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This is an archive of Drumpfster Fire Fark threads for the month of March, 2017
Click this link for the current month, or here for the rest of the archive.

Head ToupeeEdit

NicknamesEdit

This section will provide the many nicknames this asshole has earned for the month of March, 2017 with credit when known. They are in approximate order of appearance on the internet.

For the full, categorized list, please visit this page

  1. Orange Death
  2. Tangerine Twitterer
  3. kommander combover
  4. President Abusive Dad 
  5. Surrogate President Trump
  6. Adolf Twitler
  7. Drumpfrey Blowhard
  8. President Trainwreck
  9. Trumperdorf
  10. President Jellyman
  11. douchebag Donnie
  12. High Lord Douchebag
  13. Tweaker Tweeter
  14. Thalidomide Thumbs
  15. The Commander in Cheet
  16. Daffy Drumpf
  17. L. Don Blubbard
  18. His Orangeness
  19. WTF in Chief[1]
  20. Herr Twitler
  21. Daft Trump[2]
  22. Orange-Crested Shiatgibbon[3]
  23. Hairmonger Cheeto Sh*tgibbon
  24. Pitiful Orange Unsophisticated Twerp Scumbag (POUTS)
  25. crybaby in chief
  26. Trumpovich
  27. Comrade Pissbaby
  28. Don the Con
  29. Toddler Psychopath (John Oliver)
  30. the Stopped Clock of Assholes (John Oliver)
  31. Cult 45
  32. The Great Orange One
  33. Millionaire Asshole Golfing Again
  34. King Cheetos
  35.  Your Orangeness
  36. Bloviated Blowhard
  37. President Dipshiat
  38. Mango-in-Chief
  39. President Dunning J. Kruger[4]
  40. President Cheeto Pedo

EponymsEdit

  1. Theory of Trumpitivity
  2. trumpian
  3. Trumparrhea
  4. Trumplomacy (BBC)
  • Trumping
    when a white man takes credit for the work of a black man[5]

ReviewEdit

  1. Day 50: Trump keeps signing whatever the fark you put in front of him and only using executive power
  2. If you wanted your Decline and Fall of the American Republic in graph form, we've got you covered
  3. Headline: "Donald Trump is more normal than you think"
  4. Trump is having the worst week of his Presidency, but he can still turn this thing around. All he has to do is figure out intelligence, patience, humility, empathy, and wisdom over his morning coffee today
  5. (3/24/2017) The best way for Trump to do something is to do nothing. Finally, a political strategy we can rally around 
  6. (3/27/2017) TL;DR: The consensus approaching the close of his first 100 days is that Trump is a douche and his administration are a bunch of childish incompetent backbiting losers 
  7. (3/28/2017) So let's review where the lawsuit(s) against Donald Trump now stand 
  8. (3/29/2017) Emo Trump tired of mean kids in Congress ruining his day, signs off on a bunch of angsty Executive Tissues because f*ck you guys, I do what want 


Steele DossierEdit

  1. Castor bean and polonium futures surge as Trump Dossier author Christopher Steele emerges in London eager to return to his position as head of Orbis Business Intelligence. Something tells me we're about to see an extremely busy news cycle
  2. Rep. Maxine Waters: "We know" Trump sex blackmail is "absolutely true." Which is such a coincidence because Max Waters was the name of one of his Russian prostitutes
    1. Claims to existence of Trump's sex tapes are being watered down
  3. (3/27/2017) Chris Steele, the former MI6 agent who may have the pee pee tape, will reportedly testify against Trump 
  4. (3/30/2017) The BBC is reporting that a key claim in the Harde Steele Dossier is true 

"Commander" in "Chief"Edit

  1. Trump to send 1000 troops to Syria because you can't win wars if you don't fight them
  2. Mideast surge has Pentagon concerned with 'mission creep' resulting from orders from 'commander creep'
  3. (3/28/2017) Trump's rocky start in the Middle East. And by "rocky start", we mean "murdering all the civilians" 
  4. (3/29/2017) US officials deny that the increase in civilian casualties in Syria and Iraq has ANYTHING to do with President Trump changing the rules of engagement in that theater to "pew, pew, pew *explosion noise* ack-ack-ack-ack *vroom*" 

Laws SignedEdit

  1. Of the three bills and two executive orders President Trumpler signed yesterday, guess which one wasn't given a signing ceremony or photoshoot

AgendaEdit

  1. (3/24/2017) Congressman: You know, it might be a good idea to pause the President's legislative agenda until the investigation into his possible collusion with the Russian government is complete 
  2. (3/24/2017) With the death of the Don'tCare Act, President Bannon has pledged to remember those who defied the White House. Channeling the worst of George W. Bush says we're in a "you're either with us or against us" mentality 
  3. (3/25/2017) "The GOP was counting on wiping out nearly $1 trillion in Obamacare taxes to help finance the sweeping tax cuts they've got planned for their next legislative act. And now it's unclear where all that money will come from." Fark needs a "ha-ha" tag ✂
  4. (3/25/2017) Who run Congresstown? Who... run... Congresstown? Freedom Caucus runs Congresstown. FREEDOM CAUCUS RUNS CONGRESSTOWN 
    1. (3/26/2017) "Mr. President, we need to figure out how to win back the Freedom Caucus." "I know, I'll link them to the evil Dumbocrats, so my followers will all turn on them." "Umm...brilliant idea, Mr. President" 
  5. (3/25/2017) Federal judge in Virginia sides with Pres. Trump. Judges will now face one another in a cage match; travel ban status to be determined by two falls, two submissions, or by a knockout Judge Anthony Trenga, United States District Court, Eastern District of Virginia#(3/27/2017) So much for the tolerant left 
  6. (3/27/2017) Sure the Democrats want to elevate Elizabeth Warren within the party ...but so do the Republicans. They seem to think she'll make a good boogeyman in the 2018 elections 
  7. (3/27/2017) "I would call it 'responsible nationalism,' " Ryan said, according to Bannon. Science calls it dividing by zero, warns DO NOT DO 
  8. (3/27/2017) It has come to Wall Street's attention that Trump is full of shiat 
  9. (3/27/2017) "Who knew that tax reform could be so complicated?" 
  10. (3/27/2017) Trump unable to ruin health care so he turns his efforts to ruining the environment 
  11. (3/27/2017) This just in, Congressional Republicans are shunning Univision, says anchor of popular show "Ninguna Mierda, Estúpido" 
  12. (3/27/2017) Trump administration: Nuclear arms control is just too hard, so why even bother? 
  13. (3/30/2017) 193 Democrats, 30 Freedom Caucus members. Enough to start impeachment proceedings. Guess who Trump just called out on Twitter 👑
  14. (3/30/2017) The task of salvaging the GOP's agenda falls on the shell of one man: Yertle 
  15. (3/30/2017) Trump sends letter to Congress outlining his demands for NAFTA renegotiation. The letter reportedly was in crayon and had a cartoon of Trump standing in front of a wall, pointing with his comically huge hands at an eagle, scrawled on it 
  16. (3/31/2017) All this Constitutional Convention talk is a moot point unless the Koch Brothers can buy a few more state legislatures 

