FANDOM


This is an archive of Drumpfster Fire Agencies Fark threads for the month of April, 2017
Click this link for the current month, or here for the rest of the archive.

GeneralEdit

  1. (4/6/2017) And at the end of the first inning, the Swamp is up, 1 to nothing Template:N00b
  2. (4/10/2017) When Trump or his allies says someone is "good people," they are usually bad people 
  3. (4/12/2017) Mick Mulvaney: Okay, okay. Maybe we were too hard on you agencies. How about we let up on this hiring freeze, okay? Oh and we're still gutting almost all of your budgets. Have a good one 
  4. (4/16/2017) To be clear, Trump never said where he was going to drain the swamp to ... though the drainpipes all seem to end up in the White House, for some odd reason Template:ConfltTemplate:Gopgov

Open Position(s)Edit

  1. (4/11/2017) Trump administration STILL has hundreds of unfilled positions because of backbiting, inexperience, and sheer exhaustion from being overworked. But don't worry, these guys will do great in an emergency Template:Micro
  2. (4/18/2017) Come for the upcoming incompetence crisis, stay for the writer's break down as of April 7, 2017, only 22 of 553 positions requiring Senate confirmation have been filled
  3. (4/21/2017) This might shock you, but in Trump's White House there is no clear chain of command as no one knows who's really in charge Template:Gopgov

Assistant Secretary of State for Diplomatic SecurityEdit

  1. (4/18/2017) Given the GOP's criticism of Hillary Clinton over the lax security at Benghazi, which resulted in the death of 4 Americans, you would think the first thing Trump would have done was appoint an official to oversee diplomatic security. You would think Template:Dip๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ‘Œ

CIA White House LiasonEdit

  1. (4/22/2017) The CIA liaison to the White House was fired for doing his job well Template:DripTemplate:Oc1.0


NomineesEdit

former Rep. Scott Garrett (R NJ 5th)Edit

nominee, Chairman and President of Export-Import Bank

  • co-founded House Freedom Caucus, twice voted against reauthorizing the bank while in Congress
  1. (4/15/2017) Wednesday Trump: Export-Import Bank is bad for America. Thursday Trump: Export-Import Bank is good for America. Friday Trump: Let me nominate an Export-Import Bank hater to run the Export-Import Bank Template:GopmpTemplate:Fox

former Rep. Spencer T. Bachus III (R AL 6th)Edit

nominee for Board of Directors of Export-Import Bank

  • former former chairman (2011โ€“2013), House Financial Services Committee
  1. (4/15/2017) Wednesday Trump: Export-Import Bank is bad for America. Thursday Trump: Export-Import Bank is good for America. Friday Trump: Let me nominate an Export-Import Bank hater to run the Export-Import Bank Template:GopmpTemplate:Fox

Dr. Scott GottleibEdit

nominee, director of Food and Drug Administration

George ConwayEdit

nominee, director of Department of Justice, Civil Division

Alexander AcostaEdit

nominee Secretary of Labor

Jay ClaytonEdit

nominee, Chairman of Securities and Exchange Commission

Dr. Heather WilsonEdit

nominee, Secretary of the Air Force

Scott BrownEdit

former nude model, for US Ambassador to New Zealand

  1. (4/20/2017) Trump to nominate former Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown as ambassador to Middle-Earth Template:Nz

Todd RickettsEdit

Chicago Cubs board member, for Deputy Commerce Secretary

  1. (4/20/2017) Trump's deputy commerce secretary pick withdraws his name from consideration Template:Confl

Rod RosensteinEdit

former US Attorney for the District of Maryland, for Deputy Attorney General

  1. (4/27/2017) Jeff Sessions' new deputy isn't a malicious bigot Template:Drugw


New HiresEdit

do not require Senate confirmation

Director of the Selective Service SystemEdit

former state senator Don Benton (R, WA, 17th)

  1. (4/14/2017) The EPA won't have him because he's farking nuts. He's never worn a uniform. But he was an early Trump supporter, so, hey, let's make him the head of *spins wheel* the Selective Service System Template:Qpq

Deputy Assistant Secretary, Office for Civil RightsEdit

Candice Jackson, nominee

  1. (4/15/2017) So the head of DeVos' Office of Civil Rights is a white supremacist ๐Ÿ‘Template:Fox๐Ÿ™‰


Department of Homeland SecurityEdit

  1. (4/6/2017) The Trump administration is all for unmasking when it comes to twitter accounts critical of the president Twitter v. Department of Homeland Security, et al., filed in US District Court, Northern District of California, 3:17-cv-01916Template:Rogue
    1. (4/8/2017) Gov't: "On second thought, maybe we don't need to know this information after all." Twitter: "Yeah, that's what we thought. Now go run along and play with your toys like a good boy" 
  2. (4/6/2017) Weapons of mass destruction, MIT, mental breakdown, Walther P22, silencer, obliterated serial number, Scientology, Las Vegas, Mork 40-year old MIT grad, Nicolai Howard Mork, arrested in Las Vegas๐Ÿš“
  3. (4/5/2017) Welcome to America, now give me all your social media accounts and passwords Template:Alien
  4. (4/13/2017) Trump creating army of federal shock troops to patrol the country demanding citizenship papers from all sufficiently brown people. But don't worry, this is all just campaign talk DHSโ€™s acting spokeswoman called the papers โ€œpre-decisional documentsโ€
    1. (4/14/2017) Trump: Your kids just aren't worth it 
  5. (4/19/2017) USA Today: Poor, struggling young DREAMer who just wanted to go out on a date with his girlfriend is deported. Reality: 23-year-old apprehended by Border Patrol after illegally entering U.S. by climbing over border fence is deported Juan Manuel Montes Bojorquez renewed his status, DHS checked, found that they erred, still deported him Template:Deport

Director of Homeland SecurityEdit

  1. (4/19/2017) Homeland Security wants to further crater the US tourism industry while making it harder for Americans to travel through Europe ๐Ÿ˜›Template:Ref
  2. (4/18/2017) "Let me be clear about marijuana. It is a potentially dangerous gateway drug that frequently leads to the use of harder drugs." Oh, jeez, this shiat again? "ICE will continue to use marijuana possession, distribution and convictions as essential elements as they build their deportation removal apprehension packages"๐Ÿš“
  3. (4/23/2017) Trump: Someday, at a later date, not today but in the future, possibly the near future but maybe a little further, we can't know for sure, Mexico will pay--possibly with money but perhaps something else like wampum or donkeys or mohair--for the wall Template:Weak
    1. (4/23/2017) Trump's Homeland Security director John Kelly admits he doesn't have a clue how to stop domestic terrorists โ”

