claims he works while golfing at Mar-a-lago, shouldn't he be publishing the visitor's log so that we know who is influencing him? Oh yeah, while we're at it, let's demand the White House log as well 
    1. (3/28/2017) Good thing people like Russian oligarchs don't visit Trump and associates at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, imagine if there were visitor logs and records of those visits? Boy, would it look bad if they were on there, ya know? 
    2. (3/29/2017) Government Accountability Office decides that maybe it should look into this whole "Mar A Lago" thing. At least until Trump declares them enemy combatants 

Senator Ron Wyden (D OR)Edit

  1. Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Senator Jack Reed (D RI)Edit

  1. Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws
  2. (3/24/2017) Democratic Congressman: Since the President claims he works while golfing at Mar-a-lago, shouldn't he be publishing the visitor's log so that we know who is influencing him? Oh yeah, while we're at it, let's demand the White House log as well 
    1. (3/28/2017) Good thing people like Russian oligarchs don't visit Trump and associates at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, imagine if there were visitor logs and records of those visits? Boy, would it look bad if they were on there, ya know? 
    2. (3/29/2017) Government Accountability Office decides that maybe it should look into this whole "Mar A Lago" thing. At least until Trump declares them enemy combatants 
  3. (3/30/2017) Trump's AF Sec. Nom kept dodging Senator questions about consulting work she did for Sandia National labs which they're curious about since the company refunded $443K of the $464K they were paid after the GAO couldn't find any work they'd done 

Senator Tom Carper (D DE)Edit

  1. Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws
  2. (3/24/2017) Democratic Congressman: Since the President claims he works while golfing at Mar-a-lago, shouldn't he be publishing the visitor's log so that we know who is influencing him? Oh yeah, while we're at it, let's demand the White House log as well 
    1. (3/28/2017) Good thing people like Russian oligarchs don't visit Trump and associates at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, imagine if there were visitor logs and records of those visits? Boy, would it look bad if they were on there, ya know? 
    2. (3/29/2017) Government Accountability Office decides that maybe it should look into this whole "Mar A Lago" thing. At least until Trump declares them enemy combatants 

Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D NY)Edit

  1. Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Senator Richard Blumenthal (D CT)Edit

  1. Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws
  2. (3/31/2017) Senator Richard Blumenthal will cast a no vote in confirming Gorsuch 

Senator Chris Van Hollen (D MD)Edit

  1. Senators push to force Southern White House to obey regular White House open records laws

Rep. Elijah Cummings (D MD 7th)Edit

  1. Mike Pence: "I had no knowledge that Michael Flynn was working as a paid lobbyist during the campaign" Elijah Cummings: " Here's the letter I sent you on Nov. 18 warning that Flynn was a paid lobbyist" Pence: "Can I get a smoke bomb over here?"
  2. Elijah Cummings says there might be a connection between Bharara's firing and the ongoing Trump investigation. Time to bust out the "well duh" images
  3. (3/24/2017) Cummings and Chaffetz request Michael Flynn documents from White Hous-Oh shucks, seems they all fell into one of the several fireplaces in the White House. Wet floors will do that, ya know 

Senator Chris Murphy (D CT)Edit

  1. Sen. Murphy says what many of us are thinking, Wikileaks timing for releasing this info on the CIA is suspiciously timed, almost as if they were trying to deflect attention from something else, but what could that be?

Rep. Maxine Waters (D CA 43rd)Edit

  1. Rep. Maxine Waters: "We know" Trump sex blackmail is "absolutely true." Which is such a coincidence because Max Waters was the name of one of his Russian prostitutes
    1. Claims to existence of Trump's sex tapes are being watered down