Executive OrdersEdit

  1. Of the three bills and two executive orders President Trumpler signed yesterday, guess which one wasn't given a signing ceremony or photoshoot
    1. Trump: "My new and improved travel ban is flawless, see you in court liberotardos" Lawyers and judges: "You are really bad at this"
    2. Trump's travel ban preventing certain groups from coming into US. Do those groupds groups include A: Al Queda? B: ISIS? or C: The Canadian version of the Girl Scouts?
  2. Day 50: Trump keeps signing whatever the fark you put in front of him and only using executive power
  3. Trump signs executive order asking every department "just what do they do around here?"
  4. Barring a court ruling, travel ban takes effect at midnight. This IS a repeat
    1. Federal judge to Trump: What part of "you can't have a Muslim travel ban" did you not understand the first time around, dumbass?
    2. Five GOP judges supported the travel ban
    3. Maryland judge likes the cut of Hawaii judge's jib, and issues another ban on Trump's travel ban. So for those playing along at home: The revised ban has been banned and banned again
    4. "How does 'no' sound to you? What, you don't like that word? Better get used to it"
    5. The real impact of Trump's "enhanced vetting": No African Citizens Could Attend A Summit On African Trade, Held in California, After Visas Were Denied
  5. (3/27/2017) Trump unable to ruin health care so he turns his efforts to ruining the environment 

Campaign Promise(s)Edit

  1. (3/28/2017) It's not too late for Trump. But it will be soon, if he doesn't remember what got him elected in the first place, and drain the swamp 
  2. (3/28/2017) "This money we're spending on after school programs for 1.6 million American kids would be much better spent on missiles and stuff to blow up the Middle East," says guy who campaigned on helping American families 

JobsEdit

  1. (3/27/2017) Treasury secretary says that it will be 50-100 years before automation affects jobs. Still figuring out how these new-fangled "horseless carriages" work 

Coal JobsEdit

  1. (3/25/2017) About that coal industry Trump promised to help 
  2. (3/27/2017) CEO of biggest coal company in the US says that there is nothing Trump can do to bring coal jobs back to the US 

TrumpCare FailureEdit

  1. (3/25/2017) "The businessman president, who sold himself to tens of millions of disillusioned voters last year as the outsider who could tame a broken capital, ended his first confrontation with lawmakers overmatched, outmaneuvered and ultimately empty-handed" 
    1. (3/25/2017) Derpbert says that by suffering a crushing, embarrassing defeat on health care, Trump actually won and is actually stronger than ever. He would explain how, but it would require charts, graphs, and an abacus. And really, who has time? 
    2. (3/26/2017) Pence says, don't worry people of West Virginia, the scourge of public insurance will be gone with nothing good to replace it because I'm a Republican. Oops, did I say that out loud? 
    3. (3/26/2017) Trump voters, angered and outraged that the Affordable Care Act was not repealed [which is good for them], blame everyone but the actual source of the failure 
    4. (3/26/2017) Conservative media agrees: Trump is not to blame for the Trumpscare failure 
  2. (3/25/2017) "The GOP was counting on wiping out nearly $1 trillion in Obamacare taxes to help finance the sweeping tax cuts they've got planned for their next legislative act. And now it's unclear where all that money will come from." Fark needs a "ha-ha" tag ✂
  3. (3/25/2017) Paul Ryan: We've spent so much time being the party of "no" that we've forgotten how to govern 
    1. (3/26/2017) Steve Bannon has lost control of the classroom 
    2. (3/26/2017) Earlier today, Trump went on Twitter to tell his cultish followers to tune in to Fox News and watch Judge Jeanine. Those who did saw her channel her inner Trump and demand Paul Ryan step down as Speaker of the House 
      1. (3/26/2017) Priebus: Trump had no idea whatsoever that Judge Pirro was going to say all of those nasty things about Paul Ryan when he urged everyone to watch her show on Saturday 
  4. (3/25/2017) Who run Congresstown? Who... run... Congresstown? Freedom Caucus runs Congresstown. FREEDOM CAUCUS RUNS CONGRESSTOWN 
    1. (3/26/2017) "Mr. President, we need to figure out how to win back the Freedom Caucus." "I know, I'll link them to the evil Dumbocrats, so my followers will all turn on them." "Umm...brilliant idea, Mr. President" 
    2. (3/26/2017) Trump is 'red hot' with rage over healthcare debacle and determined to make disloyal Republicans pay 
  5. (3/27/2017) Trump's repeal Obamacare is re-imagined as a D&D game gone awry. Check out next week when Prince Trump (R-avnos) blows all his illusions covering a secret Tzimisce connection in a Vampire: The Masquerade LARP session 
  6. (3/27/2017) Every tough vote is going to suffer the same fate as Trumpcare, because even in a sleazy town like DC, the only currency in a tough vote is trust. And literally nobody trusts Trump 
  7. (3/28/2017) Turns out Paul Ryan's reputation as a wonky genius was a bit oversold; Republicans are bedazzled when you bother to use numbers at all, but his tax plan is "a modest proposal"-level garbage 
  8. (3/28/2017) "Repeal and replace Obamacare" made a nice campaign sound bite, not least because of the alliteration. How do you do it, though, once government-sponsored insurance has become part of the living-room furniture? 
  9. (3/28/2017) Trumpscare did not have the support of the majority of Trump voters 
  10. (3/29/2017) New poll shows deluded Republicans blame the "bad bill" for Trumpscare failure and not Trump 
  11. (3/31/2017) Asshole sides with taint against dick 

Zombie TrumpCareEdit

  1. (3/28/2017) 'She'll be back. I barely touched her. And it was just the one time with her sister.' 
  2. (3/28/2017) Obamacare repeal is not dead, is getting better, thinks it'll go for a walk 
  3. (3/29/2017) Trump and GOP last week: "We have no healthcare Plan B, if this fails, that's it." This week: "We totally have like 50 Plan Bs and we're very determined to kill as many of you people as possible" 
  4. (3/30/2017) Paul Ryan refuses to work with Democrats on health-care legislation, a fact that will not in any way prevent him from blaming them when it doesn't pass 
    1. (3/30/2017) Some Republicans upset that Ryan accidentally said in public that they shouldn't work with Democrats at all 

