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This is an archive of Drumpfster Fire Advisors Fark threads for the month of March, 2017
Click this link for the current month, or here for the rest of the archive.


General Institutional FuckeryEdit

  1. For Trump to have any chance to accomplish any of his goals, he needs the "administrative state" that his puppet master Steve Bannon wants to destroy
  2. Trump's entire staff has no clue where he came up with the wiretapping allegations
    1. White House attorneys scramble to come up with evidence to back Trump's 'wiretap' claims
    2. Here is a summary of TappGate, for those of you struggling to keep up with all the tapps at home
  3. White House press release contains a paragraph copied verbatim from an Exxon press release. If everything in The Swamp™ is killed by an oil spill, maybe that still counts?
  4. Hey everyone, looks like everything is running smoothly. Trump's tweets speak for themselves
  5. We're only 46 days in a perpetual state of crisis and the Trump administration has yet to deal with a major foreign policy challenge
  6. 8 tricks for defending Trump on the left. More tricks on the right
  7. Apparently Republicans have become Russia's b*tches
  8. Could Breitbart grow rogain on Trump? Wait, go rogue on Trump. They need couples therapy
  9. Refined Gentleman that he is, President Trump lets it be known via the Twitter machine that he is distempered, nay, downright appalled, at the rudeness and lack of civility the uncouth media is displaying towards his designated liars
  10. Beyond outright incompetence - Donald Trump has a plan? CNN thinks so. Maybe it is stored right next to his Healthcare plan, China plan, and Defeat ISIS plan
  11. Trump signs executive order asking every department "just what do they do around here?"
  12. If you wanted your Decline and Fall of the American Republic in graph form, we've got you covered
  13. Paranoia seizes Trump's White House. This is not a repeat from Jan 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd etc
  14. Trump's agenda hinges on the fate of Trumpscare
  15. Mulvaney: "We can't ask a coal miner to pay for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting." This story brought to you by the letters 'W,' 'T' and 'F'
  16. Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11
  17. West Wing 'chaos' as Trump seems 'hellbent on squandering' any gains by his administration: report
  18. It appears that someone is blowing smoke up the White House's arse with some crazy theory about smog
  19. By order of Secretary Spicer, Paul Manafort is/was no longer the former Chairman of the Trump campaign but "Someone who played a very limited role for a very limited time". Please consign all non-conforming information to the nearest Memory Hole
  20. The age of open government is ending
  21. For all their denunciations of 'fake news,' the Trump administration has become a leading purveyor of it, and most of that seems to come to them via Moscow
  22. (3/23/2017) Who Has The Better Cabinet? President Trump or President Camacho from Idiocracy? 
  23. (3/23/2017) There are 553 administration positions that require Senate confirmation. 20 are filled. 36 waiting confirmation. 497 waiting for Trump to stop golfing and actually name someone 
  24. (3/25/2017) NBC's Andrea Mitchell: White House officials are "purging their cell phones" in expectation of getting subpoenaed 
  25. (3/28/2017) Ivanka Trump's unofficial role and uncertain portfolio is causing confusion and consternation among West Wing Staffers "No one really knows what she does exactly." So, like father like daughter, then? 
  26. (3/29/2017) White House staff announce they will sit out the Correspondent's Dinner as a show of solidarity with Trump. Makes you wonder if it was by choice or threat 
  27. (3/29/2017) "Party before country" sinks to unprecedented depths as the GOP largely can't stand Trump but remains painfully and shamefully silent in the face of his trainwreck presidency 

"Advisors" and Other Assorted AppointmentsEdit

Overzealous Staffer(s)Edit

  1. White House press release contains a paragraph copied verbatim from an Exxon press release. If everything in The Swamp™ is killed by an oil spill, maybe that still counts?
  2. White House claims that Trump's allegations that Obama tapped his phones is evidence of wrongdoing even if it turns out to be false
  3. Trump's favorite Irish proverb is neither
  4. Sarcasm-illiterate (or actually illiterate) Trump press staffers include link to parody article skewering budget proposal in official daily briefing
  5. (3/23/2017) Please note: when preparing a legal attack, please make sure the target of your lawsuit actually exists tweet from Transportation Secretary's account encourages sitting member of U.S. Congress to sue POTUS' "soul"

Open Position(s)Edit

  1. at least 46 United States attorneys
    1. The purge continues: On a Friday afternoon, Sessions asks for resignation of 46 U.S. attorneys
    2. Friday massacre, as Trump abruptly orders 46 Obama era prosecutors to resign, including the US Attorney in Manhattan who handles public corruption cases
  2. (3/23/2017) There are 553 administration positions that require Senate confirmation. 20 are filled. 36 waiting confirmation. 497 waiting for Trump to stop golfing and actually name someone 
  3. Commissar for Media Relations
    1. (3/26/2017) Dear Mister Trump, please excuse Boris from work, indefinitely. -Epshteyn's mother 

ResignationsEdit

    1. The purge continues: On a Friday afternoon, Sessions asks for resignation of 46 U.S. attorneys
    2. Friday massacre, as Trump abruptly orders 46 Obama era prosecutors to resign, including the US Attorney in Manhattan who handles public corruption cases


New HiresEdit

  1. James Donovan
    Deputy Treasury Secretary
    1. You may as well call him President Midas, because everything he touches turns to Goldman
  2. David Malpass
    Undersecretary of Treasury for international affairs
    1. Trump's hiring the Bear Stearns economist who promised the economy was fine right before it went bankrupt
  3. Seema Verma
    Medicaid Administrator
    1. The problem with Medicaid expansion is that it expanded Medicaid says the new director of Medicaid expansively
  4. Patrick M. Shanahan
    Deputy Secretary of Defense
    1. In further draining of the swamp, Trump admin nominates Boeing exec for Pentagon's deputy in charge of buying big flying things that go shooty


