ALECworks/Archive/2017/March 2017

General ALECrap

1. Want to know a potential reason why your state reps are susceptible to lobbying? It could be that some are making less than 30K a year

Possible ALECrap by state

Alabama

Alabama Department of Corrections

1. In Alabama the state prison system is at approximately 180 percent of capacity, the number of correctional officers required is dangerously low, and the fire alarms don't properly work

state Senator Gerald Allen (R, AL, 21st)

1. ^(3/28/2017) Pistol permitting isn't about safety, it's about cash 

Governor Robert Bentley (R AL)

1. ^(3/31/2017) Alabama's Governor is facing impeachment over using state funds to pay for his extramarital affair. His lawyer says that's outrageous because this was a mere ethics violation and you don't impeach people for that Template:Misu👙

Alabama state Legislature

1. Let this sink in for a second: ALABAMA lawmakers may be showing more of a commitment to ethics and good government than the United States Congress right now, as the GOP-dominated legislature meets to discuss impeaching their Republican governor

Arizona

Arizona state Legislature

1. They'd have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling kids and their dumb watchdog. SCOOBY DOOBY DOO

Joe Arpaio

former Maricopa County Sheriff

1. Congratulations, Arizona citizens: you voted out Sheriff Joe last November, but you will be paying approximately $108 MEEEELLIONNNNN dollars this year to pay for his legal fees / lawsuit settlements

Arkansas

=Arkansas state House

1. Bill just filed in the Arkansas State House, would "allow public school teachers to teach creationism and intelligent design as theories" alongside actual science. Surely, no one will notice this time

Arkansas state Senate

1. ^(3/25/2017) Arkansas reconsiders giving drunken sports fans guns, or as Andy Griffin would say, "Sometimes even a blind squirrel can catch a peacock" 

Governor Asa Hutchinson (R AR)

1. Arkansas Governor signed a bill allowing people with CCW licenses to carry guns "at state colleges, some bars, government buildings and even the state Capitol." Said Governor Hutchinson at the signing: Yeee-HAW *blam* *blam*

California

Mayor Gary Soiseth (?, Turlock, CA)

party affiliation unknown

1. ^(3/28/2017) Mayor urges town residents, businesses to raise 1000 American flags to honor veterans, instead of doing something hard like volunteer at VA hospitals, contribute to vets' charities, pay taxes without whining Template:Taf

Colorado

Steve Curtix

former chair, Colorado Republican Party

1. Trump was right, there was fraud during the election as chairman of major party in Colorado is charged with voter fraud and forgery during the 2016 election. Oh wait, he was the GOP chairman? Never mind then

state Senator Tim Neville (R, CO, 16th)

1. ^(3/26/2017) Colorado wants to reclassify the narcotic THC in hopes they can somehow evade the inevitable federal crackdown 

Florida

Florida state legislature

1. Want to kill someone? Do it in Florida, where it's basically legal now
2. Florida GOP finds novel way to solve invasive python problem: cut food stamps to 200,000 people and they'll be desperate enough to eat the snakes
3. One state prepares to make Stand Your Ground laws even worse for anyone who isn't an NRA member

Governor Rick Scott (R FL)

1. Rick Scott fires prosecutor for getting uppity

Aramis D. Ayala

Florida state attorney

1. Rick Scott fires prosecutor for getting uppity

Georgia

Corry Bliss

executive director, Georgia Republican Congressional Leadership Fund

1. New Rpublican ad attacks Democratic congressional candidate for... dressing up as Han Solo in college?

Hawaii

Rep. Beth Fukumoto (I, HI, 36th)

Hawaii state House minority leader

1. 1. ^(3/23/2017) Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the find of the century: the amazing, unbelievable, Republican with a conscience. Well, soon to be former Republican, that is 

Illinois

Mayor Roger Claar (R, Bolingbrook, IL)

1. ^(3/31/2017) Illinois mayor is discovering the hazards of backing a lunatic. C'mon, Bolingbrook's done well under this guy. They even have their own Ikea 