"Budget"Edit

  1. Trump's first budget proposal: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE
    1. We now have our first federal budget from Trump, and the best way to summarize it is "If it's not related to killing brown people, get rid of it. Also, we're paying for the wall"
    2. Trump's budget cuts all funding for climate change research. Every. Last. Penny
    3. Mulvaney: "We can't ask a coal miner to pay for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting." This story brought to you by the letters 'W,' 'T' and 'F'
  2. Trump's NASA budget includes Mars mission and little else. Budget for movie The Martian was bigger
  3. "What America would look like under the Trump budget" wrote someone who apparently can't accept that Trump is President and his party controls everything
  4. Trump plan to cut foreign aid comes just as the threat of famine is surging in various places around the world, fomenting unrest and destabilizing regions the US is trying to stabilize to prevent ISIS from making inroads
  5. If you invested heavily in cat food futures after the election, your payoff is on its way
  6. GOP to Trump: No, you can't shut down Meals on Wheels
    1. Since the White House argued that Meals on Wheels is going to be cut because it has not shown any results, I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that there is actual research that proves otherwise
    2. Donations to Meals on Wheels surge after announcement of funding cuts. See? The system works
  7. Reason magazine has never suffered through a PBS telethon
    1. Donald Trump may succeed in accomplishing what Mitt Romney could not do: Taking down Big Bird
  8. President Trump's budget would turn the US into a heavily-guarded shiatpile
  9. Congressional Republicans rebuke Trump's budget
  10. Trump's budget motto: Nothing helps, so we should stop trying
  11. Having wrested Pennsylvania, Ohio, and West Virginia out of Democratic hands, Donald Trump proposes screwing them over completely... along with red states Kentucky and Tennessee
  12. Mayor says Trump's budget would be 'devastating' to New Orleans, and that city knows a thing or two about devastation
  13. Sarcasm-illiterate (or actually illiterate) Trump press staffers include link to parody article skewering budget proposal in official daily briefing
  14. So, if we eliminate funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, what could we use that money for? How about building one mile of the 405 freeway? Wait, make that "not even a mile"
  15. John Oliver tries to explain the Trump budget but realizes it's impossible as he doesn't speak "fluent toddler psychopath"
  16. Neil deGrasse Tyson: Trump's Budget Will Make America Weak, Sick & Stupid. Obvious tag is really getting a workout this morning
  17. Trump's budget is how the U.S. hands over leadership of 21st century technology to China. It is nothing short of superpower suicide
  18. The age of open government is ending
  19. GOP Representatives: Here we'll put $75* billion into the bill. Don't ask what it does. We won't know until the Senate passes it
  20. Hold onto your pensions: The Jeff Sessions DoJ is doing everything it can to enable white-collar crime
  21. Republicans upset with Sec Def Mattis because he is proving too responsible and independent with his appointment, refusing to appoint political operatives or to push for an increase to the defense budget as they are demanding
  22. Secret Service needs an additional 5,424,954 Meals on Wheels to protect President Trump's family and private home
  23. (3/25/2017) "The GOP was counting on wiping out nearly $1 trillion in Obamacare taxes to help finance the sweeping tax cuts they've got planned for their next legislative act. And now it's unclear where all that money will come from." Fark needs a "ha-ha" tag ✂
  24. (3/28/2017) "This money we're spending on after school programs for 1.6 million American kids would be much better spent on missiles and stuff to blow up the Middle East," says guy who campaigned on helping American families 
  25. (3/29/2017) Sure, let's MAGA by cutting the NIH. What could possibly go wrong? 
  26. (3/29/2017) Bird flu is deadly, so President Trump wants to defund the best way to fight it 
  27. (3/30/2017) Spiceweasel says "obviously we don't want a government shutdown over spending cuts". Most likely because they are concerned it would become too obvious that there isn't much of a difference anymore 
  28. (3/31/2017) Trump FCC pick pulls plug on ObamaNet 

Tax "Reform"Edit

  1. (3/30/2017) History proves the White House will not be able to drive the tax reform train; they will, in fact, derail it 
  2. (3/31/2017) Paul Ryan's tax plan could finally achieve equality in the US ... by shifting 99.6 percent of the tax relief to the wealthiest 1 percent of the country so that everybody else can be equally poor 

Fiddling with regulationsEdit

  1. Trump finds another way to improve health care in Michigan
  2. President Trump wants to privatize the nation's air traffic controllers to save money. What could possibly go wrong?
  3. (3/29/2017) Republican senators decide to review the whole "too big to fail" process 

Foreign PolicyEdit

To view the chaos caused around the world by America's blunder, please visit this page: The World Outside the U.S. Post-Drumpf

  1. (3/30/2017) "The new American government is placing its emphasis on isolation, import barriers and the one-sided assertion of its own interests. If this strategy was right, then North Korea would be an economically powerful land of plenty" 
  2. (3/30/2017) Thanks to our Great Negotiator, the President of the EU Executive arm threatens to support Ohio and Austin, Texas' call for independence if Trump keeps supporting EU separatist movements 
  3. (3/31/2017) Trump's international envoy says Mideast peace is possible, Finally, someone in this administration who is even less believable than the President 
  4. (3/31/2017) Uh oh. Putin gonna be mad. Sexy Rexy says that sanctions will remain in place against Russia until they return the Crimea to Ukraine. All that work in 2016 for nothing 
  5. (3/31/2017) Just like our new BFF Russia, U.S. changes its policy that Syrian president Assad must step down 
  6. (3/31/2017) So Trump has ordered Mattis to start a war with North Korea to distract us from his ties with Russia 

Visiting Foreign DignitariesEdit

  1. (3/31/2017) The King of Jordan is visiting Trump next week, where Trump will ask him lots of questions about basketball and the Bulls 

Net NeutralityEdit

  1. (3/30/2017) Not content to gut internet privacy rules and allow ISPs to sell your browsing history to anyone, Trump and the GOP now set their sights on their next target of government over-regulation, net neutrality 

Public HealthEdit

  1. (3/30/2017) Trump's $500m "increase" to counter opioid epidemic is actually part of spending already scheduled by Obama administration, he just claimed it as his own. Ta da 

MisinformationEdit

This section has become too large, hence it has been given its own page: Drumpfster Fire Misinformation


Executive griftingEdit

  1. Let me tell you, this David guy, OK? He's got a camp, and it's garbage. I mean, just the worst. I'm not the only one saying it, everybody hates this guy's camp, believe me. The door handles are made of wood, there's barns... it's a total mess
  2. Trump's sons are plotting to leverage their ties established during the campaign
  3. Whine bar sues Trump
  4. Donald Trump will host China's president at Mar-A-Lago because why not waste more taxpayer dollars
  5. Another day, another GOP survey. You would think that if they wanted to get feedback from voters, they would hold townhalls or something
  6. Trump claims he is holding a big meeting on how to overhaul the VA at Mar-a-Lago because it was "the most convenient place" and "everybody wanted to go there". Also, Donald? Stop trying to make "The Southern White House" happen. It's embarrassing
    1. This weekend, you paid Trump the approximate cost of 500,000 Meals on Wheels for a "Veterans Affairs meeting" in Mar-a-Lago. Only it seems he forgot to bring the VA secretary. Or even to schedule the meeting
  7. Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have
  8. Whether it's residents in his Trump-branded buildings, or his business associates or investors in his projects, Trump is tied up with not just Russians, but in many cases Russians tied to the criminal underworld and money laundering
  9. (3/23/2017) Thanks to Trump's weekly visits and wasting of taxpayer funds, West Palm Beach has become the newest center of power and money 
  10. (3/24/2017) Trump: Did I violate terms of the lease with my DC hotel? Trump: No 
  11. (3/26/2017) To celebrate the Trumpcare bill going exactly as planned, President Trump takes a rare break from the White House to get a golf trip in. At a Trump golf club, of course 
  12. (3/28/2017) SS has spent $16,000 renting golf carts from Trump 
  13. (3/28/2017) So let's review where the lawsuit(s) against Donald Trump now stand 
  14. (3/28/2017) GAO 2 ✔ $$ 4 POTUS 🏰 ✈🌴 & ⛳ trips 