Rep. Tom Graves (R GA 14th)Edit

  1. New bill: Hacking victims have right to self-defense, can hack back

Rep. Mike Doyle (D PA 14th)Edit

  1. Health care hearing turns to chaos as Republican complains men have to pay for prenatal care

Rep. Tom O’Halleran (D AZ 1st)Edit

  1. Democrats are suddenly concerned about the price of Presidential trips

Rep. Michael Burgess (R TX 26th)Edit

  1. Congressman Burgess (ĐŻ-TX) is willing to lose job by causing Americans to lose health insurance

Rep. Devin Nunes (R CA 22nd)Edit

chair, House Intelligence Committee

  1. House Intelligence Committee requests that Trump FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: over his evidence of wiretapping by Monday
    1. House Intelligence Committee set today as the deadline for Trump to provide evidence he was the victim of an Obama "wiretapp." Will Trump follow through? What will happen if he fails to provide the evidence? Either way, things will get crazy today
  2. Trump defenders are starting to sound like English Lit professors at a Joyce seminar: "So now you have to decide, are you going to take the tweets literally? And if you are then clearly the president was wrong. But if you're not"
  3. Intel offers no evidence of Trump Tower spying. To be honest, I always suspected AMD
  4. Get to know Intelligence Committee Chair Devin Nunes, a former dairy farmer in charge of US spies and intel

Senator John McCain (R AZ)Edit

  1. John McCain predicts there are "more shoes to drop" over Russiaghazi
  2. (3/23/2017) McCain: Guys who exonerated me on that Keating Five thing clearly can't be trusted to investigate Trump 
  3. (3/23/2017) McCain: Yeah, we don't know what Nunes thought he was doing either 

Rep. Eric Swalwell (D CA 15th)Edit

  1. Steve King reminded on the House floor "They are our babies"
  2. (3/28/2017) Rep. Eric Swalwall: This is what the cover-up to a crime looks like, especially when the perpetrators are named Moe, Larry, and Curly 

Senator RANDPAUL (R KY)Edit

  1. (3/28/2017) An angry Rand Paul hits out against his fellow senators who want to "send your kids to war with no debate." Because before we send them to die, it must go to committee; heaven forbid we discuss how to end war 

Group of GOP SenatorsEdit

who requested anonymity

  1. A bunch of GOP senators are rooting for Republican healthcare efforts to fail because they don't want to get blamed for killing millions of people

Rep. Paul Ryan (R WI 1st)Edit

  1. It's official: Obama did not tap that Ass

Rep. Beto O'Rourke (D TX 16th)Edit

  1. What does it take to get a Democrat and Republican to work together? ROAD TRIP

Rep. Will Hurd (R TX 23rd)Edit

  1. What does it take to get a Democrat and Republican to work together? ROAD TRIP

Senator Russ Feingold (D WI)Edit

  1. If Neil Gorsuch isn't a legitimate SCOTUS judge, then I understand the Senate has ways of shutting that down

former Rep. David Jolly (R FL 13th)Edit

  1. So we've ALL been thinking it, but credit goes to former Rep. David Jolly (R-FL) for being the first to come out and say it publicly: President Donald Trump isn't "intellectually qualified" to be president

Senator Mike Lee (R UT)Edit

  1. Republican Senator thinks that maybe, possibly, Republican voters might get mad at them for passing a bill that doesn't do anything remotely close to what they've been promising for 7 years

Rep. Mike Quigley (D IL 5th)Edit

  1. (3/23/2017) Rep. Quigley (D-Down Under) becomes second intel committee member to confirm more-than-circumstantial evidence of Trump-Russia collusion during the '16 campaign 
  2. (3/24/2017) Democratic Congressman: Since the President claims he works while golfing at Mar-a-lago, shouldn't he be publishing the visitor's log so that we know who is influencing him? Oh yeah, while we're at it, let's demand the White House log as well 
    1. (3/28/2017) Good thing people like Russian oligarchs don't visit Trump and associates at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, imagine if there were visitor logs and records of those visits? Boy, would it look bad if they were on there, ya know? 
    2. (3/29/2017) Government Accountability Office decides that maybe it should look into this whole "Mar A Lago" thing. At least until Trump declares them enemy combatants 

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R UT 3rd)Edit

chairman, House Oversight Committee

  1. (3/24/2017) Cummings and Chaffetz request Michael Flynn documents from White Hous-Oh shucks, seems they all fell into one of the several fireplaces in the White House. Wet floors will do that, ya know 
  2. (3/31/2017) Jayson Chaffetz has rare moment of clarity, points out that Donnie needs to STFU about Flynn's request for immunity. Things to return to normal in Jason's head in 3, 2, 1 

Senator Mark Warner (D VA)Edit

  1. (3/30/2017) Russia hired 1000 people to create anti-Clinton fake news during the election. Fake. News 

JV SquadEdit

These links were moved to the ALECworks page

See AlsoEdit




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