Indiana

Indiana state Legislature

1. Indiana doesn't care what medical science says, the LAW says you can reverse an abortion. Now put it back in

Iowa

state Rep. Shannon Lundgren (R, IA, 57th)

1. 1. ^(3/29/2017) Iowa bill would allow a woman's parents to seek injunctive relief to bar her from having an abortion if she is "under the age of 18 OR unmarried at the time the abortion was attempted" This viral marketing for "Handmaid's Tale" is getting out of hand 

state Senator Mark Chelgren (R, IA, 41st)

1. Republican Sen. from Iowa claims a business degree from Forbco Mgt. School. WTF is Forbco U. you might ask? Spokesman for the State Republican party says it's the Sizzler steakhouse version of a certificate from Hamburger U. at McDonalds
   1. Iowa politician with degree from Sizzler University denies he "mischaracterized" his background as he continues efforts to undermine state universities

Kansas

Governor Sam Brownback (R KS)

1. Brownback catches last chopper outta Saigon...er....Kansas
2. ^(3/30/2017) Kansas voters: We want Medicaid expansion. Kansas Legislature: Okay, you can have it. Gov. Brownback: No you can't, and it's all Planned Parenthood's fault 🔥

state Senator Steve Fitzgerald (R, KS, 5th)

1. Stupid: Man compares Planned Parenthood to Nazi concentration camp after someone makes a donation in his name. FARK: Kansas State Senator Steve Fitzgerald (R)

Kansas state legislature

1. 1. ^(3/29/2017) Kansas GOP: Let's just disallow Democrats from even presenting bills in the legislature. That's cool, right? 
2. The Great Pumpkin is already on the cusp of defeating his first theocratic dictatorship, currently in negotiations to remove head of state of Brownbackistan
3. ^(3/28/2017) Kansas lawmakers vote to expand medicaid provisions under Obamacare since I guess we're just living in a socialist hell-scape now, Thanks Trump 

the state of Kansas

1. ^(3/31/2017) Kentucky orders the only abortion clinic in the state to close because fark you, that's why 🔥

=Kansas state Supreme Court

1. Supreme Court of Kansas orders school funding hike, as voters wonder if there is something... anything at all, that lies within their power to bring about some kind of change to the government which so consistently fails to represent them

Kentucky

former governor Steve Beshear (R KY)

1. Apparently not having learned their lesson from the past election, Democrats pick the most underwhelming candidate they could find to deliver the Democratic response to Trump. How underwhelming? Even Rachel Maddow panned him as small and stunty

Maine

Rep. Larry Lockman (R, ME 137th)

1. Maybe legislator introduces bill that would make it illegal to point out how stupid climate change deniers are

Maryland

Mayor Catherine Pugh (D, Baltimore)

1. 1. ^(3/29/2017) The Democratic mayor of Baltimore vetoes a Democrat-passed bill advancing a plank of the DNC platform. That was also her biggest campaign promise last year 🍟

Massachusetts

Governor Charlie Baker (R MA)

1. Governor sees Trump's attempt to f*ck over Planned Parenthood and promises to keep funding them even if the Feds pull out, no strings attached. Oh, and the governor is a Republican

Michigan

state water officials for Michigan

1. Flint residents must start paying for water they still can't drink without a filter, because fark you, that's why

Missouri

Governor Eric Greitens (R MO)

1. MO Gov. Eric Greitens is so committed to ethics reform, he personally setup a "non-profit" group to push agendas that he sets, and funded by dark money that only he knows about

Montana

state Rep. Randy Brodehl (R, MT, 9th)

1. Republicans in the Montana legislature introduce a revenge bill to completely defund county attorneys. Can we have a "WTF" tag now?