Tax ReturnsEdit

Release OfEdit







Avoiding Release OfEdit

Possible Release OfEdit

  1. Microwave some popcorn (make sure you cover the camera first). Rachel Maddow says she has Trump's tax returns. Tonight at 9PM EDT on MSNBC
  2. White House releases tax info before Maddow's show, then Trump gets on the Twitter and calls it fake. WTF is this guy's problem?
    1. Donald Trump Jr. goes on Twitter rant about fake news after Rachel Maddow unveiled his father's very real tax returns
    2. Trump attorney challenges Scarborough to prove Trump team is behind tax leak, because proof is something everyone else has to provide
    3. And the biggest revelation from President Trump's leaked tax return? He will benefit more than anyone else with his proposed tax plan
    4. Yesterday on MSNBC Rachel Maddow was Charlie Brown to Donald Trump's Lucy holding the football
    5. Maddow: Guys, there's a reason his campaign theme was "You can't always get what you want"
    6. Rachel Maddow rickrolled her liberal flock, and they love her for it and can't wait for the next benevolent serving of anti-Trump scraps
  3. David Cay Johnston
    leaked Trump's 2005 tax returns
    1. "I know we at MSNBC done goofed. But hey, its real, so at least we got that going for us"
    2. Is MSNBC lackey Rachel Maddow in legal trouble for publishing Trump's tax return? Probably not but she should be
  4. Forbes Magazine says Donald Trump's net worth has dropped by $1 billion over the past year. Trump says no problem, I'll just take trips to Mar-a-Lago twice every week and start holding state dinners there
  5. (March, 2017) White House releases tax info before Maddow's show, then Trump gets on the Twitter and calls it fake. WTF is this guy's problem? 
  6. (3/29/2017) House Republicans block effort by Democrats to obtain President Trump's taxes because of course they did 

Sexual PredatorEdit

LeaksEdit

  1. President Trump's latest attempt to stop the damaging leaks coming from the White House leaks to the press
  2. Fmr. NSA analyst: Intel sources say White House 'targeting journalists' with 'help from Russian intel' - Nothing to see here, move along comrade
  3. David Cay Johnston
    leaked Trump's 2005 tax returns
    1. "I know we at MSNBC done goofed. But hey, its real, so at least we got that going for us"

Alleged leaksEdit

Desperate Attempt to Make Investigating A Leak A ThingEdit

  1. Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing


InvestigationsEdit

For the full mess, please visit the archive

GeneralEdit

  1. Fired U.S. Attorney for New York Preet Bharara sends out a Tweet that STRONGLY suggests that he was investigating Trump when he was fired
  2. The FBI is fully cooperating with the Russia investigation

Not Under InvestigationEdit

  1. WH: It's fine, just fine, nothing to see here. There are no investigations targeting the President, and if there were, we cannot comment on on-going investigations anyway. So there. Nailed it