Vladimir PutinEdit

Russian President and videotape archivist

  1. Kremlin: All this talk about how we interfered in your election is really making it difficult for us to be friends again
  2. Trouble in paradise: Vlad the Putin orders Russian media to stop chumming it up with Trump
  3. "Is Russiagate just a conspiracy theory?" If the headline ends in a question
  4. For all their denunciations of 'fake news,' the Trump administration has become a leading purveyor of it, and most of that seems to come to them via Moscow
  5. Tillerson to skip parent-teacher conference in lieu of hanging out with his best friend during school hours
  6. Minor unpaid Trump volunteer Paul Manafort was paid millions to push pro-Putin policy in US and Europe for the last decade
  7. Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President
  8. (3/23/2017) Former Russian MP and critic of Putin trips and accidentally falls on some bullets, according to the Kremlin Voronenkov was an MP in Russia's State Duma, former member of the Communist Party of the Russian Federation
  9. (3/24/2017) The rise of Putin, or for the conservatives out there, how he's so dreamy without a shirt on 
  10. (3/31/2017) Just like our new BFF Russia, U.S. changes its policy that Syrian president Assad must step down 

Putin's PosseEdit

  1. Vnesheconombank
    Russian government-owned development bank under sanctions by U.S. and others
    1. (3/28/2017) Russian bank: Oh f*ck yes, we met with Jared. It was glorious 
  2. SVR
    Sluzhba vneshney razvedki (Russian Foreign Intelligence Service)
  3. Sergey Gorkov
    chairman, Vnesheconombank
    1. (3/28/2017) That Russian bag man? He went to Jared 
    2. (3/30/2017) So, what did Kushner discuss with the Russians? 
  4. Evgeny Buryakov
    New York-based Deputy Representative, Vnesheconombank, arrested for spying on the United States for the SVR January 26, 20215
  5. Sergey Kislyak
    Russian ambassador to the 2016 U.S. Presidential election and Anything Else Putin Wants
    1. Meet Sergey Kislyak, the Russian ambassador at the center of Russiaghazi and Putin's top spy in the US
    2. (3/27/2017) The Senate Intelligence Committee, the one NOT run by a Trump "stooge," has decided they would like "a word" with Trump son-in-law/beard Jared Kushner about the words he exchanged before the election with a Russian bank chief and the Ambassador 
    3. (3/30/2017) So, what did Kushner discuss with the Russians? 
    4. (3/30/2017) Flynn offers to testify in exchange for Immunity, Jeff Bridges giving him back that arcade 
      1. (3/31/2017) Senate Intelligence Committee to Mike Flynn: NO IMMUNITY FOR YOU 
  6. Sergei Lavrov
    Russian Foreign Minister
    1. Russia's foreign minister decries the investigations into the Trump Administration's contacts with Russia using nearly identical language to that which Trump himself used. Dude, you're NOT helping
  7. Maria Zakharova
    Russian Foreign Ministry Spokeswoman
    1. It's not every day you get to see Russians run away in panic
  8. Dmitry Petrov
    Putin spokesman
    1. Russia to Americans: Calm down sweetheart, you're just being hysterical. Your craziness is hurting our relationship
    2. All power to deflector shields
  9. Dmitry Peskov
    Vladimir Putin's press secretary
    1. All power to deflector shields
  10. RT
    formerly Russia Today, Russian international television network funded by the Russian government
    1. How Russia weaponizes fake news. And no, it doesn't involve dropping Steve Bannon on you from a MiG-29
  11. Sputnik
    a news agency, consisting of websites, radio broadcast service (among others) established by the Russian government-controlled news agency Rossiya Segodnya
    1. How Russia weaponizes fake news. And no, it doesn't involve dropping Steve Bannon on you from a MiG-29
  12. Boris Epshteyn
    Assistant Communications Director for Surrogate Operations
    1. The guy in charge of getting Trump surrogates interviewed by the various news outlets is so bad at his job that he recently got into a screaming match with the booker from FOX NEWS
  13. Dmitry Rybolovlev
    1. Hey, here's a question: Why has a Russian oligarch known as "The Fertilizer King" been following Trump around the country? Is it for the steady supply of cheap and plentiful bullshiat? Or is it something more sinister...?
      1. Trump claims that he has never met a man who paid him $95 million. Which I totally understand, I've never met a man who'd pay me $95 million either
      2. Russian oligarch who purchased Trump's Palm Beach mansion for way above market price, admits his plane and Trump's shared a tarmac in North Carolina days before the election, but totally did not meet or anything, trust him
  14. miscellaneous Russian Spies
    1. Russian spies offer to help tech companies overcome American spies
  15. Konstantin Kilimnik
    1. Paul Manafort's protégé? Russian collaborator
  16. Guccifer 2.0
    distributed and publicized material stolen during hacks of the DNC, prominent Democratic operatives' emails
    1. Nothing to see here -- just Trump associates directly communicating with Russian hackers mere weeks before the DNC was hacked
    2. Top level Publican fixer, Roger Stone, only had "banal" chats with Guccifer 2.0, the Russian hacker elite. They discussed the weather and Knicks prospects. Yeah, and Subby is just using the giggity tag because there is no Patriot tag
  17. Viktor Yanukovych
    disgraced Ukranian president-Russian puppet, leader of the "Party of Regions"
    1. New documents show that former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort laundered payments from pro-Putin Ukrainian party. Dripski. Dripski. Dripski
  18. Vadim Trincher
    model tenant, Trump Tower
    1. The Trump Tower...you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy
  19. Oleg Deripaska
    Russian aluminum magnate, close Putin ally
    1. Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President
      1. Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him
  20. Mikhail Kalugin
    director, Russian Embassy's economics section
    1. (3/30/2017) The BBC is reporting that a key claim in the Harde Steele Dossier is true 

Steve BannonEdit

White House chief strategist and Lumpy James May[1], Gentleman Fascist[2]

  1. Which is more frightening, the possibility that Sessions used Bannon and Miller to become Attorney General, or the possibility that Bannon and Miller used Attorney General Sessions to become co-Presidents?
  2. Are you a legal immigrant? Do you already hold a green card? Well, according to The Chief White House Strategist, and member of the National Security Council, "Legal immigration is the 'real' problem"
  3. I'm a Jewish American who worked with Steve Bannon. He is not a racist or an anti-Semite
  4. For Trump to have any chance to accomplish any of his goals, he needs the "administrative state" that his puppet master Steve Bannon wants to destroy
  5. Donald Trump: "ZOMG all these people are doing McCarthyism at me, this is evil". President Bannon: "McCarthy was a genius whose only fault was not going far enough"
  6. Steve Bannon's favorite book is part "Turner Diaries", part "World War Z", and part "The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs"
  7. The "Deep State" is just a figment of Steve Bannon's diseased imagination. But that's just what they *want* you to think
  8. All in one article, we learn Steve Bannon dodged state taxes by pretending to live in Florida; his Breitbart salary; and his ex-wife's drug dealing boyfriend never watched Breaking Bad. Shoulda checked for 'HDPE' on the tub before dissolving a body
  9. Trump proves he is that boss who, even when he accidentally hires someone who might be good at their job, manages to screw it up by meddling and micromanaging. Unfortunately, he does this with national security, too
  10. Dude, you might not believe this but Trump nutter Steve Bannon was once a Deadhead
  11. Trump puppetmaster Steve Bannon is a fan of notorious French anti-semite philosopher, because of course he is
  12. Perhaps Steve Bannon has suffered some heartbreaking personal tragedy? An event so jarring, it shook him to his core, and left him vulnerable to the predatory recruitment tactics of a hateful ideology? Or, maybe he's just an asshole
  13. (3/24/2017) With the death of the Don'tCare Act, President Bannon has pledged to remember those who defied the White House. Channeling the worst of George W. Bush says we're in a "you're either with us or against us" mentality 
  14. (3/26/2017) Steve Bannon has lost control of the classroom 
  15. (3/27/2017) After watching Bannon crap the bed on health care and the travel ban, Trump puts son-in-law Kushner in charge of infrastructure, foreign policy, tax policy, administrative reform and whatever else he feels like 
  16. (3/27/2017) "I would call it 'responsible nationalism,' " Ryan said, according to Bannon. Science calls it dividing by zero, warns DO NOT DO 
  17. (3/29/2017) Former writer for Breitbart reveals the company--and Bannon--violated laws by cutting deals with their landlord, a wealthy Egyptian. The conflict of interest continues 
  18. (3/30/2017) Drunk uncle Steve Bannon's claims of the "deconstruction of the administrative state" is just a fancy way of saying the government will not help out its citizens 

Moustafa El-GindyEdit

former Egyptian legislator, businessman and owner of Breitbart’s Washington DC office

  1. (3/29/2017) Former writer for Breitbart reveals the company--and Bannon--violated laws by cutting deals with their landlord, a wealthy Egyptian. The conflict of interest continues 

CommissarsEdit

  1. While Trump had you chasing Russia stories, he quietly hired 400 lobbyists and members of the far-right media as "beachhead teams" to be his eyes and ears at every level of government
  2. Independent Journal Review
    founded by former Republican party staffers Alex Skatell and Phil Musser in 2012
    1. Tillerson is traveling Asia with only one journalist, totally not a right wing hack from the Independent Journal Review, founded by conservatives in 2012. So, expect some enlightening coverage from this genius
  3. Nothing to see here, just the administration placing aides in government agencies to monitor for loyalty to the President
  4. America First Policies
    "capture all people who believe in the Trump agenda" as well as conducting research into public policies and promoting Trump's favored causes
  • Rick Gates, former deputy campaign manager, Trump 2016
  • Brad Parscale, Trump's digital and data director
  • Nick Ayers, Pence campaign advisor
  • Marty Obst, Pence campaign advisor
    • David Bossie
    • Katrina Pierson
  • both Ayers and Bossie have close ties to GOP mega-donors Robert and Rebekah Mercer
    1. (3/23/2017) "Paul Manafort may be 'gone' but his business associate, Rick Gates, is still deep within the Trump operation." Wait, who the hell is Rick Gates? Goddammit, the Washington Post needs to hand out scorecards so we know who's who in this saga 
  1. (3/28/2017) Ivanka Trump's unofficial role and uncertain portfolio is causing confusion and consternation among West Wing Staffers "No one really knows what she does exactly." So, like father like daughter, then? 

LobbyistsEdit

  1. While Trump had you chasing Russia stories, he quietly hired 400 lobbyists and members of the far-right media as "beachhead teams" to be his eyes and ears at every level of government
  2. Hey, here's a question: Why has a Russian oligarch known as "The Fertilizer King" been following Trump around the country? Is it for the steady supply of cheap and plentiful bullshiat? Or is it something more sinister...?
  3. Watchdog group claims that Carl Icahn is lobbying Trump, even though he isn't a registered lobbyist. Icahn: I can do what I want
  4. Michael Flynn was a paid lobbyist for a pro Turkish group while working as an advisor for Trump both before and after Trump's election, but it's OK , he's going to "retroactively" file as a foreign agent
  5. Trump campaign chief turned Lobbyist Corey Lewandowski is raising money for a PAC designed to help "drain the swamp" and fight corruption in Washington. Man, who would've expected him to turn on his former boss like that?

Strategic Initiatives GroupEdit

  • White House think tank created by Bannon and Kushner[3]
  • works on issues of foreign policy decisions and national strategy and security; possibly duplicating the work of the National Security Council[4]
  • members include Sebastian Gorka

White House Office of American InnovationEdit

the group aims to develop fresh solutions to persistent problems afflicting American society

  • director Jared Kushner
  1. (3/27/2017) After watching Bannon crap the bed on health care and the travel ban, Trump puts son-in-law Kushner in charge of infrastructure, foreign policy, tax policy, administrative reform and whatever else he feels like 

Financial Stability Oversight CouncilEdit

created by the Dodd-Frank Wall Street reform law

  • chairman Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin
  1. (3/29/2017) Republican senators decide to review the whole "too big to fail" process 

Silicon Valley EntreprenuersEdit

  1. President Trump: brought to you by the same people who unleashed knock-off fart apps on the world
  2. Today we learn how the revolving door between the government and Amazon.com use your tax dollars, make Bezos a happy guy

Donald Trump, Jr.Edit

America's Uday

  1. Donald Trump was paid $50K to speak at pro-Russia event
  2. Trump's sons are plotting to leverage their ties established during the campaign
  3. Donald Trump Jr. goes on Twitter rant about fake news after Rachel Maddow unveiled his father's very real tax returns
  4. Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have
  5. Donald Trump Jr. takes to Twitter to insult the Mayor of London over terrorist attack. I'm beginning to think there's a nature, not nurture thing going on here
  6. Don Trump Jr praised Jimmy Fallon for not being "vicious and pushing a political agenda like everyone else on TV." Wait, who does that?