Nevada

Sharron Angle

TeaParty trainwreck

1. All aboard...... Hahaha...... [Instrumental...] I, I, I, I... [fade] [Instrumental]

New Jersey

Governor Chris Christie (R NJ)

1. Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
2. Gov. Chris Christie victim blames all the recently fired U.S. attorneys. "They received notice that they were leaving office. That notice was given to them by the people of the country on November 8, when they elected a Republican president"
3. ^(3/29/2017) Governor Christie has a personal connection to the battle against opiate abuse. No word on his connection to the battle against large pizzas, chicken parm subs, Portuguese bbq, Taylor Hams, or bagel breakfast sammichs with egg, sausage, and cheese 

Bridget Kelly

former deputy chief of staff for NJ Governor Chris Christie

1. ^(3/28/2017) The two aides to Gov. Christie convicted in the Bridgegatescandal (remember when something like abusing power was a scandal?) are asking the court for probation, but the prosecutor's thinking more like 4 years ya know, 'cause of the PERJURY, and all 

Bill Baroni

former Christie appointee to The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey

1. ^(3/28/2017) The two aides to Gov. Christie convicted in the Bridgegatescandal (remember when something like abusing power was a scandal?) are asking the court for probation, but the prosecutor's thinking more like 4 years ya know, 'cause of the PERJURY, and all 

New York

Ann Pfoser Darby

Queens' Community Board 4's transportation committee member

1. Community Board member promises that NYC won't need bike lanes once all the immigrants are deported

Governor Andrew Cuomo (D NY)

1. New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has hired two Florida fundraisers. Nudge nudge, wink wink
2. ^(3/29/2017) It seems New York Governor Cuomo is practicing to be a good Republican, the billions in subsidies he's poured into corporations upstate have produced precious few jobs Template:Subz

Mayor Bill de Blasio (D, New York City)

1. Preet-less prosecutors decline to charge DeBlasio with campaign-finance corruption. Thanks, Trump

North Carolina

state Senator Phil Berger (R, NC, 26th)

1. The manager of NC State Senator Phil Berger's Facebook page used 1 weird trick to spoof news articles written about NC governor Roy Cooper, violating Facebook policy. Berger's spokesperson immediately claims Facebook is wrong

North Carolina state House

1. NC GOP House: You know, not a single NCAA tournament game will be played in our beautiful state this year. That's why we are repealing the latest HB2 repeal effort

North Carolina legislature

1. NC Supreme Court to Republicans: Yeah, I don't think that power grab you tried after McCrory lost is going to work for us

North Carolina

the state or just the bathrooms? Yes.

1. South Carolina profits off of North Carolina's bathroom bill

the state of North Carolina

1. ^(3/27/2017) So how much does it cost to keep our bathrooms safe from something that never happens? For North Carolina, it comes to $3.76 Billion Template:Est

North Carolina state Supreme Court

1. NC Supreme Court to Republicans: Yeah, I don't think that power grab you tried after McCrory lost is going to work for us

Ohio

state Rep. Wes Retherford (R, OH, 51st)

1. That Ohio state rep with the DUI arrest? Yeah, he was ordered by the speaker to remove a liquor cabinet from his office back in 2015

Governor John Kasich (R OH)

1. Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
2. ^(3/27/2017) John Kasich's future Presidential bids derailed by vision problems, in that he just can't see himself going through that hot mess again 👟

the state of Ohio

is for animal lovers

1. Change your travel plans: sex with animals illegal in Ohio starting today

Oklahoma

state Rep. John Bennett (R, OK, 1st)

1. If you are a Muslim teen in Oklahoma you must answer a survey before meeting this representative

state Senator Ralph Shortey (R, OK, 44th)

1. Oklahoman state senator has apparently chosen "live boy" off the scandal menu
   1. The Oklahoma state senator who was caught in a motel room with an underage boy was also a Trump campaign chair
   2. Actual headline: Oklahoma law allows Sen. Ralph Shortey to keep his state retirement even if convicted of prostitution with a minor

certain Oklahoma state legislators

1. They say a lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math, and that includes state legislators who screw up their budget and misuse funding, right Oklahoma?

state Rep. George Faught (R, OK, 14th)