Trump Campaign Contacts with RussiansEdit

  1. A timeline of Jeff Sessions' relationship with the Trump campaign and his own conversations with Russian officials
  2. Just in case you've lost count here's a list of Trump's campaign advisors, that we know of at this writing, who have met with the Russians just to say hi and shoot the shiat
  3. Sorry Dems, the whole Jeff Sessions gig you've got going is nothing but fake news
  4. And here it is. The stupidest thing you will read all day
  5. Russia's foreign minister decries the investigations into the Trump Administration's contacts with Russia using nearly identical language to that which Trump himself used. Dude, you're NOT helping
  6. Trump campaign: We had nothing to do with altering the RNC platform to effectively cede Ukraine to Russia. Reality: The platform was altered by a campaign staffer on orders from Trump himself
    1. After every Trump revelation, the following 13 step formula is followed, rinsed and repeated
  7. Let's check in on the only Russian Trump *hasn't* talked to
  8. That time when candidate Trump met with the Russian Ambassador and then lied about it
  9. FBI and NSA called to testify on Trump-Russia investigation. CIA was going to be called, but thanks to Wikileaks, Congress already knows what CIA was going to say anyway
    1. Sen. Murphy says what many of us are thinking, Wikileaks timing for releasing this info on the CIA is suspiciously timed, almost as if they were trying to deflect attention from something else, but what could that be?
  10. Nothing to see here -- just Trump associates directly communicating with Russian hackers mere weeks before the DNC was hacked
  11. AG Sessions: "Khorosho, ya sdelayu vse, chto vozmozhno, chtoby vosstanovit' nezavisimost' i professionalizm Ministerstva yustitsii"
  12. Trump Campaign Knew
  13. Paul Manafort's protégé? Russian collaborator
  14. White House finally responds to growing questions about Wikileaks CIA dump, Trump's wiretap accusation and connections to Russia...by canceling all press events
  15. FBI continues investigating the "odd" cyber link between a Russian bank and Trump's corporate holdings
  16. All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in one easy char- Really? Seven? We need THAT Many? OK, fine: All of Trump's ties to Russia laid out in SEVEN, actually fairly complicated charts
  17. Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
  18. FTFA: In what can be described as journalistic malpractice and a gross dereliction of duty, the alt-left radical propaganda press continues to insist there is some nefarious connection between President Trump and Moscow. Evidence? They don't need any
  19. James Comey to officially reveal if FBI is investigating Trump's ties to Russia during presidential election
  20. Russian oligarch who purchased Trump's Palm Beach mansion for way above market price, admits his plane and Trump's shared a tarmac in North Carolina days before the election, but totally did not meet or anything, trust him
  21. RT thought Michael Flynn was worth paying $45K to speak in Moscow. This means something, right?
    1. If you're gonna sell out your country to the Russians, at least do it for more than a lousy $68k
  22. "Circumstantial evidence" regarding collusion between Russia and Trump campaign. The seven or so Trump surrogates who had many meetings with Russians not withstanding
    1. Trump: Russia story is 'FAKE NEWS and everyone knows it'
    2. Will Comey reveal that Trump is a puppet? Will the pee tape come to light? Will Trump demand Comey's head after the hearing? THIS is your House Intelligence Committee Hearing on Russia-gate thread (hearing starts at 10 AM EDT on C-SPAN)
      1. Comey confirms the FBI is investigating Trump team for Russia connections they can sweep under the rug
      2. James Comey answers the least suspenseful question in recorded history
        1. Pro tip: Wait until the hearing is over before you mischaracterize someone's congressional testimony, Mr. President, or you run the risk of being corrected in real-time
      3. Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing
      4. Pretty much, the only way today could have gone worse for Trump is if PornHub added a "presidential watersports" category to their search engine or Melania was revealed as a victim of "the Fappening 2.0"
      5. White House continues to defend wiretapping claim despite today's contrary statements from "so-called FBI Director" Comey
  23. "Is Russiagate just a conspiracy theory?" If the headline ends in a question
  24. Tillerson to skip parent-teacher conference in lieu of hanging out with his best friend during school hours
  25. Minor unpaid Trump volunteer Paul Manafort was paid millions to push pro-Putin policy in US and Europe for the last decade
  26. House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
    1. (3/25/2017) The conspiracy thickens as it's revealed House Intelligence Chair Devin Nunes went on a dead of night excursion and vanished from view the night prior to revealing the full details of the Intel revelations on Trump 
    2. (3/26/2017) Suitcases full of unmarked bills are out. These days you just have dirty politicians invest in a bit of real property or a brand and then flip that brand for a thousand times its worth while forcing distribution through an oligarch-controlled market Nunes’ heavily invested in company with ties to Russia{{}}
    3. (3/29/2017) You have to hand it to House Republicans, they are steadfastly refusing to throw Devin Nunes under the bus, instead they've decided they will ALL climb under the bus together and show those wheels who's boss 
    4. (3/29/2017) The evidence is now clear that the White House and Devin Nunes, the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, have worked together to halt the Russia Investigation 
    5. (3/29/2017) Devin Nunes explains that he wouldn't be totally cocking up this whole Russian investigation if the Democrats weren't forcing him to do a really bad job and also to betray his responsibility by being Trump's bootlicking toadie. See? The Dems did it 
  27. Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President
    1. Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him
  28. A lot of smoke so far, here's some actual fire: US officials say Trump campaign coordinated with the Russians
  29. (3/27/2017) Devin Nunes makes Bill Clinton's "I smoked but I did not inhale" line look positively forthright, saying he was ON the White House grounds before his big announcement, but wasn't meeting with anyone FROM the WH 
  30. (3/28/2017) That Russian bag man? He went to Jared 
  31. (3/28/2017) President Donald Trump: "Trump Russia story is a hoax" 
  32. (3/28/2017) What's this? Oh nothing, just a letter from the Justice Department trying to use the presidential communication privilege to block former Attorney General Sally Yates from testifying before the House Intelligence Committee about Trump-Russia ties 
    1. (3/28/2017) Spicer says it's 100% false that the White House tried to stop Yates from testifying, which means they TOTALLY tried to do that 
  33. (3/28/2017) Nunes: How can a blind man be a lookout? Graham: How can an idiot be the House Intelligence Committee Chairman? Nunes: ___ 
    1. (3/28/2017) Nunes: I have investigated myself and found no wrong-doing 
  34. (3/28/2017) Rep. Eric Swalwall: This is what the cover-up to a crime looks like, especially when the perpetrators are named Moe, Larry, and Curly 
  35. (3/28/2017) The company that Nunes lists as his single largest personal investment has suddenly scrubbed all references to doing business in Russia, claiming it was a one-off deal in 2013. The Russian distributor says they still are doing business to this day Alpha Omega Winery
  36. (3/30/2017) Paul Ryan: "I've seen the documents that Freaked Devin Nunes out. But I don't think he has" 
  37. (3/30/2017) Two aides have hit the Nunes Tower. Oh the hilarity 
  38. (3/29/2017) Evan McMullin: I entered the 2016 Presidential Race because I knew secrets about Donald Trump's ties to Russia that have yet to be revealed 
  39. (3/29/2017) Why the FBI cannot expose the Trump/Russian collusion 
  40. (3/29/2017) Comey tried to warn us 
  41. (3/29/2017) 74% of Republicans believe Trump Tower was wiretapped during the campaign 

Possible Russian Interference Of 2016 POTUS ElectionEdit

  1. And Jeff recuses
    1. Trump has "total confidence" in Jeff Sessions. Sorry, Jeff
    2. Sessions and other Trump surrogates demanded Loretta Lynch recuse herself under similar circumstances, but that was different because Sessions is a white man
  2. Good thing Trump's campaign funds didn't pay for Sessions's visit with Rus--oh
  3. The fact that the Top Republican on the House Intelligence Committee which has been charged with looking into Russia's interference in the election was also a member of Trump's transition team should in no way cast doubt on the panel's work
  4. For SOME reason the US government isn't responding to Ukraine's requests to interview Paul Manafort in connection to a corruption investigation. Gee, I wonder why that is
  5. No longer even trying to hide it
  6. Trump allies Roger Stone and Paul Manafort both wanted for questioning in Russia investigations
  7. Kellyanne's husband picked to lead the civil division of the DOJ. Fun fact that certainly won't come back to haunt him? He was part of the legal team for Paula Jones that established you can sue sitting U.S. presidents
  8. You know all those "BernieBros"? Turns out some were probably paid Russian agents, not that there are any here on Fark, of course
  9. House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
    1. (3/24/2017) Devin Nunes tries to justify his betrayal of principles and duty by stating he had an "obligation" to run and tell Trump he was f*cked 
    2. (3/24/2017) Rep. Nunes realizes he's farked one way or the other, backs off his claims. If you remember they were "yes, Donald Trump was wiretapped." "No, Donald Trump wasn't wiretapped" and "Maaaaaaybe?? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Tune in to find out which excuse won 
    3. (3/24/2017) For no apparent reason, the Republican Intelligence Committee Chair decided to cancel the public hearing on the panels investigation of Trump and possible collusion with Russia 
  10. (3/25/2017) NBC's Andrea Mitchell: White House officials are "purging their cell phones" in expectation of getting subpoenaed 
  11. (3/25/2017) CNN analyst says the FBI has flipped Michael Flynn in a deal to implicate others in the Trump administration for colluding with Russia 
  12. (3/26/2017) Trump's supermarket mouthpiece, The National Enquirer, has branded disgraced General Michael Flynn a Russian Spy. The End Is Nigh 
  13. (3/28/2017) Russian interference in the U.S. elections may constitute an "act of war," says renowned liberal snowflake Dick Cheney. Wait, what? 
  14. (3/29/2017) New poll finds 40% of respondents believe Russia interfered with election to help Trump win. In other news, 60% of respondents believe they'll be sent to Siberia if they say 'yes' 
  15. (3/31/2017) With Nixon, it was 'follow the money'. With Trump is more like "follow the trail of dead Russians.' 
  16. (3/31/2017) "Part of the reason active measures have worked in this U.S. election is because the commander in chief has used Russian active measures, at times, against his opponents" 

Possible Interference with Economic Sanctions Against RussiaEdit

  1. Confederate States of America signs non-aggression pact with Russia
    1. What exactly did Jeff Sessions say to the Russian ambassador and when did he know it?
  2. WH ordered to keep all information they have regarding Russia. Presumably for the big bonfire they'll have when Putin has a state visit
  3. Dems to Sessions: GTFO
  4. And.... Here.... We... Go
  5. And now we have a running list of people demanding Jefferson Beauregard Sessions resign and leave the Confederacy in disgrace after it was revealed he spoke with Russia illegally
  6. Well that didn't take long, Trump administration goes from defending Sessions as a victim of a partisan witch hunt to "hey, we didn't know he met with Russians until we turned on the TV this morning". Oh, Beauregard, we hardly knew ye
  7. NEW BOMBSHELL: Jared Kushner and Mike Flynn met with the Russians in December
  8. Trump campaign: We had nothing to do with altering the RNC platform to effectively cede Ukraine to Russia. Reality: The platform was altered by a campaign staffer on orders from Trump himself
  9. Trump surrogates peek out into the light, admit that maybe they talked to some Russians once for 5 minutes about nothing in particular and it's nothing to worry about and they're sorry they forgot to mention it
  10. After every Trump revelation, the following 13 step formula is followed, rinsed and repeated
  11. "Follow the money." This is not a repeat from Watergate, Iran-Contra, Whitewater, nor the pickup line Drew told the hooker last week
  12. (3/27/2017) The Senate Intelligence Committee, the one NOT run by a Trump "stooge," has decided they would like "a word" with Trump son-in-law/beard Jared Kushner about the words he exchanged before the election with a Russian bank chief and the Ambassador 
    1. (3/28/2017) Russian bank: Oh f*ck yes, we met with Jared. It was glorious 
  13. (3/30/2017) So, what did Kushner discuss with the Russians? 
  14. (3/30/2017) Flynn offers to testify in exchange for Immunity, Jeff Bridges giving him back that arcade 
    1. (3/31/2017) Trump praises Mike Flynn for seeking immunity after watching Fox & Friends. I guess the segment didn't tell Trump who Flynn will be testifying against 
      1. (3/31/2017) Jayson Chaffetz has rare moment of clarity, points out that Donnie needs to STFU about Flynn's request for immunity. Things to return to normal in Jason's head in 3, 2, 1 
      2. (3/31/2017) How to make Trump rage-quit an exec order signing ceremony. Step 1: have CBS' Major Garrett ask a question about Michael Flynn (skip video to 42:30) 
    2. (3/31/2017) Senate Intelligence Committee to Mike Flynn: NO IMMUNITY FOR YOU 
    3. (3/31/2017) The five biggest moments in the downfall of Michael Flynn, who proved Sally Yates correct 
  15. (3/31/2017) Uh oh. Putin gonna be mad. Sexy Rexy says that sanctions will remain in place against Russia until they return the Crimea to Ukraine. All that work in 2016 for nothing 

Russian HackersEdit

  1. (3/30/2017) Russia hired 1000 people to create anti-Clinton fake news during the election. Fake. News 

Nadler's "Resolution of Inquiry"Edit

demanding Attorney General hand over "any document, record, memo, correspondence or other communication” pertaining to “criminal or counterintelligence investigations” related to Trump, White House staff or his business"

Obama Alleged Phone-TappingEdit

Trump Tower Tapp

  1. House Intelligence Committee requests that Trump FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: over his evidence of wiretapping by Monday
    1. House Intelligence Committee set today as the deadline for Trump to provide evidence he was the victim of an Obama "wiretapp." Will Trump follow through? What will happen if he fails to provide the evidence? Either way, things will get crazy today
    2. Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
      1. Trump 'doesn't really think' Obama personally tapped his phone. Last five words completely unnecessary
        1. Welcome to Politics 2017 - The Year of the Walk Back
        2. Trump again says he was wiretapped as long as you include people listening to people in any situation as wiretapping
  2. Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
  3. [6]
  4. Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it
    1. White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation"
      1. Deputy Director of the NSA calls Trump's UK spying allegations "just crazy", "arrant nonsense". Then insinuates Trump is ignorant and stupid. Why yes, he is retiring shortly
    2. No longer even trying to hide it
  5. Secret Service laptop containing the floor plans to Trump Tower and info about the Clinton email investigation stolen
  6. And today Comey throws Trump under the bus
  7. Intel offers no evidence of Trump Tower spying. To be honest, I always suspected AMD
  8. UK Intelligence Chief warns that Russia may have been behind Donald Trump's claim that British intelligence had wiretapped Trump Tower
  9. White House continues to defend wiretapping claim despite today's contrary statements from "so-called FBI Director" Comey
    1. David Cameron jokes that a main perk of no longer being British Prime Minister is that he doesn't have to listen to Donald Trump's wiretapped conversations any more, proving British brand of Conservative Humour is as weak as its American cousin
  10. Trump feels "somewhat vindicated" about his "wire tapping" allegations. "Somewhat vindicated" is in quotes meaning not actually vindicated at all

FBI-led Russia-Trump InvestigationEdit

  1. So, it turns out the FBI really DID have a wiretap at Trump Tower to spy on Russians, but it was from 2011-2013, and its target was the Russian mobsters running a massive money laundering operation out of their apartment there
    1. Whether it's residents in his Trump-branded buildings, or his business associates or investors in his projects, Trump is tied up with not just Russians, but in many cases Russians tied to the criminal underworld and money laundering
  2. People close to the president say Mr. Trump's Twitter torrent had less to do with fact, strategy or tactic than a sense of persecution bordering on faith: He simply believes that he was bugged in some way, by someone
  3. Rep. Nunes claims that Trump people were picked up on FBI wiretaps of Russians, which means, technically, Obama wiretapped the Trump campaign, which is the best kind of wiretapping
    1. House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*
    2. Rep. Nunes thought he was putting out the Trump Tweet Tapp fire. Only he reached for gasoline instead of water
    3. (3/23/2017) Devin Nunes may be trying to save his own ass 
    4. (3/23/2017) House intel committee head apologizes for his actions yesterday, saying, "Was that wrong? Should I have not done that?" 
    5. (3/23/2017) Kayleigh McEnany tried to say her fellow CNN panelists didn't support the Fourth Amendment. She was quickly humiliated, as is tradition 
  4. (3/23/2017) George W. Bush's ethics lawyer says FBI is "uncovering evidence of treason" by far right US news websites over their links with Russia. In other news, Bush had an ethics lawyer. Who knew? 
  5. The FBI Russia probe will also investigate the Western wing of Russia's propaganda machine, Breitbart and Infowars
  6. Monday's hearing "debunked" Trump's wiretapping tweets, but left his underlying claim intact: that there was surveillance of the Trump campaign; that the results were shared throughout the government - even possibly reaching the Obama White House
    1. Former Nixon White House Counsel John Dean: The actions of the Trump White House in response to the Russia story seem AWFULLY familiar to me...wait, don't tell me, it'll come to me any second
  7. The internet is forever, and things you post can come back to haunt you later. Isn't that right, Mrs. Kellyanne "Ha, ha, you're being investigated by the FBI" Conway?
  8. "The FBI probe into Trump and Russia is huge news. Our political system isn't ready for it"
  9. Vadim Trincher
    model tenant, Trump Tower
    1. The Trump Tower...you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy

Senate Armed Services CommitteeEdit

  1. (3/24/2017) Trump campaign accused of aiding the Taliban 
  2. (3/24/2017) Former Trump campaign hanger-on Paul Manafort offers to perjure himself in front of the House Intelligence Committee 

House Oversight CommitteeEdit

  1. (3/24/2017) Cummings and Chaffetz request Michael Flynn documents from White Hous-Oh shucks, seems they all fell into one of the several fireplaces in the White House. Wet floors will do that, ya know 
  2. (3/24/2017) Hey, remember Rudy Giuliani? His comments about Russia hacks and whatnot? Whatever happened to him? 
  3. (3/24/2017) Congressman: You know, it might be a good idea to pause the President's legislative agenda until the investigation into his possible collusion with the Russian government is complete 

Independent CommissionEdit

to investigate allegations of potential coordination between the Trump campaign and the Russians

  1. House Intelligence Committee Democrat Adam Schiff calls for independent investigation after Chairperson Devin Nunes decides to throw protocol out the window and brief the President that shiat is hitting the fan faster than anyone expected *DUN DUN*

Inquery by Senate Intelligence CommitteeEdit

  1. (3/29/2017) Senate intelligence leaders say starting tomorrow 20 people will be questioned to finally get to the bottom of what influence Russia had over the Clintons during the 2016 election 
  2. (3/30/2017) The Senate Intelligence Committee holds open hearings on the Russian involvement in the 2016 US Presidential elections and other elections across Europe. Get your popcorn ready, folks. 10:00 AM EDT on C-SPAN 3 Live thread

GAO to Review President's Travel ExpencesEdit

  1. (3/28/2017) GAO 2 ✔ $$ 4 POTUS 🏰 ✈🌴 & ⛳ trips 


CrimesEdit

This section will include all Fark threads related to crimes committed by the Head Toupee For the full mess, please visit the archive

Possible Obstruction of JusticeEdit

Possible Campaign Finance InproprietiesEdit

  1. Watchdog groups: Trump team helped themselves to alt-legal campaign contributions after the election
    1. Good thing Trump's campaign funds didn't pay for Sessions's visit with Rus--oh

Possible LibelEdit

  1. "Although the law provides a great deal of leeway for political speech, that protection is not all encompassing. And because of the way Trump has leveled unsubstantiated accusations at Obama, he may have libeled his predecessor"

Possible Disclosure of CIA Intelligence on Live TVEdit

  1. Trump leaked classified CIA intel to Tucker Carlson on live TV: ranking House intel member


Conflicts of InterestEdit

  1. Trump hotel in Azerbaijan was a front for the Iranian Revolutionary Guard
  2. Trump just got a trademark for escort services in China. Hey Evangelicals, you know them by their fruit, amiright?
  3. Hey, here's a question: Why has a Russian oligarch known as "The Fertilizer King" been following Trump around the country? Is it for the steady supply of cheap and plentiful bullshiat? Or is it something more sinister...?
    1. Trump claims that he has never met a man who paid him $95 million. Which I totally understand, I've never met a man who'd pay me $95 million either
  4. So, has anyone else noticed that the handicapping of the State Department that President Trump has engaged in, benefits Russia and Putin tremendously?
  5. Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have
  6. Kellyanne's husband picked to lead the civil division of the DOJ. Fun fact that certainly won't come back to haunt him? He was part of the legal team for Paula Jones that established you can sue sitting U.S. presidents
  7. (3/23/2017) Trump's early policy moves benefit the industries he knows best - his own. But don't worry, there's no conflict of interest here, believe me 
  8. (3/24/2017) Ladies and Gentleman our Treasury Secretary: "Well, I'm not allowed to promote anything that I'm involved in, but you should send all your kids to 'Lego Batman' " - which he produced 
  9. (3/24/2017) Ivanka Trump Lives in Washington, Works at the White House, But isn't an Employee Subject to Federal Ethics Rules. Ta da 

Pay-to-playEdit

  1. Why did Trump reverse his mandate to use U.S. steel in the Keystone XL pipeline? Nobody knows, but a Russian oligarch with close ties to Putin stands to make a bunch of money from it. Fancy that
  2. "Big Candy", lobbying the Trump administration to roll back sugar subsidies, to hold their 2017 and 2018 meetings and conferences at Trump hotels
  3. Make Chile Great Again
  4. What's that, oh it's nothing, just Jared Kushner's family making $400 million because a huge Chinese company is buying one of their buildings at a wildly inflated price on terms ridiculously favorable to the Kushners, nothing to see here, move along
  5. Shortly after a Chinese government-connected corporation brokered a NYC real estate deal that netted Jared Kushner $400 million because of its ridiculously favorable terms, the head of Chinese Intelligence front buys a $15 mil condo in Trump Towers


Ethics violationsEdit

  1. Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have


LawsuitsEdit

This section will include all Fark threads related to lawsuits filed against the Head Toupee for the month of June, 2017 For the full mess, please visit the archive

Citizens Action Coalition, et al. v. Indiana House Rep.Edit

Pence hid emails when governor of Indiana

  1. File this under "It's totes okay when we do it"
  2. Mike Pence says there's no comparison to Clinton on his private email use, as he's a Republican with a penis
    1. Vice President Mike Pence demands apology from media for publishing his wife's private email address... which became a matter of public record because Mike Pence used his private email account to conduct government business

Cork Wine BarEdit

owners Diane Gross, Khalid Pitts suing President's business for unfair business practices

  1. Whine bar sues Trump
  2. (3/28/2017) So let's review where the lawsuit(s) against Donald Trump now stand 

Modern Appealing ClothingEdit

suing Ivanka Trump for unfair business practices

  1. (3/28/2017) So let's review where the lawsuit(s) against Donald Trump now stand 

CREWEdit

Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington suing President for violating Emoluments Clause

  1. (3/28/2017) So let's review where the lawsuit(s) against Donald Trump now stand 

FSFPEdit

Free Speech for People with NYAG suing President for abuse of power

  1. (3/28/2017) So let's review where the lawsuit(s) against Donald Trump now stand 

Eric SchneidermanEdit

Attorney General, New York

  1. (3/28/2017) So let's review where the lawsuit(s) against Donald Trump now stand 

Jeffrey A. LovitkyEdit

failure to comply with financial disclosure law

    1. (3/29/2017) Lawyer suing Trump for financial disclosures: "I mean, I would rather not be doing this" Jeffrey A. Lovitky v. Donald J. Trump, President

Summer ZervosEdit

former TV show contestant

    1. (3/29/2017) Pres. Trump just found something he likes about Bill Clinton suing for being “subjected to unwanted sexual touching" ... "on more than one occasion"

Makaeff v. Trump University, LLCEdit

sought refunds and punitive damages for breach of contract, fraud, negligent misrepresentation and bad faith

  1. (3/31/2017) Trump fraud case comes to a close. Well, one of them anyways 


Removal From OfficeEdit

For the full mess, please visit the archive

In GeneralEdit

OddsEdit

25th Amendment SolutionEdit

  1. "You know, Mr. President, the Russia stuff is heating up pretty badly. We need something to distract the media. How about...um...I dunno...maybe Obama tapped your phones? Think anyone would believe that?"
  2. Donald Trump suffered an outright personality breakdown on Twitter after the wiretap comments, and Twitter has reacted accordingly; "We need to keep him away from the nuclear launch codes today"
    1. Congressman points out to Trump that if his TT phones were tapped, then he's in deeper poop than he imagined because the tap would have required a warrant , which in turn would have required Probable Cause in front of a FISA judge
    2. President Trump goes nuts on senior staff, grounds Bannon and Preibus, before heading to yet another weekend getaway
  3. Trump's entire staff has no clue where he came up with the wiretapping allegations
  4. When you have access to the most powerful intelligence and spy agencies in the world and you get your information from Infowars and Briebart, people are going to start thinking you're a little deranged
  5. Donald Trump: "ZOMG all these people are doing McCarthyism at me, this is evil". President Bannon: "McCarthy was a genius whose only fault was not going far enough"
  6. Impeachment was our last hope. No. There is another
  7. Nothing like a sitting president threatening a bloodbath if his health care bill doesn't pass
  8. Goofy haircut? ✔ Boxy, ill-fitting suits? ✔ Erratic and unstable personality? ✔ Primitive vocabulary? ✔ Hates the country to the south? ✔ Brooks no opposition from underlings? ✔ Thin skin? ✔ Father gave him his career? ✔ Is it Trump or Kim Jong Un?
  9. Russia's hostile actions may be due to them panicking over our latest nuclear missiles, which for the first time in history make a preemptive nuclear attack possible. It's a good thing we have someone in charge who won't-oh, god, we're all screwed
  10. POUTS show how he deals with women leaders by refusing to shake Merkel's hand at photo op - or even look at her
    1. Trump makes hilarious wiretap joke with Merkel to which Merkel responded, I don't understand, I was actually wiretapped while you just made it up. So, how is that funny?
  11. Trump is slowly starting to realize that words actually mean something
  12. Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11
  13. Trump claims he is holding a big meeting on how to overhaul the VA at Mar-a-Lago because it was "the most convenient place" and "everybody wanted to go there". Also, Donald? Stop trying to make "The Southern White House" happen. It's embarrassing
    1. This weekend, you paid Trump the approximate cost of 500,000 Meals on Wheels for a "Veterans Affairs meeting" in Mar-a-Lago. Only it seems he forgot to bring the VA secretary. Or even to schedule the meeting
  14. West Wing 'chaos' as Trump seems 'hellbent on squandering' any gains by his administration: report
  15. It appears that someone is blowing smoke up the White House's arse with some crazy theory about smog
  16. Trump: Russia story is 'FAKE NEWS and everyone knows it'
  17. So we've ALL been thinking it, but credit goes to former Rep. David Jolly (R-FL) for being the first to come out and say it publicly: President Donald Trump isn't "intellectually qualified" to be president
  18. KellyAnne Conway: Donald Trump doesn't know who Carter Page is
  19. When the Wall Street Journal compares you to 'a drunk' clinging to 'an empty gin bottle' in a scathing editorial, your Presidency is basically over, man. Sad
  20. Trump has no idea how to grow vegetables
  21. Trump feels "somewhat vindicated" about his "wire tapping" allegations. "Somewhat vindicated" is in quotes meaning not actually vindicated at all
  22. (3/23/2017) Trump gives incoherent interview to Time magazine and sums up his Presidential critics by saying, I'm President and you're not. He then dropped his pants and projectile defecated all over the room 
    1. (3/23/2017) Here is Trump's TIME interview with all the unverified statements blocked out. Spoiler alert: ████████████ 
  23. (3/24/2017) Donald Trump has based his life around an Aldo Nova song 
  24. (3/29/2017) "We don't make mistakes. Go ahead, Ken." "I'm Chuck" 
  25. (3/30/2017) In his daily Twitter rant, Trump threatens to "change libel laws" to go after the New York Times, a move that, even if he COULD do it , would ironically, be unconstitutional according the Supreme Court's ruling in "New York Times V. Sullivan" 

The Queen Elizabeth SolutionEdit

ImpeachmentEdit

  1. Harvard grad and Constitutional lawyer who clerked for the Supreme Court on Trump's wiretap tweets: "Yeah, he pretty much stepped on his own dick big league, and should be shiatcanned." Well, he said it a little more eloquently, but you get the idea
  2. Robert Reich says Trump has given four grounds for impeachment, the fifth coming soon
  3. (3/23/2017) Please note: when preparing a legal attack, please make sure the target of your lawsuit actually exists tweet from Transportation Secretary's account encourages sitting member of U.S. Congress to sue POTUS' "soul"
  4. (3/24/2017) Here's how President Trump's impeachment will go down ...if it does 

Article 1, Section 9, Clause 8Edit

Emoluments Clause

TreasonEdit

  1. For all their denunciations of 'fake news,' the Trump administration has become a leading purveyor of it, and most of that seems to come to them via Moscow
  2. Tillerson to skip parent-teacher conference in lieu of hanging out with his best friend during school hours
  3. Trump voters think it's OK for Trump to commit treason because Hillary would have been worse. So there ya have it kids, out of their own mouths and in their own words: Trumpers support treason

ResignationEdit

  1. And so it begins - Newsweek suggests Trump would be wise to negotiate a resignation before his presidency is fatally wounded
  2. (3/31/2017) Trump thinking about firing himself 


Actual WorkEdit

  1. Russian intelligence asset accepts invitation to attend NATO meeting
  2. (3/24/2017) The Trump Elite are just like the Old Elite, only somehow worse 



Apology TourEdit

  1. White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation"
  2. German broadcaster rescues Trump from Handshakegate


AdministrationEdit

Let's face it: there's too damn many of these people. If you were just counting all the idiots in cahoots with the Russians, you'd need a scorecard (kudos to the FBI for keeping them all straight!) Therefore, ANOTHER new page needed to be created to handle the sheer volume of fail that is the Drumpfster Fire Advisors & Agencies.

The archive is being compiled, please be patient.


LinksEdit

See AlsoEdit

External LinksEdit




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