Eric TrumpEdit

"I'm Eric!"

  1. Trump's sons are plotting to leverage their ties established during the campaign
  2. Eric and Donald Jr. run daddy's businesses and are continually Tweeting about his policies while trying desperately not to violate various ethics laws. More than they already have

Ivanka TrumpEdit

"First" Lady

  1. The liberal voice of the Trump administration has had her mouth sewn shut. Thanks, dad
  2. Questions on Ivanka Trump products can now be sent to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. -- and that includes classified data too
  3. (3/24/2017) Ivanka Trump Lives in Washington, Works at the White House, But isn't an Employee Subject to Federal Ethics Rules. Ta da 
  4. (3/28/2017) So let's review where the lawsuit(s) against Donald Trump now stand 
  5. (3/28/2017) Ivanka Trump's unofficial role and uncertain portfolio is causing confusion and consternation among West Wing Staffers "No one really knows what she does exactly." So, like father like daughter, then? 
  6. (3/31/2017) I don't know why people keep criticizing Ivanka. Have you seen her cute little I'm-doing-important-stuff at-the-White-House outfits? And she's smart, don't ya know 

Ivanka's new position in Daddy's AdministrationEdit

  1. (3/30/2017) After attacking Bill Clinton for his own indiscretions in the White House, new reports suggest Trump may be sleeping with his assistant 
    1. Secretary of Female Appeasement
    2. Deputy Under Secretary of Grifting
    3. "Person Given A Position That Can Claim Executive Privilege To Avoid Congressional Testimony"
    4. Extra Special Assistant to the President
    5. Agent Zelníčková, Heroine of Mother Russia
    6. Princess baby-girl
    7. [Daddy's] service animal
    8. Bottom biotch
    9. Co-Director of the Bureau of Blatant Narcissism

Mike PenceEdit

"Vice" President

  1. Pence on healthcare: "No one is going to fall through the cracks." The chasms, yes. But cracks, no
  2. ʙᴜᴛ...ʜᴇʀ...ᴇᴍᴀɪʟs
  3. File this under "It's totes okay when we do it"
  4. Mike Pence says there's no comparison to Clinton on his private email use, as he's a Republican with a penis
    1. Vice President Mike Pence demands apology from media for publishing his wife's private email address... which became a matter of public record because Mike Pence used his private email account to conduct government business
  5. Reporter: "Mr. Pence, do you believe Trump's claim about Obama wiretapping him, yes or no?" VP Pence: "EVASIVE MANEUVERS, EVASIVE MANEUVERS. ALL POWER TO PORT THRUSTERS AND TRANSFER ALL POWER TO DEFLECTOR SHIELDS"
  6. Mike Pence: "I had no knowledge that Michael Flynn was working as a paid lobbyist during the campaign" Elijah Cummings: " Here's the letter I sent you on Nov. 18 warning that Flynn was a paid lobbyist" Pence: "Can I get a smoke bomb over here?"
  7. Mike Pence to get "World's 2nd Best Boss" mug
  8. (3/26/2017) Pence says, don't worry people of West Virginia, the scourge of public insurance will be gone with nothing good to replace it because I'm a Republican. Oops, did I say that out loud? 
  9. (3/30/2017) VP Pence's marriage is so strong he can't eat alone with another woman or attend events where alcohol is served without Mrs Pence also present. Subby remembers getting grounded too 
  10. (3/30/2017) Lost in the shuffle today was Vice President Pence casting the 51st vote to strip federal funds from Planned Parenthood. With a chance of the ACA being repealed next week, you ladies are gonna have to learn to just keep your godless legs shut 

Shadow CabinetEdit

Jared KushnerEdit

Son-in-law

  1. NEW BOMBSHELL: Jared Kushner and Mike Flynn met with the Russians in December
  2. Make Chile Great Again
  3. What's that, oh it's nothing, just Jared Kushner's family making $400 million because a huge Chinese company is buying one of their buildings at a wildly inflated price on terms ridiculously favorable to the Kushners, nothing to see here, move along
  4. Trump proves he is that boss who, even when he accidentally hires someone who might be good at their job, manages to screw it up by meddling and micromanaging. Unfortunately, he does this with national security, too
  5. Shortly after a Chinese government-connected corporation brokered a NYC real estate deal that netted Jared Kushner $400 million because of its ridiculously favorable terms, the head of Chinese Intelligence front buys a $15 mil condo in Trump Towers
  6. (3/27/2017) After watching Bannon crap the bed on health care and the travel ban, Trump puts son-in-law Kushner in charge of infrastructure, foreign policy, tax policy, administrative reform and whatever else he feels like 
  7. (3/27/2017) The Senate Intelligence Committee, the one NOT run by a Trump "stooge," has decided they would like "a word" with Trump son-in-law/beard Jared Kushner about the words he exchanged before the election with a Russian bank chief and the Ambassador 
  8. (3/28/2017) That Russian bag man? He went to Jared 
  9. (3/28/2017) Russian bank: Oh f*ck yes, we met with Jared. It was glorious 
  10. (3/30/2017) So, what did Kushner discuss with the Russians? 

Reince PriebusEdit

Chief of Staff

  1. Looks like there's a big-ass bus barreling towards Chief of Staff Reince Priebus. The well-oiled machine is constantly crashing and everyone - including Trump - is starting to point the finger at him
  2. It's always a good sign when your boss starts telling reporters what your next job could be
  3. Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11
  4. (3/26/2017) RNC PR-BS: White House will court moderate Democrats on the border wall-containing tax plan, possibly bypassing the House Freedom Caucus 
  5. (3/26/2017) Priebus: Trump had no idea whatsoever that Judge Pirro was going to say all of those nasty things about Paul Ryan when he urged everyone to watch her show on Saturday 
  6. (3/29/2017) How Reince Priebus is handling being one of the top White House yes-men. Says Priebus, well, I find myself saying "oh you're serious" a lot whenever President Trump says something 

Stephen MillerEdit

Assistant to the President

  1. Which is more frightening, the possibility that Sessions used Bannon and Miller to become Attorney General, or the possibility that Bannon and Miller used Attorney General Sessions to become co-Presidents?
  2. Who is Stephen Miller, 31 year old senior white house advisor? You mean, besides the next guy to resign because he talked to Russia and lied about it?

Roger StoneEdit

Top. Advisor.

  1. Roger Stone repeatedly opens mouth, inserts foot on Twitter
    1. Top advisor to Donald Trump, Roger Stone, throws his own twitter tantrum, calling JK Rowling a hypocrite, a feminist an ignorant stupid ugly b*tch, then goes on to admit working with Wikileaks and the Russians, then deletes all of the above posts
  2. Nothing to see here -- just Trump associates directly communicating with Russian hackers mere weeks before the DNC was hacked
  3. Top level Publican fixer, Roger Stone, only had "banal" chats with Guccifer 2.0, the Russian hacker elite. They discussed the weather and Knicks prospects. Yeah, and Subby is just using the giggity tag because there is no Patriot tag
  4. Adorable Trump operative Roger Stone thinks he's important enough to be targeted for assassination
  5. Trump allies Roger Stone and Paul Manafort both wanted for questioning in Russia investigations
  6. (3/24/2017) After CNN reports that Trump aides are being investigated by the FBI for collusion with Russia, Roger Stone sends a ranting letter saying he was defamed and will "spank" his accusers "like little children". Difficulty: he wasn't named in the report 
  7. (3/24/2017) Carter, Stone, and Page all offer to testify. Oh and Comey showed up the the WH just now and no one knows why 
  8. (3/30/2017) The BBC is reporting that a key claim in the Harde Steele Dossier is true 

Sebastian v. GorkaEdit

Deputy assistant to President, counter-terrorism advisor

  1. Well of course Trump's counterterrorism expert is a member of a Nazi group

Peter TheilEdit

Advisor to the President

  1. Oh, so THAT'S why Peter Thiel supports Donald Trump (Spoiler: it's money.)

Carter PageEdit

American oil industry consultant, foreign policy advisor

  1. Former Trump advisor Carter Page also met with the Russian, forcing us to conclude that the entire Trump campaign was doing shots of vodka and planning to invade Finland
  2. Trump Campaign Knew
  3. KellyAnne Conway: Donald Trump doesn't know who Carter Page is
  4. (3/24/2017) Carter, Stone, and Page all offer to testify. Oh and Comey showed up the the WH just now and no one knows why 

Michael CohenEdit

President's personal lawyer

    1. Trump attorney challenges Scarborough to prove Trump team is behind tax leak, because proof is something everyone else has to provide

Jerry FalwellEdit

higher education reform task force

Pat RobertsonEdit

Advisor to the President in hate-related matters

  1. (3/30/2017) Hate muppet Pat Robertson claims God used Trump to "spare us from the chaos of Muslim immigration" 

Rudy GiulianiEdit

former NYC mayor, drag performer, "terrorism" "expert"

  1. (3/24/2017) Hey, remember Rudy Giuliani? His comments about Russia hacks and whatnot? Whatever happened to him? 

Pat BuchananEdit

Oval Office groupie

  1. "It doesn't get any better than this," says quivering mound of hate jello Pat Buchanan, who gleefully revels in Donald Trump's reshaping of the Republican party

Richard SpencerEdit

Whiteness Advisor

  1. NOT NEWS: Punch-magnet white supremacist shames welfare. NEWS: Wearing bootstraps funded by millions in government subsidies. FARK: Paid to his family-owned cotton farm in Louisiana
  2. Georgia nonprofit was duped into unwittingly giving white supremacist Richard Spencer $25,000 after an anonymous donor gifted them the money with specific instructions

Supreme Court Nominee Neil GorsuchEdit

  1. Democrats paralyzed as Gorsuch skates. To be fair, his Biellmann spin and stag jump combo earned him a 10.0 from the Ecuadorian judges
  2. If Neil Gorsuch isn't a legitimate SCOTUS judge, then I understand the Senate has ways of shutting that down
  3. GOP Senators ask Judge Gorsuch the probing questions: "What's the answer to life, the universe, and everything?" and "Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?" Hey, I thought there wasn't going to be a litmus test
  4. Gorsuch believes it is improper to state opinions about historic cases. A SCOTUS appointee with no opinion or regard for precedent? The perfect candidate
  5. Unanimous Supreme Court overturns a Gorsuch decision ... in the middle of his confirmation hearing
    1. 'The SCOTUS bladder is something the whole country stands in awe of'
  6. Supreme Court Nominee thinks you should die to protect your company's property, no word on if he thinks the company owes you a funeral or if they can sue your spouse for cleaning up after your corpse
  7. (3/23/2017) Arizona Senator Jeff Flake asks Neil Gorsuch if he would rather fight "one horse- sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses." At least that explains how the Senator ended up with his last name 
  8. (3/23/2017) Sen. Chuck Schumer: "Eight is enough" 
  9. (3/24/2017) Could be when conservatives finally wake up about their Supreme Court pick Justice Neil Gorsuch, he might just become their worst nightmare 
  10. (3/25/2017) Lindsey Graham holds a town hall in deep red South Carolina to say he supports Judge Gorsuch's nomination to the Supreme Court. Let's check in to see how it goes. Ohlawdy.jpg 
  11. (3/29/2017) GOP: Either Gorsuch or Gohome 
  12. (3/29/2017) "No matter who's in power" only applies when Democrats have it 
  13. (3/30/2017) How many days does it take for Democratic Senator spines to crack and disintegrate into dust? Ah-one... ah-ha two.... ahhhh three. Three 
  14. (3/30/2017) Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) can't decide if she'd rather lose her seat in a general election, or a primary 
  15. (3/30/2017) GOP calls potential Gorsuch filibuster by Democrats "unprecedented". Merrick Garland unavailable for comment 
  16. (3/30/2017) First two Democratic Senators choose to be primaried next year, drag the Overton Window further rightward 
  17. (3/31/2017) Senator Richard Blumenthal will cast a no vote in confirming Gorsuch 

Sean SpicerEdit

White House Press Secretary

  1. That time Sean Spicer was the White House Easter Bunny
  2. Democrats want Sessions to recuse himself. Republicans want Sessions to recuse himself. Sessions is open to recusing himself. So naturally, Sean Spicer thinks you're all bunch of god damned idiot partisan liberals who just hate Trump and America
  3. Spicey is almost as good at Twitter as his boss
  4. Trump policy on recreational weed seen as major buzzkill, logistical nightmare
  5. Watch Spicer get his wires tapped by the press corps at 1:30 EST(audio only today)
  6. Spicer will be live on video for his press conference today, this is apparently news as it is not a gaggle nor is it audio only as yesterday's press thing was
  7. 8 tricks for defending Trump on the left. More tricks on the right
  8. Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm
  9. Spicer: "Obama tapped a Fox reporter's phone." Fox reporter: "No, he didn't" Spicer lackey: "There are multiple reports that Obama tapped a Fox reporter's phone"
  10. Trumpy Spice: "Every member of the House and Senate will be able to have their opportunity to have amendments (on TrumpCare) offered through the committee process and on the floor," GOP Leadership: The Hell you say
  11. Spicy talks about how the giant tax breaks for rich people and higher insurance premiums are good, OK? But you people keep writing your stories to make us look bad
  12. White House spokesperson: Trump doesn't know a damn thing
    1. The master of understatement Shepard Smith finally snaps on the latest Michael Flynn collusion revelations, barks "There's been a lot of lying." It's just some light treason, right?
  13. I knew it. Sean Spicer is being held hostage against his will. After all, nobody could say all those ridiculous things and actually mean them
  14. Virtually the entire White House tweets about February's job stats, minutes after the official numbers are released. This is in direct violation of Statistical Policy Directive Number 3, which prohibits Federal employees from doing so
  15. WH: It's fine, just fine, nothing to see here. There are no investigations targeting the President, and if there were, we cannot comment on on-going investigations anyway. So there. Nailed it
  16. Spicer will finally reveal the wiretapping evidence against Obama- or implode. (Live at 1ish EST)
    1. Trump 'doesn't really think' Obama personally tapped his phone. Last five words completely unnecessary
  17. The Left's version of O'keefe is low energy, didn't even dress up for this, sad
  18. Spicer Says: Trump wants the White House Press pool to decide where he donates his salary. I'm pretty sure they all read Fark so let's give them some suggestions
  19. NBC Reporter: "Can we trust that what the President says is real?" Bullshiat Spice: "If he's not joking, of course"
  20. Welcome to Politics 2017 - The Year of the Walk Back
  21. We all hate getting dressed for work on a Monday, but it seems Sean Spicer didn't even want to try
  22. Sean Spicer seemed shocked to hear Jim Acosta say poor people existed; he just thought it was a myth like Star Wars or Hillary Clinton having people murdered
  23. Trump is planning on cutting the NWS, EPA, Medicare and Medicaid, but you can bet your tax dollars he's going back to Mar-a-Lago this weekend
  24. Enjoy Sean Spicer's latest Melissa McCarthy impersonation
  25. White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation"
  26. Sean Spicer is increasingly becoming like one of those robots in a logic puzzle: You can NEVER admit your Boss lies, But your Boss NEVER tells the Truth, and you have to explain what he really means
  27. Trump treats his staff as horribly as he treats everyone else. Film at 11
  28. Sean Spicer wears a green tie for St. Patrick's day. Green screen hilarity ensues
  29. Don Lemon summarizes Bullshiat Spice's latest word salad by comparing it to Billy Madison. Does he have a Fark handle?
  30. Spicer going out live at 1:30 for the "NO YOU" counterpunch against Comey on The Hill
  31. By order of Secretary Spicer, Paul Manafort is/was no longer the former Chairman of the Trump campaign but "Someone who played a very limited role for a very limited time". Please consign all non-conforming information to the nearest Memory Hole
  32. Your SpicerFact for 3/20/17: Trump golfing is better than Obama golfing because Trump uses golf to solve the world's problems
    1. CNN political commentator says "Sean Spicer doesn't believe Sean Spicer at this point". Well, duh - that Ghostbusters remake was an atrocity
  33. So, will Spicer manage to spin so much he corkscrews into the bedrock? It's the daily White House press briefing - live at 2:15ish EDT
  34. Bullshiat Spice: Come on guys, obviously the President was having some fun with recalcitrant GOP members who refuse to back Health Care bill, he wasn't actually threatening them...no, really. Trust him
  35. Will Spiceweasel throw Paul under the bus? Will Sean create an alternate reality where Trump is a Democrat so therefore the Democrats are working with Russia? Better man a fort, THIS is your Sean Spiceweasel's daily press briefing. (starts 1:30ET)
  36. Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him
  37. (3/23/2017) Melissa McCarthy is watching Sean Spicer pontificate 
  38. (3/23/2017) It's time for the daily disaster that is Spicey's Spintime. White House Press Briefing starts at 1:30... or whenever Bullshiat Spice decides to show up Live thread
  39. (3/23/2017) VERY belatedly, CNN suddenly remember what the middle "N" in their name stands for, and start acting like actual journalists, deploying a split screen to debunk Idiot Spice's lies in real time as they televise his press briefings 
  40. (3/24/2017) SpiceWeasel briefing time. Is today the day he loses it? Place your bets 
  41. (3/27/2017) Will Spiceweasel mention Kushner? Will he finally go Budd Dwyer? Will he laugh as he finally gives into the insanity of the White House? THIS is your Spiceweasel Monday press briefing. (1:30PM start time) Live thread
  42. (3/27/2017) Will Spiceweasel mention Kushner? Will he finally go Budd Dwyer? Will he laugh as he finally gives into the insanity of the White House? THIS is your Spiceweasel Monday press briefing. (1:30PM start time) Live thread
  43. (3/28/2017) Spiceweasel: Look, if Nunes told someone, since he has clearance and is the head of the House Intelligence Committee, then he's probably authorized to share that info, even to someone without clearance 
  44. (3/28/2017) Will Spiceweasel have a surprise guest appearance to announce the banning of the environment? Will he say the Trump was only sorta lying, the best kind of lying? Will this ever stop being sad? THIS is your WH Press Briefing thread (1PM start time) Live thread
  45. (3/28/2017) Angry Spice is out in force today yelling at everyone and crushing them with his motorized podium 
  46. (3/28/2017) Spicer says it's 100% false that the White House tried to stop Yates from testifying, which means they TOTALLY tried to do that 
  47. (3/29/2017) Shouty Spice proves he's bad at analogies by saying if Trump uses "Russian dressing on his salad" that's a Russia connection 
    1. (3/29/2017) Spicer astonished people are upset about how he treated April Ryan, noting that he acts like an asshole to everybody 
  48. (3/29/2017) "The White House is frustrated like we've never seen before," says reporter after her tiff with Shouty Spice 
  49. (3/29/2017) Will Spiceweasel bite the head off a live reporter? Will chaos reign supreme? Will somebody ask about those damn emails? THIS is your daily Spiceweasel White House Press Briefing. (Start time is noon) Live thread
  50. (3/30/2017) Will Spiceweasel claim the Senate Intelligence hearing was "Phenomenal"? Will April tear him a new one? Will he finally start beating reporters for questioning his authority? THIS is your Spiceweasel White House Press Briefing (1:30pm start time) Live thread
  51. (3/30/2017) Spiceweasel says "obviously we don't want a government shutdown over spending cuts". Most likely because they are concerned it would become too obvious that there isn't much of a difference anymore 
  52. (3/31/2017) Will Spiceweasel tell us Flynn is part of a deep state conspiracy to get our phenomenal, precious bodily fluids? Will *he* flip on Trump too? Can anyone contain the utter chaos of it all? THIS is your Friday News Dump WH Press Briefing (1pm start) Live thread

Mike DubkeEdit

Communications Director

Kellyanne ConwayEdit

Counselor to the President

  1. So Trump's lawyers took Conway's illegal plugging of Ivanka's shiat a bit more seriously than Trump did
  2. Survivor of the Bowling Green Massacre who lost both her legs responds to powerful photo showing her perched on the Oval Office couch
  3. Kellyanne Conway to be suspended without pay for plugging Ivanka's clothing line and if you believed that for even a moment you really haven't been paying attention
  4. 8 tricks for defending Trump on the left. More tricks on the right
  5. President Trump: Our wonderful new Healthcare Bill is now out for review and negotiation. Kellyanne Conway: TrumpCare? Oh, hell to the no
    1. The Uber-conservative National Review "If you want to see political malpractice in action, you don't have to read Donald Trump's latest tweet - just look at the mess Republicans have made of replacing Obamacare"
  6. White House: Ethics laws do not apply to the executive branch. U.S. Ethics official: Um, yes they do, dumb asses
  7. Human-pug hybrid Kellyanne Conway pulls another alternative fact out of her rectum, says the Trump campaign was monitored in other ways
    1. Small appliance expert Kellyanne Conway says she's not sure what was used to spy on Trump campaign, because she's "not inspector Gadget." Yes, that was a quote
  8. What's surrounded by fur and has a foul wind blowing out of its hole?
  9. Alternative Facts v2.0 is live. I'm pissed because there are no new features, just word-play tweaks and balancing. Definitely not buying the expansion when it comes out
  10. Kellyanne's husband picked to lead the civil division of the DOJ. Fun fact that certainly won't come back to haunt him? He was part of the legal team for Paula Jones that established you can sue sitting U.S. presidents
  11. Mike Pence to get "World's 2nd Best Boss" mug
  12. Kellyanne Conway has paid for abortions. To be fair, you can't always get one for free when you really need to be rejuvenated by the fresh soul of a dead baby
  13. The internet is forever, and things you post can come back to haunt you later. Isn't that right, Mrs. Kellyanne "Ha, ha, you're being investigated by the FBI" Conway?
  14. KellyAnne Conway: Donald Trump doesn't know who Carter Page is
  15. (3/27/2017) You will never be able to unsee Sir Patrick "Kellyanne Conway" Stewart in drag 
  16. (3/30/2017) Apparently, Kellyanne Conway can't even receive an award without causing an ethics controversy 👑

Sarah Huckabee SandersEdit

White House deputy press secretary

  1. Spicer: "Obama tapped a Fox reporter's phone." Fox reporter: "No, he didn't" Spicer lackey: "There are multiple reports that Obama tapped a Fox reporter's phone"

Mike HuckabeeEdit

former governor of Arkansas

  1. (3/30/2017) Mike Huckabee caught on tape making assumptions on Lindsey Graham's sexuality 

Boris EpshteynEdit

Commissar for Media Relations

  1. (March, 2017) The guy in charge of getting Trump surrogates interviewed by the various news outlets is so bad at his job that he recently got into a screaming match with the booker from FOX NEWS 
  2. (3/26/2017) Dear Mister Trump, please excuse Boris from work, indefinitely. -Epshteyn's mother 

Michael Flynn (ret.)Edit

former National Security Adviser

  1. NEW BOMBSHELL: Jared Kushner and Mike Flynn met with the Russians in December
  2. Michael Flynn was a paid lobbyist for a pro Turkish group while working as an advisor for Trump both before and after Trump's election, but it's OK , he's going to "retroactively" file as a foreign agent
  3. White House spokesperson: Trump doesn't know a damn thing
    1. The master of understatement Shepard Smith finally snaps on the latest Michael Flynn collusion revelations, barks "There's been a lot of lying." It's just some light treason, right?
  4. Mike Pence: "I had no knowledge that Michael Flynn was working as a paid lobbyist during the campaign" Elijah Cummings: " Here's the letter I sent you on Nov. 18 warning that Flynn was a paid lobbyist" Pence: "Can I get a smoke bomb over here?"
  5. RT thought Michael Flynn was worth paying $45K to speak in Moscow. This means something, right?
    1. If you're gonna sell out your country to the Russians, at least do it for more than a lousy $68k
  6. Rep Trey Gowdy attempts a high profile "But what about..." during the Comey hearing, but doesn't quite stick the landing
  7. (3/24/2017) Cummings and Chaffetz request Michael Flynn documents from White Hous-Oh shucks, seems they all fell into one of the several fireplaces in the White House. Wet floors will do that, ya know 
  8. (3/25/2017) CNN analyst says the FBI has flipped Michael Flynn in a deal to implicate others in the Trump administration for colluding with Russia 
  9. (3/26/2017) Trump's supermarket mouthpiece, The National Enquirer, has branded disgraced General Michael Flynn a Russian Spy. The End Is Nigh 
  10. (3/30/2017) Flynn offers to testify in exchange for Immunity, Jeff Bridges giving him back that arcade 
    1. (3/31/2017) Trump praises Mike Flynn for seeking immunity after watching Fox & Friends. I guess the segment didn't tell Trump who Flynn will be testifying against 
      1. (3/31/2017) Jayson Chaffetz has rare moment of clarity, points out that Donnie needs to STFU about Flynn's request for immunity. Things to return to normal in Jason's head in 3, 2, 1 
      2. (3/31/2017) How to make Trump rage-quit an exec order signing ceremony. Step 1: have CBS' Major Garrett ask a question about Michael Flynn (skip video to 42:30) 
    2. (3/31/2017) Senate Intelligence Committee to Mike Flynn: NO IMMUNITY FOR YOU 
    3. (3/31/2017) The five biggest moments in the downfall of Michael Flynn, who proved Sally Yates correct 


H.R. McMasterEdit

National Security Advisor

  1. McMaster to NSC: You know what, it'll be like that Flynn guy never happened
  2. Trump proves he is that boss who, even when he accidentally hires someone who might be good at their job, manages to screw it up by meddling and micromanaging. Unfortunately, he does this with national security, too

Ezra Cohen-WatnickEdit

Senior director for intelligence programs, National Security Council'

  1. Trump proves he is that boss who, even when he accidentally hires someone who might be good at their job, manages to screw it up by meddling and micromanaging. Unfortunately, he does this with national security, too
  2. (3/30/2017) Two aides have hit the Nunes Tower. Oh the hilarity 

Michael EllisEdit

Deputy National Security Council Legal Advisor; former counsel for House Intelligence Committee

  1. (3/30/2017) Two aides have hit the Nunes Tower. Oh the hilarity 

Robert MercerEdit

billionaire, donor

  1. News: Turns out Conservatives were right, there is a mysterious billionaire spending millions around the world to implement his nefarious agenda. Fark: He is also conservative and had a hand in Brexit and Trump's victory

Paul ManafortEdit

former Chairman of the Trump campaign Someone who played a very limited role for a very limited time

  1. By order of Secretary Spicer, Paul Manafort is/was no longer the former Chairman of the Trump campaign but "Someone who played a very limited role for a very limited time". Please consign all non-conforming information to the nearest Memory Hole
  2. Paul Manafort's protégé? Russian collaborator
  3. Paul Manafort's daughter sends out text message bragging about the people her father had killed
  4. For SOME reason the US government isn't responding to Ukraine's requests to interview Paul Manafort in connection to a corruption investigation. Gee, I wonder why that is
    1. Trump allies Roger Stone and Paul Manafort both wanted for questioning in Russia investigations
  5. New documents show that former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort laundered payments from pro-Putin Ukrainian party. Dripski. Dripski. Dripski
  6. Minor unpaid Trump volunteer Paul Manafort was paid millions to push pro-Putin policy in US and Europe for the last decade
  7. Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President
    1. Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him
    2. (3/23/2017) "Paul Manafort may be 'gone' but his business associate, Rick Gates, is still deep within the Trump operation." Wait, who the hell is Rick Gates? Goddammit, the Washington Post needs to hand out scorecards so we know who's who in this saga 
    3. (3/23/2017) Manafort V3.0: Going from campaign manager, to "played a very limited role for a very limited time", to "Really guys, he wasn't even here long enough for us to check his references" 
  8. (3/23/2017) US Treasury Department added to the list of government agencies now looking into the financial history of former Trump junior assistant mail clerk Paul Manafort 
  9. (3/29/2017) Get your fainting couch, but that Manafort fella *might* have been using 15 different Cyprus bank accounts and 10 front companies to launder money out of Russia 

Stefan PassantinoEdit

White House ethics lawyer

  1. So Trump's lawyers took Conway's illegal plugging of Ivanka's shiat a bit more seriously than Trump did

David ApolEdit

Top. Lawyer. Office of Government Ethics

  1. So Trump's lawyers took Conway's illegal plugging of Ivanka's shiat a bit more seriously than Trump did

Walter ShaubEdit

Director, Office of Government Ethics

  1. So Trump's lawyers took Conway's illegal plugging of Ivanka's shiat a bit more seriously than Trump did
  2. White House: Ethics laws do not apply to the executive branch. U.S. Ethics official: Um, yes they do, dumb asses

Frank GaffneyEdit

director, Center for Security Policy, his tiny think tank

  1. Turns out the best way to radicalize people is to strip them of their nationality. Not that this administration would know or anything

Corey LewandowskiEdit

former campaign chief, current lobbyist

  1. Trump campaign chief turned Lobbyist Corey Lewandowski is raising money for a PAC designed to help "drain the swamp" and fight corruption in Washington. Man, who would've expected him to turn on his former boss like that?

Nigel FarageEdit

leader of the UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party)

  1. (3/28/2017) Trump's total failure as a statesman is highlighted as members of the GOP bring Putin's advance man Nigel Farage to the United States with plot to split California in half by applying his best Leland Gaunt impression 


See AlsoEdit

External LinksEdit



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