ICEEdit

  1. (4/6/2017) Nunca pensรฉ que los leopardos comerรญan MI cara ๐Ÿ†Template:Deport
  2. (4/6/2017) ICE arrests 82 people, not the cleaning lady and landscaper kind, the Group W bench kind in Virginia, DCTemplate:Sweep๐Ÿš“
  3. (4/13/2017) Trump creating army of federal shock troops to patrol the country demanding citizenship papers from all sufficiently brown people. But don't worry, this is all just campaign talk DHSโ€™s acting spokeswoman called the papers โ€œpre-decisional documentsโ€
    1. (4/14/2017) Trump: Your kids just aren't worth it 
  4. (4/19/2017) MSNBC airs live segment where they traveled with an ICE agent to capture an illegal immigrant leaving his home MSNBC's Hallie Jackson in studio; NBC's Gadi Schwartz, embedded with ICE agents
  5. (4/18/2017) "Let me be clear about marijuana. It is a potentially dangerous gateway drug that frequently leads to the use of harder drugs." Oh, jeez, this shiat again? "ICE will continue to use marijuana possession, distribution and convictions as essential elements as they build their deportation removal apprehension packages"๐Ÿš“

VOICEEdit

Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement Office

  1. (4/27/2017) Trump creates a new hotline to report crimes committed by aliens. The internet responds 1-855-48-VOICE (86423)

Acting Director of ICEEdit

CBPEdit

Customs and Border Protection

  1. (4/6/2017) The Trump administration is all for unmasking when it comes to twitter accounts critical of the president Twitter v. Department of Homeland Security, et al., filed in US District Court, Northern District of California, 3:17-cv-01916Template:Rogue
    1. (4/8/2017) Gov't: "On second thought, maybe we don't need to know this information after all." Twitter: "Yeah, that's what we thought. Now go run along and play with your toys like a good boy" 
  2. (4/13/2017) Trump creating army of federal shock troops to patrol the country demanding citizenship papers from all sufficiently brown people. But don't worry, this is all just campaign talk DHSโ€™s acting spokeswoman called the papers โ€œpre-decisional documentsโ€
    1. (4/14/2017) Trump: Your kids just aren't worth it 

USCISEdit

US Citizenship and Immigration Services

  1. (4/6/2017) The Trump administration is all for unmasking when it comes to twitter accounts critical of the president Twitter v. Department of Homeland Security, et al., filed in US District Court, Northern District of California, 3:17-cv-01916Template:Rogue
    1. (4/8/2017) Gov't: "On second thought, maybe we don't need to know this information after all." Twitter: "Yeah, that's what we thought. Now go run along and play with your toys like a good boy" 

Secret ServiceEdit

  1. (4/6/2017) Secret Service agent on Pence's detail caught meeting hooker. Oh mother ๐Ÿ‘™
  2. (4/7/2017) Trump's extended family is running the Secret Service ragged, which of course means using up more taxpayer money for the least good of all reasons: worrying about the safety of the Washington Trumpbillys 
  3. (4/10/2017) Trump's personal helicopter landing at Mar-a-Lago raises questions. Fark: by Fox News 
  4. (4/19/2017) 'Trump must hang Fresno State University lecturer on leave.' Wait, make that 'Trump must hang' Fresno State University lecturer on leave. Either way, we're gonna have a lot of fun, huh? Well, is he wrong? Or do traitors get to choose the method?Template:Trait
  5. (4/27/2017) President Trump's twitter tirades create and secure jobs...for Secret Service agents having to investigate the flood of tweeted threats from Americans he gets in response ๐Ÿ’ฃTemplate:White

Workers and Visitors Entry SystemEdit

  1. (4/14/2017) Hidden.gov [jwatchwavesdccironpn.pdf Judicial Watch v. Secret Service, decided August 30, 2013, opinion by Chief Judge Merrick Garland, U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit] that some White House records are not subject to FOIA therefore can be kept secretโšช

TSAEdit

Transportation Security Administration

  1. (4/6/2017) For a brief window of time, the TSA website wrongly informed air travelers that it was OK to bring medical marijuana onto planes 

Coast GuardEdit

  1. (4/20/2017) Couple accused of having sex on the beach in front of Trump's Mar-A-Lago resort Coast Guard spotted found Chloe Exiner, 20 of Illinois on top of Daniel Dolan, 19, of Pennsylvania behind a tree on Bingham Island, Palm Beach "bouncing up and down in a lewd and sexual manner"๐Ÿ‘™

NORADEdit

North American Aerospace Defense Command

  1. (4/21/2017) Putin now providing daily reminder to Trump of America's current status as "Russia's biatch" โ›ท


Department of DefenseEdit

(or Pentagon)

  1. (4/7/2017) Is the F-35 a trillion dollar mistake? Nah, try multi-trillion dollar mistake by the time it's all fixed Template:Micx
  2. (4/6/2017) Pentagon officials, who have clearly never watched a single episode of Star Blazers announce they are creating an assistant secretary for Space warfare position inside the USAF 's Space Command Template:Micx
  3. (4/10/2017) Russia knew about the Syrian Chemical attack in advance Unnamed senior administration officialTemplate:UssriTemplate:KshknTemplate:Proxy
  4. (4/25/2017) For some reason, the White House isn't cooperating with the Flynn investigation and is refusing to hand over requested documents ๐Ÿชโšช
    1. (4/25/2017) This is why we need an independent counsel: Even on the rare occasions that a Congressional Republican actually tries to do his Job and investigate Trump's ties to Russia, the White House just tells them to pound sand "It is unclear how such documents would be relevant to the stated purpose of the committee's review, which according to your letter is to examine Lt. Gen. Flynn's disclosure of payments related to activities that occurred in 2015 and 2016, prior to his service in the White House," Legislative affairs director Marc Short's April 19 letter sent to House Oversight Committee leadersโšช๐Ÿช

Troop DeploymentEdit

  1. (4/20/2017) Half a league onward, all in the Valley of Death rode the 300 Template:Deploy

Department of Defense Inspector GeneralEdit

  1. (4/27/2017) The Pentagon specifically warned Flynn not to become a Russian agent when he retired from the US military in 2014 the Defense Intelligence Agency warned Flynn to avoid accepting foreign payments upon retirement; Flynn is under a DoDIG investigationTemplate:Drip

Defense Intelligence AgencyEdit

  1. (4/27/2017) The Pentagon specifically warned Flynn not to become a Russian agent when he retired from the US military in 2014 the Defense Intelligence Agency warned Flynn to avoid accepting foreign payments upon retirement; Flynn is under a DoDIG investigationTemplate:Drip

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of StaffEdit

  1. (4/24/2017) Entire senate called to White House for briefing on NOKO, oh no technically a Senate briefing called by Majority Leader, McConnellTemplate:TripTemplate:Brief
    1. (4/25/2017) Senators: Yeah, Donnie, we're not gonna be part of some photo-op to make it seem like you actually accomplished something in your first 100 days the auditorium in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building was converted into a temporary SCIF (sensitive compartmented information facility) for full Senate briefing on North Korea, 4/24/2017

US Air ForceEdit

Air Force Space CommandEdit

  1. (4/25/2017) Scheduled Minuteman III launch ahead of "ridiculous" 100 day mark that Trump doesn't care about. Spicer said to be updating bullet points of accomplishments Contextual link provided by FarkerTemplate:DrumTemplate:Dick

Vandenberg Air Force BaseEdit

  1. (4/25/2017) Scheduled Minuteman III launch ahead of "ridiculous" 100 day mark that Trump doesn't care about. Spicer said to be updating bullet points of accomplishments Contextual link provided by FarkerTemplate:DrumTemplate:Dick

US NavyEdit

Carl Vinson Carrier GroupEdit

US 7th FleetEdit

  1. (4/25/2017) Scheduled Minuteman III launch ahead of "ridiculous" 100 day mark that Trump doesn't care about. Spicer said to be updating bullet points of accomplishments Contextual link provided by FarkerTemplate:DrumTemplate:Dick

USS MichiganEdit

US largest nuclear submarine

  1. (4/25/2017) President Baby Trump brings his largest bathtub toy to South Korea as China agrees action MUST be taken concerning Kim Jong-un and his nuclear toys Template:EscaTemplate:Sk๐Ÿ˜›

US Strategic CommandEdit

responsible for global command and control of all phases of deployment of wartime forces under one commander, including information and intelligence as well as the US nuclear arsenal

  1. (4/6/2017) US Strategic Command, the federal agency responsible for our nuclear arsenal is now retweeting Breitbart articles. For some reason, some people have a problem with this 
    1. (4/12/2017) Stratcom tweets Breitbart story. People get upset. General wants to know why. Gizmodo gets the emails 

Secretary of DefenseEdit

  1. (4/11/2017) That attack on the Syrian airfield that was an epic failure may have actually seriously degraded Syria air power. Or not. You'd think that if Syria had lost even one plane, CNN would be all over it Template:Shayrat
  2. (4/17/2017) Tillerson and Mattis are forming the Axis of Adults in the Trump administration ๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ˜›


Department of Veterans AffairsEdit

  1. (4/20/2017) Vets group thanks Trump for fulfilling his promise to take credit for Obama era legislation Concerned Veterans for America through its Executive Director Mark LucasTemplate:VetTemplate:Goplaw


Department of JusticeEdit

  1. (4/4/2017) Sure, some police departments might be systemically corrupt, violent, and racist, but they're not OUR problem, Jeff Sessions dog whistled ๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿ‘ชTemplate:Blm
  2. (4/5/2017) Operation Burn it to the Ground progressing as planned. Thanks, Bannon ๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿ‘ชTemplate:Blm
  3. (4/6/2017) In the middle of the night Trump changes the line of succession in the DOJ to make it possible for him to appoint who will lead the investigation into his Russian affairs 
  4. (4/11/2017) US official: FBI obtained a FISA warrant on former Trump advisor Carter Page Anonymous US official
  5. (4/17/2017) Sessions trying to turn the DOJ into his own personal SS ๐Ÿ‘ช๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿš“
  6. (4/20/2017) Well it's been a month since the Friday night massacre of the Department of Justice. Let's see how well the new US attorneys are doing and...oh dear Template:Stigg
  7. (4/20/2017) President Trump loves Wikileaks so much, his Justice Department has drawn up charges against Julian Assange and wants him arrested ๐Ÿš“

Civil Rights DivisionEdit

Criminal DivisionEdit

  1. (4/10/2017) Russian cyber operative wanted in connection with US election hacks arrested in Spain Template:Ussrh

National Security Division (NSD)Edit

responsible for counterintelligence and counterterrorism investigations

  1. (4/20/2017) Sessions may have recused himself from the Russia investigation, but that hasn't stopped him from firing people that are producing results Mary B. McCord is "stepping down" as acting head of the department's national security division and leaving the federal governmentTemplate:RetireTemplate:Ussrh

Attorney GeneralEdit

  1. (4/6/2017) In the middle of the night Trump changes the line of succession in the DOJ to make it possible for him to appoint who will lead the investigation into his Russian affairs 
  2. (4/8/2017) So it's going to cost us an extra $12 million a year to protect Betsy DeVos from school children 
  3. (4/9/2017) Jeff Sessions is hoping to resurrect the War on Drugs that did so much good in the 80s and 90s Template:Drugw
  4. (4/10/2017) Judges, Lawyers, and Science community: "Maybe we should make sure these forensic techniques used to convict people are accurate?" Obama: "Great idea" AG Lynch: "Here's the committee." *Cops shift nervously* AG Sessions: "Hold my beer, I got this" National Commission on Forensic Science, chartered in 2013 by Obama๐Ÿ‘ฎTemplate:Stigg
  5. (4/13/2017) Attorney General Jeff Sessions is worried that not enough Americans are being locked up โ€œIโ€™m saying Iโ€™m getting worried weโ€™re not locking more people up.โ€๐Ÿš“๐Ÿ‘ฎ
  6. (4/13/2017) Exiled Keebler Elf and current US Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, is using his job to purge America of people who don't look like him ๐Ÿš“
  7. (4/14/2017) Retired Keebler elf Jeff Sessions is surprised that people aren't getting behind his plans to recriminalize marijuana growing, sales, possession and use 
  8. (4/17/2017) Sessions trying to turn the DOJ into his own personal SS ๐Ÿ‘ช๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿš“
  9. (4/20/2017) Sessions may have recused himself from the Russia investigation, but that hasn't stopped him from firing people that are producing results Mary B. McCord is "stepping down" as acting head of the department's national security division and leaving the federal governmentTemplate:RetireTemplate:Ussrh
  10. (4/20/2017) Failed Keebler Gnome Jeff Sessions demonstrates that he doesn't know how judicial review works or the name of Hawaii "I really am amazed that a judge sitting on an island in the Pacific can issue an order that stops the president of the United States from what appears to be clearly his statutory and constitutional power"
    1. (4/21/2017) Hawaii lawmakers would like to remind AG Sessions that they're part of the United States 
    2. (4/23/2017) Sessions complains that no one gets conservative "humor" Template:Dbag
  11. (4/20/2017) AG Jefferson Davis Beauregard Sessions III: "We Can't promise that Dreamers won't be deported" and since, grammatically, two negatives in a sentence cancel each other out, what he REALLY said was "We can promise Dreamers will be deported" ๐Ÿš“
  12. (4/21/2017) Apparently, Al Qaeda had a hub in Silicon Valley. Well, the guy who ran it just had his citizenship revoked ๐Ÿš“
  13. (4/23/2017) Trump: Someday, at a later date, not today but in the future, possibly the near future but maybe a little further, we can't know for sure, Mexico will pay--possibly with money but perhaps something else like wampum or donkeys or mohair--for the wall Template:Weak
    1. (4/24/2017) Totally not racist, and most assuredly not speaking from his rectum Attorney Jefferson Davis Beauregard III says the wall can be paid for if the Treasury cracks down on improper EITC payments since they are going to "mostly Mexicans" 
  14. (4/26/2017) Suspended Alabama Supreme Court justice to take his commandments to Washington Moore is running for Session's old seat๐Ÿ‘Ÿ
  15. (4/27/2017) Jeff Sessions' new deputy isn't a malicious bigot Template:Drugw

Deputy Attorney GeneralEdit

  1. (4/27/2017) Jeff Sessions' new deputy isn't a malicious bigot Template:Drugw

FBIEdit

Federal Bureau of Investigation

  1. (4/7/2017) The entire House Intelligence Committee was invited to attend a briefing from an FBI double agent to learn the techniques Russians use cultivate traitors. Only the democratic congressmen showed up, presumably because the GOP already knows first hand 
  2. (4/11/2017) The gains in Spain were mainly for the reign Levashov was allegedly behind Kelihos a bot that hacked information and installed malware in hundreds of thousands of computersTemplate:Ussrh
  3. (4/11/2017) US official: FBI obtained a FISA warrant on former Trump advisor Carter Page Anonymous US official
    1. (4/14/2017) Andrew Napolitano doesn't believe Carter Page is being investigated โ”
  4. (4/13/2017) Comey greenlights TV series to improve the FBI's public image. First episode to feature gripping, edge-of-your-seat tension as field agents race through Manhattan after a laptop Hillary Clinton may have once sneezed on "Inside the FBI: New York" produced by Dick Wolf and Marc Levin

Director of the FBIEdit

  1. (4/4/2017) Comey's secret Twitter is named after leftist writer who said sometimes you have to do distasteful things for moral reasons. Not sure but Comey might have been THE Bernie Bro who cost Hillary the election. Mind Blown 
  2. (4/13/2017) Trump blasts FBI's Comey for not arresting Hillary. "She's guilty of EVERY charge" In Trump World, Projection ain't the only Queen in Egypt, ya no 
  3. (4/13/2017) Comey greenlights TV series to improve the FBI's public image. First episode to feature gripping, edge-of-your-seat tension as field agents race through Manhattan after a laptop Hillary Clinton may have once sneezed on "Inside the FBI: New York" produced by Dick Wolf and Marc Levin
  4. (4/24/2017) Comey tried his best, but her emails Template:2016

US Marshals ServiceEdit

  1. (4/8/2017) So it's going to cost us an extra $12 million a year to protect Betsy DeVos from school children 

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and ExplosivesEdit

Los Angeles Field DivisionEdit

Eric Harden, special agent in charge

  1. (4/13/2017) You'd think the police would frown on illegal gun sales. Oh it IS the police. Well that's completely different ๐Ÿ‘ฎ


Department of EducationEdit

Federal Student Aid officeEdit

  1. (4/11/2017) While no one was watching, billionaire Betsy DeVos does away with Obama era Student Loan Protections. Tired of winning yet? Obama Policy Direction on Federal Student Loan Servicing that was part of the Student Aid Bill of Rights (SABOR)Template:Stigg๐ŸŽ“

Secretary of EducationEdit

  1. (4/8/2017) So it's going to cost us an extra $12 million a year to protect Betsy DeVos from school children ๐Ÿ‘‘Template:White
  2. (4/11/2017) Betsy "guns in schools" DeVos condemns the San Bernardino shooting Template:Shoot
  3. (4/11/2017) While no one was watching, billionaire Betsy DeVos does away with Obama era Student Loan Protections. Tired of winning yet? Obama Policy Direction on Federal Student Loan Servicing that was part of the Student Aid Bill of Rights (SABOR)Template:Stigg๐ŸŽ“
  4. (4/18/2017) "Secretary of Educatuon." Is our children learning? 
  5. (4/20/2017) The Koch Brothers are teaming up with Betsy DeVos to bring hate speech onto college campuses across the country ๐Ÿ™‰
  6. (4/20/2017) Donald Trump's Bible study group Ralph Drollinger, an evangelical Christian, conducts the "Capitol Ministries Cabinet Bible study"Template:Ch st

Deputy Assistant Secretary, Office for Civil RightsEdit

Candice Jackson, nominee

  1. (4/15/2017) So the head of DeVos' Office of Civil Rights is a white supremacist ๐Ÿ‘Template:Fox๐Ÿ™‰


Treasury DepartmentEdit

  1. (4/4/2017) Trump says he wants to do tax reform. Trouble is, there's nobody at Treasury to actually do it ๐Ÿ“Ž
  2. {{drumpfft|4/19/2017|9558564|"Charitably donations? We should cap those," believes Donald Trump||๐Ÿ“Ž
  3. (4/20/2017) The tax reform deadline just slipped by the GOP Template:Gopgov๐Ÿ“Ž

Financial Crimes Enforcement NetworkEdit

tracks global money laundering

  1. (4/18/2017) Trump's deep ties to organized crime 

Treasury Inspector General for Tax AdministrationEdit

  1. (4/24/2017) Totally not racist, and most assuredly not speaking from his rectum Attorney Jefferson Davis Beauregard III says the wall can be paid for if the Treasury cracks down on improper EITC payments since they are going to "mostly Mexicans" 

Treasury SecretaryEdit

  1. (4/19/2017) Exxon, which until recently was run by Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, has applied for a waiver to do business with Russia, which is currently run by Tillerson's boss applied for a Treasury Department waiver to resume work with the Russia oil giant PAO Rosneft in areas covered by sanctionsTemplate:Qpq
  2. (4/19/2017) Stop me if you've heard this one before. So a Trump cabinet secretary and a Russian billionaire walk into a business deal together ๐Ÿช
    1. (4/21/2017) Sharing 19.5% of Rosneft through shell companies has nada to do with Exxon seeking a waiver to operate in 'Crimea which formerly was separate from glorious Russia', nor other shady deals for oily comrades. Deal in darkness, light a danger, nyet? ๐Ÿช
      1. (4/21/2017) Mnuchin sprouts some mnuts, tells Exxon to go pound sand on their Russia waiver ๐Ÿช
  3. (4/20/2017) Trump's Treasury Secretary: The tax cuts we plan to offer to businesses will pay for themselves: Why are you laughing, I'm being serious, seriously โœ‚Template:Qpq
  4. (4/21/2017) Not having accomplished anything of note during his first 100 days, Trump decides to tear down what minimal reform Obama achieved via Dodd-Frank, because Fark you, that's why Template:DdfrnkTemplate:Fedreg๐Ÿ“Ž
  5. (4/25/2017) Trump wants to balloon the national debt, and the Republicans will not only rubber stamp it, they'll blame it on the Democrats...who have no actual power to do or prevent any of this shiat Template:DebtTemplate:StiggTemplate:Gopmp
  6. (4/26/2017) Wall Street makes a collective wanking motion after Trump announces his tax plan, "This was about ticking a box ahead of the first 100 days" ๐Ÿ“Ž
  7. (4/27/2017) Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin (R):"The president has given more financial disclosure than anybody else. I think the American population has plenty of information on his taxes" ๐Ÿ“Ž

IRSEdit

Internal Revenue Service

  1. (4/5/2017) After years of warning taxpayers that the IRS will never cold call you to collect a tax debt, IRS hands over its debt-collection to private companies ... who will call you Fixing Americaโ€™s Surface Transportation Act (FAST Act)(Section 32102) enacted by Congress December, 2015; Conserve, Pioneer, Performant, and CBE Group
  2. (4/17/2017) For some crazy reason that I can't quite get my finger on, undocumented workers in America are more reluctant to file their tax forms than they have been in the past 
  3. (4/17/2017) Sean Spicer: "President Trump can't show his tax returns because he is still under audit." IRS:"An audit still does not bar any U.S. taxpayer from releasing his or her tax returns" 
  4. (4/17/2017) How to evade paying your taxes forever. Difficulty: You need a small fortune and a taste for foreign food Template:Taxa


Housing and Urban DevelopmentEdit

  1. (4/3/2017) Monday's leopard menu special: housing cuts in Ohio HOME Investment Partnerships ProgramTemplate:Hoa๐Ÿ†

Community Development Block Grantย programEdit

Secretary of HUDEdit

  1. (4/20/2017) Donald Trump's Bible study group Ralph Drollinger, an evangelical Christian, conducts the "Capitol Ministries Cabinet Bible study"Template:Ch st
  2. (4/23/2017) Who could ever have imagined brain surgeon Ben Carson would be terrible at housing and urban development and no one would listen to his message of utter nonsense? 


Interior DepartmentEdit

  1. (4/10/2017) Trump's administration is going to help kill a lot of bald eagles, no not an euphemism this time Template:Stigg๐ŸบTemplate:Hunt
  2. (4/25/2017) Trump's considering expanding drilling to national monuments. There's supposed to be a real gusher under the Lincoln Memorial Template:StiggTemplate:ParkTemplate:Land

National Parks ServiceEdit

  1. (4/3/2017) Trump's donation to the National Park Service will at least keep the parks open for the people who lost their Meals On Wheels to hunt in ๐ŸŒ…

Bureau of Land ManagementEdit

  1. (4/10/2017) Trump BLM: I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part Template:Bolm

Fish & Wildlife ServiceEdit

Fish & Wildlife Service Director's Order No. 219

  1. (4/10/2017) Trump's administration is going to help kill a lot of bald eagles, no not an euphemism this time Template:Stigg๐ŸบTemplate:Hunt

Secretary of the InteriorEdit

  1. (4/10/2017) Trump's administration is going to help kill a lot of bald eagles, no not an euphemism this time Template:Stigg๐ŸบTemplate:Hunt
  2. (4/26/2017) Trump to sign EO Wednesday that is basically a gigantic FARK YOU to millions of acres of national land under Federal protection since 1996 Template:Stigg๐Ÿ†


Commerce DepartmentEdit

NOAAEdit

National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration

  1. (4/10/2017) Solar flares and not enough prayers to Jesus have destroyed the Great Barrier Reef beyond all hope of repair 

Census BureauEdit

Secretary of CommerceEdit

former chairman, Bank of Cyprus

  1. (4/18/2017) Trump's deep ties to organized crime 
  2. (4/25/2017) Conservative and Alt-right media figures say they were disappointed with their private lunch with President Trump, in no small part because he COMPLETELY failed to strangle a "liberal" with his bare hands, rip out his liver and eat in front of them Template:Trip


Department of Health and Human ServicesEdit

Food and Drug AdministrationEdit

  1. (4/4/2017) New federal rules require franchise pizza parlors to list all 34 million combinations of pizza on signage, many question whether it's really kneaded Template:Food๐Ÿ“‹

Secretary of Health and Human ServicesEdit

  1. (4/21/2017) Coincidentally, the Medical device maker that Health & Human Services secretary invested in (and has yet to divest from) stands to benefit greatly from a new Medicare payment proposal issued by his department Price owns shares in Zimmer Biomet Holdings Inc., which make parts for ankle replacement surgeries, on average 60% increase from Medicare under new proposalTemplate:Confl
  2. (4/20/2017) Donald Trump's Bible study group Ralph Drollinger, an evangelical Christian, conducts the "Capitol Ministries Cabinet Bible study"Template:Ch st

Centers for Medicare and Medicaid ServicesEdit

  1. (4/18/2017) Turns out privatizing hospital oversight was a bad idea. Who knew it wasn't so easy? to compel private health care accreditors, such as The Joint Commission (that inspect hospitals and other medical facilities, such as clinics) to publicly detail problems they find as well as the steps being taken to fix them

Medicaid AdministratorEdit

NIHEdit

National Institutes of Health

CDCEdit

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

acting Surgeon GeneralEdit

Rear Admiral Sylvia Trent-Adams, nurse and former Deputy Surgeon General

  • first non-doctor to be Surgeon General
  1. (4/22/2017) The day before the March for Science, Trump fired the surgeon general Template:Stigg

former Surgeon GeneralEdit

Dr. Vivek Murthy, still member of the Commissioned Corps of the Public Health Service ... for now

  1. (4/22/2017) The day before the March for Science, Trump fired the surgeon general Template:Stigg


Department of LaborEdit

  1. (4/7/2017) Old and busted: Trump and the GOP question the unemployment data, claim it is higher than the government wants to show. New hotness: The liberal media claims unemployment is higher than what the government claims Template:Unemp

Secretary of LaborEdit

MSHAEdit

Mining Safety and Health Administration


Department of TransportationEdit

Secretary of TransportationEdit

FAAEdit

Federal Aviation Administration


Department of AgricultureEdit

SNAPEdit

Supplimental Nutrition Assistance Program

Secretary of AgricultureEdit

  1. (4/20/2017) Donald Trump's Bible study group Ralph Drollinger, an evangelical Christian, conducts the "Capitol Ministries Cabinet Bible study"Template:Ch st


Department of EnergyEdit

  1. (4/25/2017) Trump's considering expanding drilling to national monuments. There's supposed to be a real gusher under the Lincoln Memorial Template:StiggTemplate:ParkTemplate:Land

Office of International Climate and Clean EnergyEdit

Sandia National LaboratoriesEdit

Secretary of EnergyEdit

  1. (4/5/2017) The dumbest farking human being ever just got put on the National Security Council 
  2. (4/20/2017) Donald Trump's Bible study group Ralph Drollinger, an evangelical Christian, conducts the "Capitol Ministries Cabinet Bible study"Template:Ch st


CPBEdit

Corporation for Public Broadcasting

  1. (4/5/2017) Gen. Stanley McChrystal calls picking military spending over PBS 'a false choice.' He also argues that public broadcasting makes our nation smarter, stronger and, yes, safer, perhaps unaware that this is exactly why the GOP oppose it โ‰ 

EPAEdit

  1. (4/5/2017) Trump budget slashes EPA emissions and gas mileage testing budget by 99 percent. Time to buy some VW stock 
  2. (4/14/2017) The EPA won't have him because he's farking nuts. He's never worn a uniform. But he was an early Trump supporter, so, hey, let's make him the head of *spins wheel* the Selective Service System Template:Qpq
  3. (4/21/2017) When it comes to lead water poisoning, Flint may have sparked a trend another 449 areas around the US were found with lead exposure rates double Flint'sTemplate:ToxTemplate:Goppol
  4. (4/23/2017) Trump's Earth Day message is that a weakened EPA will actually strengthen and enhance environmental protection Template:Orwellโ”

Protection Services DetailEdit

staff charged with protecting the administrator

  1. (4/12/2017) EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt wants to reassign EPA funds supposed to be invested into protecting the US environment for protecting something much more valuable instead: himself Template:Bodyg๐Ÿ‘‘Template:White

Director of the EPAEdit

  1. (4/3/2017) Today in BizarroWorld: FoxNews grills Scott Pruitt, gets him to admit climate change is caused by human activity 
  2. (4/12/2017) EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt wants to reassign EPA funds supposed to be invested into protecting the US environment for protecting something much more valuable instead: himself Template:Bodyg๐Ÿ‘‘Template:White
  3. (4/21/2017) Missouri Senator Roy Blunt (R-eefer) got baked so hard on 4/20 he a.) spent $25 on one order at Taco Bell; b.) made a bong out of his empty Just for Men tube; or c.) thought Scott Pruitt would "Look for environmental problems and solve them" Pruitt: "The EPA is no longer going to be an agency that tries to engage in power over water decisions at the state level"Template:Fedreg
  4. (4/20/2017) Donald Trump's Bible study group Ralph Drollinger, an evangelical Christian, conducts the "Capitol Ministries Cabinet Bible study"Template:Ch st


FCCEdit

Federal Communications Commission

  1. (4/3/2017) FCC decides that enforcing market competition is governmental over-reach 
  2. (4/19/2017) Republicans celebrate the death of Net Neutrality by knifing public libraries in the kidney and pushing them onto the "slow lane" tracks Template:BiblioTemplate:Public
  3. (4/20/2017) FCC continues its all-out assault on anything that even smells like consumer protection Ending broadband price capsTemplate:Fedreg

FCC ChairmanEdit

  1. (4/7/2017) And while everyone is paying attention to Syria, the head of the FCC is busily working to fast-track an end to Net Neutrality 
  2. (4/12/2017) Second rate Bond villain, FCC chairman Ajit Pai's plan to kill net neutrality will also completely destroy internet privacy. Are you tired of #winning yet? 
  3. (4/18/2017) GOP Lawmakers to FCC Chair: Look, kid, we love your ideas and like your moxie, but you're gonna have to make it a LITTLE less obvious, the FCC is now a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Telcos, a little lube goes a long way, we're just sayin' requested a ?reasonable transition period? to "enable service providers to adapt and remain viable in more markets than will occur in the event of a flash cut to new policies"Template:Gopreg
  4. (4/20/2017) Here's a full list of the accomplishments of Ajit Pai's FCC in only 90 days Template:Fedreg
  5. (4/26/2017) R.I.P. Net Neutrality: born February 26, 2015, deceased May 18, 2017 Template:Stigg
    1. (4/26/2017) Before Net Neutrality is forever destroyed, let's take a moment and tell FCC commissioner Ajit Pai just exactly how we feel Template:Pubcom

LifelineEdit

program that provides broadband internet to low income Americans in mostly rural communities

  1. (4/20/2017) Here's a full list of the accomplishments of Ajit Pai's FCC in only 90 days Template:Fedreg


The FedEdit

the Federal Reserve

  1. (4/13/2017) In 2 days, Trump has significantly changed his position on 6 major issues, simultaneously betraying the voters on whom he relied to win the White House. Flip-Floppiting Flip Flopper campaign: Fed low rates would lead to hyperinflation; now: โ€œI do like a low interest-rate policy.โ€๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ”

Fed ChairEdit

  1. (4/13/2017) In 2 days, Trump has significantly changed his position on 6 major issues, simultaneously betraying the voters on whom he relied to win the White House. Flip-Floppiting Flip Flopper campaign: Fed low rates would lead to hyperinflation; now: โ€œI do like a low interest-rate policy.โ€๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ”


GAOEdit

Government Accountability Office

  1. (4/11/2017) Not content with the FBI, Treasury, and the House and Senate intelligence committees getting in on the Russiagate action, the GAO announces their own investigation into the Trump transition 
  2. (4/14/2017) Hidden.gov [jwatchwavesdccironpn.pdf Judicial Watch v. Secret Service, decided August 30, 2013, opinion by Chief Judge Merrick Garland, U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit] that some White House records are not subject to FOIA therefore can be kept secretโšช


NASAEdit

National Aeronautics and Space Administration

  1. (4/6/2017) Russia to NASA: "Screw you guys; we're going to build our own Space Station. With hookers and the Chinese" 
  2. (4/13/2017) It turns out that Trump might have a very different plan on how to put coal miners back to work 
  3. (4/13/2017) Live NASA conference on oceans in the Solar System, hosted by that cute woman with the squeaky voice Live threadhost in headline is NASA Astrophysics Public Affairs Officer Felicia Chou
  4. (4/24/2017) Why is Ivanka needing to hold Donnie's hand when he calls the space station? Dementia or afraid he is going to sexually harass a lady astronaut? Template:Weak

National Endowment for the ArtsEdit

OMBEdit

Office of Management & Budget

  1. (4/21/2017) Not having accomplished anything of note during his first 100 days, Trump decides to tear down what minimal reform Obama achieved via Dodd-Frank, because Fark you, that's why Template:DdfrnkTemplate:Fedreg๐Ÿ“Ž

Director of the OMBEdit

  1. (4/10/2017) Mick Mulvaney: And f*ck you, and f*ck you, and f*ck you, and f-actually not you, DOD, you're cool. And f*ck you, and f*ck you, and f*ck you, and f*ck you, you, you and especially you EPA 
  2. (4/12/2017) Mick Mulvaney: Okay, okay. Maybe we were too hard on you agencies. How about we let up on this hiring freeze, okay? Oh and we're still gutting almost all of your budgets. Have a good one 
    1. (4/13/2017) US State Dept. says it will continue with hiring freeze, despite the fact that the Trump administration has lifted it. Who needs diplomats anyway? ๐Ÿ˜›
  3. (4/12/2017) The Party of Small Governmentยฎ is about to trigger a government shutdown because they're mad that local governments won't become puppets of the federal government โš 
  4. (4/12/2017) White House budget director says Trump promise to eliminate debt was just 'hyperbole.' You shouldn't take the President seriously or literally 
  5. (4/23/2017) Trump: Someday, at a later date, not today but in the future, possibly the near future but maybe a little further, we can't know for sure, Mexico will pay--possibly with money but perhaps something else like wampum or donkeys or mohair--for the wall Template:Weak
    1. (4/24/2017) Trump budget chief: Don't worry about the millions of poors who will lose healthcare after the ACA is repealed, our glorious border wall will protect them. Wait, what? โš Template:Goat


Small Business AdministrationEdit

Office of AdvocacyEdit

  • Jason Dorรฉ, assistant chief counsel for external affairs, had?/has? account on Ashley Madison
  1. (4/4/2017) "Life is short, hire someone who was outed during the Ashley Madison hack" ๐Ÿ‘™


NARAEdit

National Archives and Records Administration

  • David S. Ferriero, Archivist of the United States (chief administrator of NARA)
  1. (4/4/2017) "See kids? This is what people a hundred years ago in 2017 were like. You know...morons" 


FECEdit

Federal Election Commission

  1. (4/13/2017) FEC filing accuses Trump of receiving illegal campaign donations, being orange 
  2. (4/17/2017) You know what isn't complicated? Money laundering Template:Laund
  3. (4/20/2017) Trump's Inaugural Committee paperwork received large donations from non-existent addresses. Feel ambitious? campfin{{}}
    1. (4/25/2017) Those apparently non-existent donors and fake addresses that appear in the Trump Inauguration Committee FEC filing? Just 'Technical glitches" and they'll file an amended report just as soon as they get the list faked...er, they mean FIXED, fixed up 


Export-Import BankEdit

  1. (4/13/2017) In 2 days, Trump has significantly changed his position on 6 major issues, simultaneously betraying the voters on whom he relied to win the White House. Flip-Floppiting Flip Flopper campaign: Export-Import Bank is unnecessary; now: supports the Export-Import Bank๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ”
  2. (4/14/2017) "Trump was against _______ until _____ explained to him what it does". Episode 53: The Import-Export Bank 


Selective Service SystemEdit

Director of Selective Service SystemEdit

Selective Service System operates the US military draft

  1. (4/14/2017) The EPA won't have him because he's farking nuts. He's never worn a uniform. But he was an early Trump supporter, so, hey, let's make him the head of *spins wheel* the Selective Service System Template:Qpq


SECEdit

Securities and Exchange Commission

  1. (4/18/2017) The Supreme Court is scheduled to rule on the contentious case of Fark You v. Pay Me. I think we all know how this one plays out Lawyers for Kokesh say his payment should be reduced because the SEC did not bring charges against him until 2009; SEC argues the time limit doesn't apply (Kokesh v. SEC whether the five-year statute of limitations in 28 U.S.C. ยง 2462 applies to claims for "disgorgement" where the court can order wrongdoers to pay back illegal profits to prevent unjust enrichment as a legal remedy--not a punishment)


CIAEdit

former CIA White House LiasonEdit

whose name is being withheld by The Washington Post at the request of the CIA was on a standard two-year rotation to the White House

  • worked under Cohen-Watnick
  • within days of the Nunes Panic was told without explanation to clear out his desk and return to the agency
  1. (4/22/2017) The CIA liaison to the White House was fired for doing his job well Template:DripTemplate:Oc1.0

Senior CIA AnalystEdit

Linda Weissgold, CIA's suggested candidate to replace Cohen-Watnick in NSC and was interviewed by McMaster

  1. (4/22/2017) The CIA liaison to the White House was fired for doing his job well Template:DripTemplate:Oc1.0

Director of the CIAEdit

  1. (4/14/2017) CIA director labels WikiLeaks an 'anti-democratic' 'hostile intelligence service' working as an unofficial branch of the Russian government Template:Ussri
  2. (4/20/2017) Donald Trump's Bible study group Ralph Drollinger, an evangelical Christian, conducts the "Capitol Ministries Cabinet Bible study"Template:Ch st


No Such AgencyEdit

  1. (4/25/2017) Now-unclassified document reveals the NSA had been spying on American citizens with a blimp, saw what you did there, and there too. Well, at least that part of the government listens to the people 

Director of No Such AgencyEdit

Deputy Director of No Such AgencyEdit

Unnamed Senior US Intelligence OfficialsEdit

  1. (4/19/2017) U.S. intelligence officials acquire Russian think tank plans to interfere with 2016 election by pushing Trump via fake news and undermining the validity of the election. Good thing those plans never left the drawing board Template:Drip๐Ÿ“ฌ


State DepartmentEdit

  1. (4/13/2017) US State Dept. says it will continue with hiring freeze, despite the fact that the Trump administration has lifted it. Who needs diplomats anyway? ๐Ÿ˜›
  2. (4/27/2017) "Why hire people if you're just going to fire them anyway?" Template:GopgovTemplate:XfedTemplate:Stigg

State Department spokesmanEdit

R.C. Hammond

  1. (4/27/2017) "Why hire people if you're just going to fire them anyway?" Template:GopgovTemplate:XfedTemplate:Stigg

Policy Planning StaffEdit

internal think tank of State Department, to serve "as a source of independent policy analysis and advice for the Secretary of State"

Sahar NowrouzzadehEdit

former member State Department Policy Planning Staff, transfered to the Office of Iranian Affairs

  1. (4/22/2017) Trump demotes career State Department official after Breitbart questions her loyalty. That her last name is Nowrouzzadeh probably had nothing to do with it Template:Crony

Secretary of StateEdit

  1. (4/5/2017) Little Marco finds his spine once more and blames Secretary of State Tillerson's comments suggesting that Assad could remain in power for the devastating chemical attack by his regime โš›๐Ÿ‘‰
  2. (4/5/2017) Secretary of State Rex Tillerson's response to Best Korea firing another ballistic missile into the sea off the Korean peninsula was a total of 23 words. He could have saved 22 words and just said 'whatever' Template:Nkwas
  3. (4/7/2017) Tillerson speaks negatively about his bosses, accusing them of being complicit in the Syria chemical weapons attack Template:Shayrat
  4. (4/11/2017) Ahead of his trip to Moscow, Sexy Rexy decides to pre-order the Polonium Kiev for the State Dinner Template:ConsqTemplate:Wconf๐Ÿ˜›
    1. (4/12/2017) In bid to reassure nervous European allies that the US isn't abandoning them to Russian machinations, Secretary of State Tillerson asks why should US taxpayers care if Russia takes over Ukraine? Yeah, that didn't help ๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ’ฃ
  5. (4/11/2017) Secretary of State arrives in Russia, greeted by a dumpster fire Template:Lit๐Ÿ˜›
  6. (4/12/2017) "Minister Lavrov, Rex Tillerson. Nice to meet you." "Strike Syria again and you will regret it. Also, likewise" 
  7. (4/13/2017) Rex Tillerson ditched US reporters for a secret meeting with his boss โšชTemplate:Ussrn
  8. (4/13/2017) US State Dept. says it will continue with hiring freeze, despite the fact that the Trump administration has lifted it. Who needs diplomats anyway? ๐Ÿ˜›
  9. (4/17/2017) Tillerson and Mattis are forming the Axis of Adults in the Trump administration ๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ˜›
  10. (4/19/2017) Exxon, which until recently was run by Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, has applied for a waiver to do business with Russia, which is currently run by Tillerson's boss applied for a Treasury Department waiver to resume work with the Russia oil giant PAO Rosneft in areas covered by sanctionsTemplate:Qpq
  11. (4/24/2017) Trump is antagonizing Iran, which is always a good idea Template:Irn๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ’ฃ
  12. (4/24/2017) Entire senate called to White House for briefing on NOKO, oh no technically a Senate briefing called by Majority Leader, McConnellTemplate:TripTemplate:Brief
  13. (4/27/2017) "Why hire people if you're just going to fire them anyway?" Template:GopgovTemplate:XfedTemplate:Stigg

Undersecretary of StateEdit

UN AmbassadorEdit

  1. (4/9/2017) Peace? NO PEACE โš 

Ambassador to RussiaEdit

UN Ambassador for Food and AgricultureEdit

International EnvoyEdit

Jason Greenblatt

US Ambassador to SingaporeEdit

  1. (4/10/2017) Trump has decided that being a former Fox News commentator doesn't really qualify KT McFarland to have a seat on the National Security Council, so he's making her ambassador to Singapore instead Template:Fukip


Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if youโ€™ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.