1. ^(3/23/2017) Oklahoma state representative calls rape and incest "the will of God." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Pennsylvania

state Rep. Rick Saccone (R, PA, 39th)

1. Why does 'god' need a starship? er...senate seat?

state Senator Scott Wagner (R, PA, 28th)

1. 1. ^(3/30/2017) A Republican just admitted climate change is real, but it is due not to human action it is caused by the Earth moving closer to the Sun 

state Rep. Gene DiGirolamo (R, PA, 14th)

1. ^(3/23/2017) In Pennsylvania, if this bill passes they will screen you every time you want a prescription because of reasons 

Rhode Island

Rhode Island state House

1. Lawmaker complains of 'file cabinets full of booze' at the Rhode Island State House. In other news, we've discovered where Fark's backup servers are located

South Carolina

South Carolina

the state or just the bathrooms? Yes.

1. South Carolina profits off of North Carolina's bathroom bill

state Rep. Eric Bedingfield (R, SC, 28th)

1. 1. ^(3/27/2017) The time-honored and genteel tradition of a conservative's changing social views when it happens to someone in their family, South Carolina marijuana edition 

South Dakota

Governor Dennis Daugaard (R SD)

1. 1. SD governor signs bill forbidding LGBT couples from adopting if the adoption agency's religious beliefs go against having gay couples as parents. In other news, more SD children to be sent to orphanages, which would obviously be better for them

Tennessee

state Senator Joey Hensley (R, TN, 28th)

1. Uber-Christian TN lawmaker who sponsored "Don't Say Gay" bill, has been doing the satanic shuffle with a married woman, who just so happens to also be his cousin

state Rep. Andy Holt (R, TN, 76th)

1. ^(3/24/2017) Tennessee lawmaker takes heat for sponsoring a bill that would hide his unpaid speeding tickets from the public 

Tennessee state legislature

1. 1. ^(3/30/2017) Apparently putting 'In God we Trust' on state-issued license plates could be considered unconstitutional, who knew? Obviously not the Tennessee State Legislature Template:UnconTemplate:1st

Texas

Texas GOP

1. Texas GOP message of the day: gay people only have rights when Democrats are in charge

the state of Texas

1. As their Obamacare replacement cuts off funds for Planned Parenthood, Republicans want to reassure women that other clinics will step up to provide their low-cost breast exams, contraception and cancer screenings. Let's see how that worked in TX

Texas state Senate=

1. Texas passes bill allows doctors to withhold information from pregnant women about detected birth defects like Down's Syndrome, Republicanism, Cowboys fandom

state Rep. Joe Straus (R, TX 121st)

Texas House Speaker

1. 1. ^(3/27/2017) Texas House Speaker Joe Strauss calls the bathroom bill championed by the state's idiot Lt. Governor "manufactured and unnecessary" Template:14epc

Utah

Governor Gary Herbert (R UT)

1. 1. ^(3/26/2017) Utah governor signs abortion abortion bill 

Mitt Romney

Once and Future Governor

1. 1. ^(3/28/2017) Romney 3.0 may run for governor of Utah once beta testing is done 👟

Virginia

Nathan Daniel Larson

ex-felon, independent candidate Virginia House of Delegates

1. 1. Virginia man who spent sixteen months in jail for threatening to kill President Obama and who believes women should be denied the right to vote decides to run for political office

Washington

Bob Ferguson

attorney general, Washington state

1. Ferguson vs Trump. Round 2, FIGHT

West Virginia

West Virginia state Senate

1. 1. To prepare for the resurgence in coal jobs that Trump has promised, West Virginia Senate proposes eliminating nearly all mine safety regulations

Wisconsin

Wisconsin election officials

1. News: Wisconsin election officials announce that they found evidence of election fraud. Fark: During Democratic Primary. Ultra fark: Blame Bernie Sanders for tweeting that 17 yr olds could vote, and these managed to do so despite law. Bernie won

Governor Scott Walker (R WI)

1. Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm